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Just buy reusable mesh bags and stop wasting plastic to protect your produce for a 20 minute car ride.
There’s no way I’m getting to my car when opening a bag is this hard
“Joke about the inability to open a car because the inability to open a little bag”
;-)
The joke is the same as in the picture. As in: since I’m having so much trouble opening this bag I will never get to my car because I’ll be stuck here trying to open this bag. Hope that helps!
“just put the fruit in the cart” gang represent
Right? Just gonna wash it anyway
Just dump all the loose blueberries into it.
I put them in my pockets and hope I don’t bump into anyone.
You’re a savage, go back to the forest.
Not all of those bags are the same.
The produce bag rolls at most stores around me are compostable now. They are also breathable and will keep the produce fresh longer when left in the bag.
Compostable means they can be recycled, which isn’t as good as reusing, which isn’t as good as reducing.
Reduce>Reuse>Recycle
Best part is I can carry 2-3 fully loaded reusable bags vs 12 flimsy plastic ones that split and overflow.
in sweden we have paper bags that are then used for food waste recycling at home.
Produce Manager here. Place the end that opens directly between your two palms, and rub your palms together vigorously. The bag will stick to one palm or both, opening every time. Please stop licking your fingers to open these bags and then picking through our vegetables. You’re gross.
Vegetable Farmer here. That shit is already gross. Wash your veggies.
Produce Manager here. Thanks for all of the gross vegetables!
Consumer of vegetables here. Where can I find the yams?
Yam section. Can’t miss it.
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Yeah, most people are aware of the process, though it doesn’t make adding human saliva to the mix at the store level any more wholesome. There are a number of ways to open a plastic bag that don’t involve your tongue.
I knew there will be a comment like this.
A breath of hot air also makes the bag stick to your hands and easy to separate. Like you’re trying to fog a window.
All you do is put the top between the palms of your hands and rub them together like you’ve just come up with an evil plan and they pop open.
bonus points if you actually come up with an evil plan while you’re doing it
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simply use the moisture from the sprayers
I’ve touched sprayed produce before just for the grip. 🥴
The what now? I haven’t seen those since the early '90s.
They’re still in use everywhere I’ve shopped
At least the bags say “OPEN HERE”. We’d be fucked if they said “OPEN IN ZIMBABWE” or something like that.
Not sure, I might have just figured out Steven Wright’s Lemmy account.
Excuse me? That was a George Carlin joke I stole.
I’ll try for five minutes and find out it opens on the other end.
I do this with dog poop bags, it’s so frustrating!
I use ones that are explicitly labelled with a black strip. My tactic for opening them is to put them between my lips and blow, which works pretty well but got really weird during the mandatory masking periods.
The best days are when you successfully open one … and realize it wasn’t sealed at the bottom either
As a person with eternally sweaty palms, this right here is my superpower. (⌐■-■)
If you listen closely you can hear him whisper words of wisdom such as: “I’ve tried both ends five times now!”, “I think this one must be defective!”, or my personal favorite “I don’t think these are the same brand they had out last week!”
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USB plugs are actually a great at-home demonstration of quantum mechanics. The USB plug exists in a quantum superposition of alignment - being simultaneously correctly aligned and not aligned until being inserted. Once insertion is attempted, the wave function collapses to a random alignment.
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My hands are too dry for this to be effective
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You must be shrooming. There’s a reason people moisten their fingers when working with stuff like this.
Hey now, who said you could live on my planet?
I can hear your username. Well done.
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I would encourage you to read and understand things before behaving like an unpleasant and haughty know-it-all
You didn’t even click my link because if you read it, then you’d have to admit that you’ve been embarrassingly wrong this entire time, starting with that eye-rolling emoji. That’s really hard for you, isn’t it – to admit that you’re wrong.
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i hope you die soon
I touch the moist sprayers to wet my fingers enough and the opening of the bag is always the part that’s already detached.
Those two tips help.
You’d think that!
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Clap the whole bag between your hands and rub them together like a scheming villain
I go to the broccolis and touch the usually wet crate first.
Highlight of my life was shortly after I broke my arm, someone saw me struggling with one of these one-handed and opened it for me like the damn lockpicking lawyer. I’ve considered taking my sling with me shopping ever since, in case I need another good Samaritan to open one of these godforsaken bags again
Just lick your fingers first! The grocery store sells food products, it and its patrons have to be hygienic …
/s
It takes three times longer to open a dog poop bag when you are out in the cold and can’t even feel your damn finger tips.
I make my dog help since he’s a habitual licker
Breath on your fingers like you’re trying to fog up glass. Immediately open by running your fingers in opposite directions along the edge, using the additional friction you created.
Instructions unclear, bag is stuck in my glasses
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Please don’t breathe your germs onto my vegetables
Keep my vegetables out your fucking mouth.
Well I hope you’re going to wash them anyway. There’s already a bunch more worse shit than a bit of breath condensation from a guy standing a few feet away breathing onto his hands.
No need to add to it, you have to pick them up and I’d rather not have more germs on them from some troglodyte putting their saliva on them
🤓 just wash your vegetables. Seems easier than relying on hundreds of people
🤓 no shit wash your vegetables, you still don’t need to put your fucking saliva on them
If you’re that concerned about every “troglodyte” out there doing anything that may remotely spread a couple of germs, I advise you wear a hazmat suit when you go out. And when you’re inside. Just, always. Life’s filthy, take precautions before you put something in your body (wash it, cook it, etc) but past that, man… good luck.
Asking for a modicum of sanitary practices isn’t an absurd request.
A “modicum” of sanitary practices doesn’t include something as innocuous as using some breath condensation to open a bag lol. Say that to the parents not watching as their kid snots all over the place. If you wanna call someone a troglodyte, maybe reserve it for the guy who sneezes without covering. The level of harm someone does by selecting their produce, tearing off a bag, and God forbid breathing on their hands is actually nil.
You can call it “innocuous” all you want, it’s still an unnecessarily unsanitary thing to do. Just because there’s worse examples of gross people doesn’t mean getting your saliva on produce in the store isn’t also gross.
I have dry hands, these are my nemesis
I heavily heavily sympathetize. I can’t get the damn things open. I bought the reusable mesh bags because it is far less frustrating to use. Except when I forget to bring them…
