Despite my one moment of sheer misandry, which I apologize for…I love you guys ❤️
I probably can’t offer much in the way of comfort…
NSFW, TMI
…I mean, all I can offer is my body, and I doubt you’d want that :P…
…but I really, truly, honestly appreciate all of you guys. Really 💜
Without men, my life would be pretty boring and honestly pointless. And I don’t just mean for sexual reasons…
NSFW, TMI
…well, the sexual reasons are a big and important part of it too, ngl, but they’re not the only reason.
I see and appreciate you. You matter 🩷
To me. To your families. To everyone here ❤️
This isn’t much comfort, but if any of you guys needs someone to talk to, my Matrix account is:
@horny_miisha:chat.blahaj.zone
Feel free to reach out!
You’re not alone. You’re never alone. I love you guys 💜
Funny how I’m sitting in a waiting room for my mental health appointment, reading this.
Stay strong people.
Thank you for this post. I needed to cry a little bit and reading this post helped me let all of that out.
Feeling much better 🫂
I unfortunately know how hard crying can be for guys. I’m so sorry 🫂
Stay strong! ❤️
Take my plus one upvote and gratitude. It is vital we are reminded we have feelings and hardships just as anyone else
Why did I start sobbing? Everything is fine
🫂
It’s the time of year where most of the anniversaries of the worst days of my life happen basically back to back.
December through the first week of January are the hardest. In those 5 weeks there’s 7 anniversaries. Not to mention not being welcome at any family gathering anymore since I was outed as being queer.
Couple that with a hearty unhealthy dose of survivors guilt (from a couple of those anniversaries) and you get a perfect storm every year.
I’m much better than I used to be but it’s still not easy.
Hey, I get it. I have a very similar sort of deal going on around July and September personally…
It really isnt easy… I look back at the art I was making before and after the 3-year series of events and its just… Wow. I wish I could be like me 3 years ago…
You’re seen. And I know nothing about you beyond this comment, but I personally feel a sense of “we’re in this together!” that eases my mind, and I hope this comment has done the same for you.
Love your way <3
Thanks for this. I opened this in the Uber to my psych appointment funny enough. Hoping she’ll let me switch my meds.
Best of luck on that! And good luck on switching meds! Hope you find something that works for you 💜️
If I’m honest for a sec, I’ve been struggling lately.
Work has been super intense and nothing I can do ever feels like it’s enough.
Deep down, I know it’s not a me problem, hell, I’m the best damn person for this particular task, it’s just… a lot. That also means I’ll have to lead this thing for a month, away from home this time.
People see how I fix things and think it’s easy for me.
It’s not. I’m just used to making shit work at the cost of my own self.
I’m tired of paying that toll and I don’t know how much longer I can keep it together.I recognize this present overwork-dragon facing me, I’ve been down this road before and I know how wholly it can consume me. Not even in a vore way either.
Being away also means there’s nobody to fuck my brains out or use me as a toy to take my mind off this thing.Still, silver linings… this time I’m lucky enough to have my soul-friend-bestie along.
It doesn’t make it less bullshit, but at least we’re going insane together.
Anyway, idk why I’m dumping a wall of text here.
Gotta get back to it… peace.Don’t feel bad about sharing your feelings. Never do!
I’m sorry you’re struggling like that. I know how rough things can be, but not like this. I’m sorry…
I’m glad you’re still here with us. And I’m glad you have such a good friend in your life 🫂
I can’t really offer much, but if you’d like to talk about any of this stuff, I’m here.
Please don’t give up! You’re not alone in this 🩷Work isn’t more important than your well being, you deserve to be seen. I’m so happy to see that you’ve got a supportive partner. You matter. You matter independent of the work you do for others.
It gets better <3
Thanks.
You matter independent of the work you do for others.
I do need to re-internalize this from time to time.
Like, rationally speaking, I do know this.
I’m more than a fruit to extract juice from and then be discarded.
In the heat of the moment though, I put others’ needs above my own, which means sometimes I’ll forget myself in the process.And yea, I’m blessed to have met my platonic soulmate, although somewhat late in life.
