The Divine Dick - eviltoast
  • kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world
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    17 days ago

    I don’t think He/Him are neopronouns as the prefix neo- means new. Surely His would be old (paleopronouns), or timeless (aeternuspronouns), rather than new

  • half coffee@lemy.lol
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    17 days ago

    In mormonism if you don’t do their special ceremonies and have multiple wives, you lose your dick for eternity. I learned that in Sunday school when I was 12 lol.

    • wjrii@lemmy.world
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      17 days ago

      Mormon theology also pretty much just cuts the Gordian knot proposed in this post by saying, “Fuck yeah he’s got a dick. Uses it ALL THE TIME.” I believe that a “perfected body” was the verbiage I was taught in Sunday School. Tritheistic heresy, Shmitheistic Shmeresy…

    • aeronmelon@lemmy.world
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      17 days ago

      Kid: “Then I won’t do the ceremony because I never wanted a dick in the first place.”

      Mormons: “No! That’s not how you play the game!”

  • Unpigged@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    17 days ago

    You should know how much time Christian monks spent reasoning about the foreskin of Christ.

    It’s a lot.

    Long enough to postulate that once the Jesus ascended, his foreskin ascended as well and become. The. Rings. Of. Saturn.

    Sky will never be the same, won’t it?

      • Unpigged@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        15 days ago

        Yeah but with significantly less blackjack and hookers and significantly more foreskins. Cause you didn’t think there was only one foreskin on display for all those pilgrims, did you?

    • loaExMachina@sh.itjust.works
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      17 days ago

      Does Jesus have a gender tho? As stated above, Jesus has a fully human body and nature (or else you are deemed a heretic by the council of Chalcedon). He is described as a man and several churches and rulers have historically claimed to hold a piece of his foreskin, so he must’ve had a penis. Therefore:

      • Either Jesus was agender despite having a penis, therefore penis doesn’t imply male gender or
      • Jesus was male. So either:
        • Jesus and God don’t have the same gender, so they aren’t the same entity, which the councils of Nicea and Chalcedon would deem a heresy, or
        • God can manifest as male or agender, making Them genderfluid.
  • Live Your Lives@lemmy.world
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    17 days ago

    Technically, you can’t say that He/Him are God’s preferred pronouns because the capitalization doesn’t appear in the oldest texts. They are more a matter of tradition than of reality. However, you could say that’s even worse because Christians have embraced these neopronouns on God’s behalf.

  • lath@lemmy.world
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    17 days ago

    Considering how consistently the world gets fucked, yeah, I’d say there’s a divine Dick out there doing all the fucking.

  • Captain Aggravated@sh.itjust.works
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    17 days ago

    There are several other gods and goddesses named in the old testament, so I’m willing to buy that the Christian god has a dick, and it’s for inserting into goddesses. And given the personality on display by said diety, I’d wager said dick could pass through the eye of a needle and still have room for the camel.

  • aleats@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    17 days ago

    The whole capitalization of pronouns thing was pretty much entirely made up around the 19th century anyway (as well as the capitalizing the word “Lord”, which the King James version invented outright), so you can argue that protestant churches are following a woke plot to change the pronouns of the christian god as well.

    • tiredofsametab@fedia.io
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      17 days ago

      LORD vs Lord does hold some distinction in the source material. IIRC LORD is for uses of the divine name whereas the other ones are not. But then you have the whole, El, Elohim, tetragrammaton, god, lord, etc. mess with them probably not historically referring to the same entity to begin with, but that whole book is a mess.

  • TooManyFoods@lemmy.world
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    17 days ago

    I mean it was up in the sky about a month ago. The last time it was visible was apparently in ancient Egypt. If you missed it, to bad. The news said it wouldn’t be visible again until he gets a prostate exam in over a thousand years