Evolution is a ridiculous fairy tale! Get your head out of the clouds and live in the real world! Clearly we’re all descendants of one guy! The magic sky wizard made him out of clay and then made a lady out of his rib which presumably was also made of clay! THOSE TWO PEOPLE MADE EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD AND THAT IS NOT WEIRD OR INCESTY AT ALL!!! MAGICAL SKY WIZARD WILL NOT BE QUESTIONED!!!
Eve is the fairy tale! Lilith came first! Revert the revisionism!
YOU CAN’T SAY “EVOLUTION!” I NEED TO GO TO MY SAFE PLACE!!!
FATHER ABRAHAM HAS MANY SONS…
I’m pretty sure I’ve seen that porn. And the sequel: Many Sons Have Father Abraham
Head up, head down, turn around, sit down!
Cassius Clay was the GOAT and I’d love be to believe that we are all descended from him.
I punch like a soggy bit of pasta though, so I’m going to have to stick with modern evolutionary theory.
First there was Adam. Then there was Eve. Then Eve broke the one rule and doomed all of humanity (yes, both of them!) for her transgression (well, once the omnipresent and omniscient God realized what had happened, which he deduced because they were trying to hide their nakedness rather than seeing it coming before he even created humanity because that’s how omniscience is supposed to work, or watching her talk to the serpent, eat the apple, and then offer one to Adam, which is how omnipresence is supposed to work) and we got kicked out of paradise into a place that sounds similar (as in it still has the animals and the plants and all that) but isn’t paradise. Then Adam and Eve had two sons, Cain and Able. Then Cain killed Able and was exiled for it. So technically there’s three people, all related, though only two of them have contact with one another.
Anyways, some time passes and all the people are wicked (possibly due to being so inbred), so obviously God wants to kill them, but there’s one dude that is ok, so he’s tasked with building a giant boat and filling it with just two of every single animal in existence (sorry animals, but the people (other than Noah and presumably his family, or maybe they get a pass because of how great Noah is) are wicked and God doesn’t want to do a high precision genocide). Then after he somehow succeeds in this task (nevermind different geographic areas, including ones Noah has no idea even existed, having completely different animals or local variants of the same animals), humanity and the entire animal kingdom are now back to square one for genetic diversity.
But for some reason people today are more worried about nuclear weapons that can potentially destroy the planet than people in the Bible were worried about angering an active and interactive God who would occasionally brutally and spectacularly demonstrate his power in a fit of rage. But I’m starting to digress from the genetic diversity topic.
Well, we do have a Mitochondrial Eve and Y-chromosomal Adam we all descend from.
They just have a 50 000 - 150 000 age difference.
That’s pretty funny when you consider creation “scientists” like Kent Hovind mocks scientists for believing that we “evolved from rocks”, all because a paper he read suggested that the minerals that come from certain rocks helped life evolve which he deliberately skews into evolving directly from a rock.
It’s baffling to me personally how creationists don’t seem to have a problem with the fact that there was only ever one woman in the entirety of human history who was transformed from a man’s rib.
If that were possible, I’d have had the perfect girlfriends years ago, AND I’d be flexible enough to suck my own dick 👌
If people are 70% water, but also made from dirt then you are, in fact, mud.
I’M THE MUD WIZARD!
Some of the dust in my apartment matches 100% of my DNA checkmate atheists!
I wonder how much of the dust in our homes is our shed skin.
I’m probably depositing micro-particles of myself everywhere, I’m disgusting.
Up to 50% of the dust in your home.
Those are the ghosts of your ancestors.
(We’re not just related to apes but we are Great Apes ourselves 🤓)
We be naked apes.
Doesn’t having a common ancestor still count as “related”, tho?
They said not just related, which includes being related
Given the chemical composition of dirt, we sorta are both, if you ignore the fact that “dirt” typically refers to fertile soil that only exists because of all the living things constantly dying and decomposing.
Technically we are all star dust. We are made from the fusion of atoms when supernovas exploded.
Humans are hydrogen atoms that sat around long enough to start thinking about themselves.
All other takes should be called reductioner because this is the reductionist
Neutrons never get any credit.
We’re carbs, not just hydrogen atoms. I’m gonna go and eat some bread (the body of Christ)!
We are nuclear waste.
I wonder how many genes we share with Bacteria in soil. Probably more than none.
ATPsynthase is an amazing protein. Our cells use these generators to produce energy. It is pretty much what allows us to become the big hulking mass of cells we are today. Some bacteria also have this protein, but it is used for propulsion.
From what I understand all DNA is 90% compatible because most of that is useless or very basic functions like cellular division and energy generation.
Well, the mitochondria in our cells are descended from bacteria and retain their bacteria-style genes and proteins.
I come from a land down under.
Where beer does flow and men chunder
And the so called “omnipotent” god couldn’t have created a universe with rules which eventually led to evolution of humans.
No, he had to directly create humans as they are now, because reasons…AI is descended from dirt.
We tricked sand into thinking.
Al was my favorite character in Home Improvement
Whatchu know about Wilson?
Only the finest loam.
Wotanics believed we were carved from wood (Elm and Ash, I think). But I like the story of Promethus making us, since it implies we already had the brilliance and all we needed was a sample of fire to develop robots, engineering, space travel and genetically enhanced life forms (e.g. become gods ourselves.)
I love (/s) those old stories people came up with. They probably saw a tree in the woods and experienced a moment of pareidolia then decided that humans were descended from trees.
I coincidentally lived with a young-earth-creationist during the summer when Kansas debated removing evolution from public schools. We debated evolution often, each absolutely convinced of our positions. It was an interesting summer.
He took me to a seminar at a church called “the truth about dinosaurs.” Dinos walked with humans. Dinos are in the bible as a dragon. God is testing us with fossils. Crazy shit.
There were little kids there. That made me really angry. I wanted to argue with the presenter and wrote a bunch of notes and questions to go at him. When we spoke, after, he was super nice. We ended up talking about Macs (~1999 / 2000; Apple was close to failing for so many years prior, this was a soft-spot to win my favor and he was a Mac guy). I opted not to challenge him because there would be no point.
I wonder how many of the children in that audience are now MAGA shithead evangelists. I hate people like this. I don’t hate my former roommate. He was sold lies since he was a child and, for all his intelligence, simply could not escape them. It was astounding.
I don’t know why anyone would want the story to be true. If it were humans aren’t really from earth, we are celestial invaders who came in after everything else was setup. We don’t belong here and the best thing we could do is mass suicide and murder.
Even if it is not true then most of us should leave America and go where? With all due respect , and in my humble opinion, this is a dumber take than creationism.
To heaven. The place all Christians are supposedly heading towards anyhow. You don’t need to muddle colonialism with this.
Maybe copy and paste was already a thing back then