Holy crap dude, you’re like… The guy version of what I lived in college… And am living the aftermath of now… Still… Years later…
Please. I don’t know what you’re going through, but try to take a step back before its too late and stay strong. Be kind to yourself… Those you are supporting WILL want you to be okay too, and diving too deep may make things worse for everyone eventually… If you let yourself burn out, they may need, or at least feel the need to support you. Hell, you may even honestly need that if you go too deep. It is much better to pace yourself.
An idol can become a warning…
Thanks. You’re right, obviously.
I even know what not to do, but I still tend to do it.
I’m half-functioning when I’m in this deep, which makes everything even worse.Anyway…
I took a half day off today just to spend some time in the present with my bestie and I haven’t felt this relieved in weeks.
Little steps.
Did you read The Will to Change - bell hooks, Ross Gay? It’s about misandry I believe
I lost my dad to sucicide when I was younger, it’s a deamon that trickles down and has knocked at the door at multiple points in my life. But I think knowing what happens after is what has helped me embrace life as much as I have. The sun will always rise tommorrow
I’m so sorry, that’s horrible! I’m glad you haven’t given up. The world is better with you in it 🫂️
Hard to be depressed when we are absolutely dominating the leaderboard for these stats. Oorah fellas! 💪
(But don’t actually)
I’m sorry…🫂
This reminds me of the Brazil #1 homocide rate memes lol
Stay strong, boys. I… appreciate ya :p
I was just thinking about that lol
We’re so much more likely to die despite only leading in attempts by a small margin, because we’re just better at it
The patriarchy is the enemy of men and women alike.
It’s even the little things. I am only now learning how to properly take care of my skin because… it’s just not something men are generally taught is important/how to do (in British culture, at least)
Patriarchy hurts men too.
Famously, the first major legal win for feminism was a man getting custody of his child.
Its sad that so many men have swallowed the propaganda that feminism is somehow hurting them.
Patriarchy absolutely hurts men as well and I don’t want to take away from your comment. I fully support it. And I fully support men revolting against the patriarchy and living how they want to live without the pressure to conform.
The first major legal win for feminism was about a mother being granted custody because before 1839, fathers were automatically granted custody of their children.
The Custody of Infants Act of 1839 is often seen as the first feminist legislative victory in a long campaign to reform English marriage laws (Shanley 17, Chase and Levenson 40). While legal scholars have noted instances when a father’s total control over his legitimate children had been limited by judicial rulings prior to 1839 (Abramowicz 1345), the 1839 Act stands as the first major reform to recognize the rights of mothers. The important role played by Caroline Norton in the passage of the Act is also key to recognizing the law as a feminist triumph (Shanley 17).
Prior to the 1839 Custody of Infants Act, a father had a right to his legitimate children and was automatically granted custody if he and his wife separated for any reason (Bailey 393). Most fathers granted custody or access to the children’s mothers because it was considered ungentlemanly to deny mothers the opportunity to be with their children. Judges could also require a father to grant access or custody to the mother in circumstances in which the children’s welfare would be in jeopardy if they were left with their father. (Bailey 394)
My mistake, I was thinking of RBG in Weinberger v. Wiesenfeld
That is a perfect example of the patriarchy hurting men. Assuming men are the sole and primary earners in the family can lead to discriminatory decisions like this:
Stephen Wiesenfeld and Paula Polatschek were married in 1970. Polatschek had worked as a teacher for the five years prior to their marriage and continued teaching after they were married. Her salary was the principle source of the couple’s income, and social security contributions were regularly deducted from her salary. In 1972, Polatschek died in childbirth, which left Wiesenfeld with the care of their newborn son. Wiesenfeld applied for social security benefits for himself and his son, and was told that his son could receive them but that he could not. Social Security Act provides benefits based on the earnings of a deceased husband and father that are available to both the children and the widow. The benefits for a deceased wife and mother, however, are only available to the children.
In 1973, Wiesenfeld sued on behalf of himself and similarly situated widowers. He claimed that the relevant section of the Social Security Act unfairly discriminated on the basis of sex and sought summary judgment. A three-judge panel of the district court granted Wiesenfeld’s motion for summary judgment
Thanks for bringing it up!!
