I’m trying not to make a scene on the train imagining Supes with an Emo cut and snapping his fingers at people.

Back at the station

Officer: “Forensics just came back, the two pieces are not a match. They belong to two separate victims.”

Grizzled detective: “Mother of god…”

Look up Hobbes & Bacon, a fan comic where Calvin and Susie got married, had a little girl, and now she runs around with Hobbes.

The deafening irony of writing all of that on a Volkswagen.

“You ate a dozen donuts?”

BURP

“Baker’s Dozen.”

Seth MacFarlane tried to coax NBC Universal to buy Star Trek a few years ago.

Imagine that timeline.

Kathleen Kennedy.

“Hey, what watch is that?”

Me: “American Megatrends.”

“…”

Me: “it’s EnergyStar compliant.”

It’s a Japanese vending machine design, and it’s half embedded into the jutting corner of that wall.

The People’s Grok.

Me: “Do you have a chewable tablet in the shape of a Hanna-Barbara character?”

Morpheus:, under his breath: “Okay, maybe he isn’t the One.”

Drone-B-Gone ™

“I shall sing for you the song of my people.

…is that a rolled up newspaper?”

What kind of time warp are you in? Just doing WoW dailies took all day and made me realize I was wasting my life.

They spared no expense.

“What’s wrong with your FAAAAAAACE?!”

Potato skin heads.

I thought this was just a parody account, this is wisdom.

Company: “You know, we don’t have to meet at all in that case.”

Chase: “Oh, thank god!”