Fair and Balanced - eviltoast
  • finley@lemm.ee
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    5 months ago

    Meanwhile, Jimmy Carter is still alive and in a coma, dreaming of building houses for poor people.

    Even in a coma, Jimmy Carter is doing more for the American people than Ronald Reagan ever did.

    • UraniumBlazer@lemm.ee
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      5 months ago

      WAIT HE’S IN COMA???

      Poor guy… Old couples rlly do pop off one after the other, huh. His wife passed last year, n he’s well on his way now…

      • finley@lemm.ee
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        5 months ago

        He’s been in hospice for several months, and his son released some information about a week ago, saying that he is now in a coma.

        But the fucker just won’t die. GG Carter

          • dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works
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            5 months ago

            Only if he is gonna live for like 10 more years, I want to see Trump go to jail not die having never had a single consequence.

            • Ð Greıt Þu̇mpkin@lemm.ee
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              5 months ago

              Actually, him just unceremoniously dropping dead could possibly be one of the most disastrous things that could happen to the redcaps.

              Cult movements need a well organized second in command who can co-opt the infrastructure to carry the message forward past the death of the founding leader/prophet/poobah/whatever.

              Trump tried to have the best shot they had at that guy lynched on the steps of the capitol building, he’s blown apart any infrastructure that could survive his own demise because he refuses to accept that the world is allowed to go on without him.

              There is no second in command, there is no contingency to preserve the cult, that man could die of toilet exertion tonight and by tomorrow morning we’d already be watching the whole movement collapse into infighting and sectionalism because kissing that brass calf’s ass was the only thing that bridged the fact that these people all hate each other.

            • tacosanonymous@lemm.ee
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              5 months ago

              My fear is that he could live another twenty without seeing consequences. I’ll settle for having him gone.

              • dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works
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                5 months ago

                Well there’s a balancing act though because I have to out-live him. I would dearly like to go to the graves of trump and McConnell to… pay my respects, as it were.

        • psycho_driver@lemmy.world
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          5 months ago

          He’s been in Hospice for ~15 months now. Some people I know who have him in their deadpool are losing sleep over it.

        • ✺roguetrick✺@lemmy.world
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          5 months ago

          I doubt they’re giving him water other than the saline for medications and whatever they’re using as mouth swabs. Maybe running a drip at “keep vein open” rates to deliver medication, but that’s not enough to keep someone hydrated. It’ll be either today or tomorrow I bet if he hasn’t been conscious for a week. My experience with hospice usually makes folks that keep running for that long hard to even get a blood pressure reading on. But they keep on ticking sometimes.

      • jordanlund@lemmy.world
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        5 months ago

        Not necessarily a coma, but his grandson did say he’s not awake every day anymore, and I was like “Well, shit, I’m 54 and I’m not awake every day either!”

    • veni_vedi_veni@lemmy.world
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      5 months ago

      He told Americans what they needed to hear, not what they wanted to hear, and when they didn’t re-elect him for that, that’s when it marked the decadent phase of this hegemony.

    • LordCrom@lemmy.world
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      5 months ago

      Jimmy Carter is a good man but was in a job that did not suit him. And people will remember him for that fault unfortunately. Since being president he has shown how much he cares for humanity

    • dumpsterlid@lemmy.world
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      5 months ago

      What I like to imagine that brings a smile to my face is the afterlife for Ronald Reagan involves him being stuck in a small room perfectly healthy and fine, but utterly alone, for the rest of eternity. Nothing is in the room and there are no windows. The room is a single color and silent.

      Kissinger I think I would like to not to actually go to hell but be reincarnated as a public trash can in the dirtiest and most desperate part of a Republican/austerity ravaged rust belt city. In this case I would hope Kissinger felt excruciating pain the entire time.

      Then again maybe heaven would be wonderful for the rest of us if you took Kissinger and Reagan and cloned them into human bowling pins that you would try to squish into blood splatters with boulders over and over again in a relaxing bowling style game. In this case every single death would be felt by Reagan and Kissinger, their screams and squishing bodies would echo around the bowling alley adding a nice staccato excitement to the background music playing on the speakers!

      Do I sound unhinged? Good! Maybe I am describing a bowling alley in hell and not heaven but idk sign me up wherever it is both these men are mass murderers who more than got away with their heinous crimes.

  • Etterra@lemmy.world
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    5 months ago

    I mean he died like 50 years too late to improve anything, but John Oliver ain’t wrong.

  • OhStopYellingAtMe@lemmy.world
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    5 months ago

    Even Nixon signed the EPA into existence. That’s one good thing. Best thing Reagan did is feed worms in the cemetery.

    • MintyFresh@lemmy.world
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      5 months ago

      On taking office, Nixon established the Council of Urban Affairs, under the leadership of Daniel Patrick Moynihan, to develop a welfare reform proposal. Moynihan’s proposed plan centered on replacing welfare programs with a negative income tax, which would provide a guaranteed minimum income to all Americans. Nixon became closely involved in the proposal and, despite opposition from Arthur Burns and other conservatives, adopted Moynihan’s plan as the central legislative proposal of his first year in office. In an August 1969 televised address, Nixon proposed the Family Assistance Plan (FAP), which would establish a national income floor of $1600 per year for a family of four.

      Taken from his Wikipedia. Nixon. I mean how far the bar has dropped.

      • Bytemeister@lemmy.world
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        5 months ago

        That 1600 is apparently equivalent to 13k today. Not the chump change I thought it was gonna be.

    • Got_Bent@lemmy.world
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      5 months ago

      That’s the going canon.

      But of the many, many reasons to celebrate her absence from this current iteration of mortal coil, what she liked to do behind closed bedroom doors is not one of them for me.

      • psycho_driver@lemmy.world
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        5 months ago

        Oh, yeah, just trying to find bright spots. That talent is definitely a positive character trait, in my mind.

  • vga@sopuli.xyz
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    5 months ago

    It’s true: literally everything has been better every year since 2004.