Feminism is good, but I do not think it’s right to fight for men’s rights under this banner. It’s simply too easy to hijack by reminding that feminism is, in principle, about women’s rights (hence the name), and completely lose the part about men from the conversation. This happened before, and it will happen again.
It’s very unfortunate that “men’s rights activism” was also hijacked by patriarchal assholes who have nothing in common with actual men’s rights. But masculism as a whole can be remedied, and can complement feminism organically as part of a broader antisexism movement.
So, ideally, we should agree on feminism being a movement for equality with focus on women’s issues, masculism is the same but focusing on specific issues of men, and both uniting to bash patriarchals and fight for a better, more equal and just future.
Okay, but as a woman, it’s a LOT better for everyone to understand feminism is FOR EVERYONE. Whether its in the name or not, the point is that everyone should have the same rights regardless of sex/gender.
I generally really hate movements that separate people by the very things the problem at hand separates people by. Like… No… People are people ffs - THAT, is what matters. Equality > Equity - its better in the long term and doesn’t further segregate ideals.
Everyone should have the same rights regardless of sex/gender.
Exactly. And for that we have a broader field of antisexism, comprised of feminism and masculism (and also fight against discrimination of nonbinary people - I’m not sure if it has an established name yet).
We don’t need to cram men’s rights issues into the movement that wasn’t created with them in mind. We can have a more organized alternative, one that doesn’t compete with feminism but organically adds to it in the broader antisexist perspective. This ensures everyone’s voices are heard, and no conversation is skipped or hijacked.
And with a broader antisexism umbrella, it must be remembered that feminism and masculism are just two angles for the same problem, with a common end goal. Not to mention, gendered issues are also highly interconnected, requiring us to untangle them from all sides. It’s worth supporting the antisexist goals as a whole, and then dip into specific problematic as needed.
Now, I know, the term “masculism” was often tainted by MRA activists, who have nothing to do with equality and promoted patriarchy. But in principle, masculism is simply about the fight against discrimination of men, same as feminism goes against discrimination of women. And just as there are TERFs on the side of feminists, there’s unfortunately their counterpart in the form of MRA. Neither define feminism or masculism as a whole.
The amount of things created without everyone/everything in mind would be… A lot.
For a LONG time, feminism has meant more than what it was created for a VERY VERY long time ago. I concede its name doesn’t do it’s purposes justice… But again - my last paragraph in my initial reply.
You bring up non-binary people… And tbh that’s part of my point. If we create movements that exclude, then… Well… That’s exactly what will happen given any particular movement’s success.
Chasing equality is harder. It takes more effort to push against existing inequalities than it takes to create equitable alternatives… But in the end it means breaking down all these differences people use to separate others and drive inequality in the first place.
My point is rather to make it so that people, any people of all genders, couldn’t be excluded from the conversation. As things stand, men and nonbinary people can be easily excluded should the tides turn. This is a precarious position and can lead to the reversal of the achievements we’ve made to guarantee equality.
I don’t mean to sepatate the fight for women’s, men’s and nonbinaries’ rights, but rather recategorize it in a way that guarantees everyone’s voice in the conversation.
What you mean by feminism, this inclusive one, is what I mean by antisexism. If anything, it’s simply reframing the terms to make them adequately reflect the status quo and exclude possibility for malice.
If we frame it as antisexism, not feminism, no one could come and say “actually, it’s feminism” and sideline all non-women from the conversation. When it’s antisexism, it’s about everyone. And that seems to be exactly what we want to share - to have a common goal of shared humanity.
And the rest are just categories. It’s not about some people embracing feminism, others embracing masculism and third embracing…enbyism?, it’s just categories within a larger antisexist thought, coming from the idea that people should unite to combat all forms of sexism, not just one particular flavor.
In other words, we seem to talk about much the same thing, I just want to frame it in a way that puts more confidence in that non-women voices will always be heard as well.
And in this way I fully, %100 agree. Not sure your original comment gets that across personally I guess.
I agree that “antisexism” may be a better way to frame it in a vacuum, and perhaps even in the future. But I also think that in the present it is much harder to get across than the difference between a feminist and feminazi that is already more culturally defined if you get what I mean?
Anyways, I honestly think at this point we agree and that this conversation has become pointless semantics. :P
Just like how the men’s rights movement has absolutely dogshit people, the feminist movements also have some who see the movement in a selfish supremacist manner.
This is why I call myself a humanist or egalitarian, I want it to be clear I see neither sex nor gender as superior, and everyone is deserving of dignity, rights, and respect.
I’m just going to share this here, and it’s entirely anecdotal.
I’ll put it behind a drop down so read it of your own volition.
spoiler
Somehow despite being quite the introvert I have somehow managed to encounter numerous men who have been horrifically abused by the women in their life, myself included. For example one young lad who regularly slept with his own mother, a grandmother who did wildly inappropriate things with her grandkids (hiding candy in her clothing…)
I lived with emotional abuse from my mother, and a creepy cougar teacher who was far to interested in a younger me.
Later in life, I had a small group of friends and out of the 4 of them, all 4 had been out right sexually assaulted.
One guy was roofied at a club by a wannabe dominatrix who didn’t understand BDSM, woke up in her bed chained up.
Another woke up to an older female cousin raping him while he was sleeping on a couch.
Then there was the guy who worked in bars, hen parties were a nightmare and plenty of women would get handsy and see nothing wrong with it.
There’s more but I don’t remember right now, and I don’t want to dig it out.
So in summary… why am I mentioning this here?
It’s not to bash anyone, but rather to suggest that just like many guys are told to watch their brothers for abusive behaviour we should encourage women to be aware of the kind of abuse that other women can dish out and intervene if possible.
Also, if you do try to engage with a guy about his emotional state, do consider that it is extremely common for men to have in the past opened up to a partner only to have it weaponised against him thus making him hyper vigilant about doing so again.
The catholic Church in France alone has sexually abused at least 200000 children between 1950 and 2020. that is 1% of the population. In the context of catholic abuse it’s mostly males so it is safe to assume that around 2% of the male french population was sexually abused as a child by the catholic Church.
The notion that sexual abuse is only a women’s problem is pretty much a myth.
My father was raped by a male acquaintance as a young man. He was a state champion wrestler and it really messed with his head. He never told me this, which is normal, but I did find out about it. Most rapes are done by other men and it is way more common than men admit to.
Oh dear god…
I’m so sorry you went through that. Honestly that’s terrible and it’s something nobody deserves to go through. I’m so sorry 🫂I hope you’re doing at least a bit better. I have my own (serious) issues and I’m trying to get a therapist in the hopes of treating those…
Again, I’m so sorry you went through that. That’s honestly brutal. Even if this is naive…I sincerely hope we can both get over our traumas. Sorry I can’t offer much support 💙
Heya!
Well yeah… at the end of the day we’re all human :)
I’m doing somewhat better, my life is… weird. But compared to the difficulties some people live with, I’m content enough.
But I also do recognise that in many ways, I’m pretty broken. But, we keep going, try and find joy where we can :)
There’s a lot more I could say, I have some views that would probably be considered… weird as I was raised by a 2nd generation English feminist. But I also kind of don’t want to side track the thread :)
Please, don’t feel bad side tracking! This was meant to be a kind of vent thread for all the men over here. Don’t feel bad, it’s why I made the post ❤️
I definitely won’t judge you. And (I’d hope) nobody else will either.
I lost a good friend to suicide a few years ago. Around the same time, I was sexually assaulted by a friend I had confided in about my grief. He got away with it because I was too afraid to speak up, and to this day nobody knows it happened. The only reason I’m still around is because I know firsthand what it’s like when someone you love kills themselves.
Thankfully, I’m doing much better these days, but I’ll never forget both what being suicidal feels like, and the exact reasons why I’ll never do it.
🫂
That’s so messed up…I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I can’t even imagine…
I’m glad you’re still here 🫂
If you’d like to talk about any of those things, I’m free. I’m here.
Please don’t give up! The world is better with you in it. Stay strong 💜
Thank you for posting about this. This both helps men and helps women by alleviating some of the “BuT wHeN iS mEnS day” chuds.
Last year’s 19th November was shit. I hope Lemmy can give us a better men’s day this year.
