Same with autism. It wasn’t until I had my master’s degree in math and teaching high school at age 39 that it ever occurred to me that I was autistic. A colleague and I had a mutual student, and he told me that he thought she might be autistic and that he was going to refer her to the school’s diagnostician for testing.
So I found myself curious about the symptoms of autism, because Rain Man was my frame of reference. I researched the symptoms in the middle of a Geometry team meeting, and everything I read had my sitting up further and further in my seat, until I just blurted out “Oh my GAWD…?!” My colleagues asked what, and I said “Y’all…I think I might be autistic?” They looked at one another quizzically, like they were shocked at my personal revelation. One of them replied, “Wait…you didn’t know?!” I said, “…what, you DID know?!?” She was like “Yes! We all know that about you! You seriously didn’t know? 😂” HELL NO I DIDN’T KNOW!
I immediately called my mom on the phone to tell her that I thought I might be autistic. “Yyyyyeah…your dad and I always thought you might be.” HOLY FUCKING SHIT MOM WTF??? 😲😲😲WHY DIDN’T YOU EVER GET ME TESTED?!? "Well, you always made such good grades that we just didn’t think it mattered that much.
I have since been diagnosed with ASD Level 1, and I think back a lot on my life lived. I marvel at how much easier my life would have been if I hadn’t had to develop all of these coping mechanisms myself. I did well in school despite my autism. I earned two degrees despite my autism. I hold down teaching jobs despite my autism. The biggest problems I’ve had in my life, though, have been personal relationships. I can’t imagine how much richer my life might be right now had I known all along how to exist as a self-aware autist in a neurotypical world.
I don’t know the popular opinion on this, but I personally think you did a great job learning how to be your best self without having a label. Everyone is unique and everyone will have to learn how to do things their way, having children labeled as something when they already do well might just make them feel more alienated, or be like “I’m X that’s why I’m like this” instead of finding their way to be productive/have fun.
Of course it’ll help people struggling but not knowing what’s wrong. But if you’re a type of person who can feel/see what works for you and what doesn’t and find solutions for yourself, you might even make your quirks your strength. One frequent thought I have is, how many of the scientists or philosophers in the past were actually autistic? Or had quirks that made them who they are, but would definitely be “problematic” when they were young by today’s standards.
TLDR: My opinion is everyone is unique, using your quirks to do things others can’t is what makes some people great. Making everyone fit a “normal”, and medicating/… everyone else doesn’t seem like a good idea.
Would you tell someone who doesn’t have legs that they’d be better off without a wheelchair because then they’d be free to “find their own way to be productive/have fun”? Or is this reserved for disorders that you can’t see?
My medication doesn’t fundamentally change who I am, it just makes me less shit at the things I am most shit at, so that my daily life is less of a constant struggle.
And sure, it’s possible to imagine a world where having ADHD wouldn’t be such a problem, just like it’s possible to imagine a world where not having legs wouldn’t be a problem. But that’s not the world we live in!
Try not paying your bills and telling your landlord and credit card company that it’s fine, you’re just not one for rigid schedules and you’re finding your own way. Or instead of doing your job at work, do something completely different and see if your boss accepts that you’re just quirky.
I don’t know if you read it, the second paragraph goes with something like: if you’re having problems, then yes, if you’ve found ways to deal with things and be happy/productive then no need to labels things to be “normal”
Is it? Why does having a label for people treating you differently help with that? It mostly just turns into an excuse for others to use thank being a helpful label.
I think labels seem progressive and helpful but are mostly used to further divide people and make in and out groups.
If you know you struggle with people being told that it’s your fault cause you are genetically different somehow even though it seems ever so common and spectrum based does nothing to help you deal with people.
Here’s how a label can help: I did receive a social worker diagnosis (not medical) in elementary school, but my parents had a very similar outlook to you and didn’t do much for helping me learn how to handle it. I “knew”, but could never understand why I alienated everyone. I couldn’t manage my anger, because every time I met a new kid, it would get combative quickly. I felt I was in a position to have to earn massive respect from everyone to treat me decently, and therefore got controlling when working with others. This pressure also extremely heightened the natural tendency to procrastinate associated with autism (Note, all of this is afterthought analysis not what I thought as a kid).
College and then post grad, I had to confront these issues on my own with only poor coping mechanisms I had developed growing up. I had to educate myself about autism, and I had to spend a lot of time reflecting on myself and figuring out how to manage my worst impulses. If I had been educated and informed as a kid, I wouldn’t have needed to struggle like that for decades.
Do you know why humans are as advanced as we are? It’s because we can learn from each other and build on what people before us have done. A label helps you connect with people who have the same struggles and learn what strategies they used to cope and live a fulfilling life. It’s a way to avoid having to reinvent the wheel.
Everything is used to divide, someone autistic will behave in ways that “other” him regardless of labels, and people who want to hate are going to keep hating.
You don’t need them, don’t use them, but they absolutely are helpful for many people. We are nowhere near a society inclusive enough to make labels obsolete.
Beside, dealing with people’s attitude isn’t the only issue.
Neurodivergent people will compare themselves to others on their own, and will struggle with their self image and self-esteem.
A diagnosis will help with understanding themselves and finding better strategies much quicker.
Or…and just a thought…maybe people know their own truths better than you ever possibly could, and when they tell you that early diagnosis and therapy would have helped them immensely, you just believe them?
Also, I got diagnoses for Generalized Anxiety Disorder with Panic Attacks as well as Major Depressive Disorder, and having those diagnoses as a teen might have helped as well, ya know?
It’s not specifically, but much of the cultural inertia that we struggle with today is a holdover from the outsized Boomer population and their influence on America for the last ~55 years. And Boomers, as a cohort, are markedly narcissistic and apathetic to the plights of others, while displaying significantly lower levels of empathy and/or understanding. They are largely uneducated, but obstinate that their outdated information still holds validity, and when pressed to change, or reform, typically respond with threats and attacks. This, while gaslighting those with greater knowledge than themselves- Dunning-Kruger personified.
So it’s not necessarily limited to Boomers, but this scenario absolutely describes a commonality of experience for those with Boomer parents, particularly of Millennial-age.
Same with autism. It wasn’t until I had my master’s degree in math and teaching high school at age 39 that it ever occurred to me that I was autistic. A colleague and I had a mutual student, and he told me that he thought she might be autistic and that he was going to refer her to the school’s diagnostician for testing.
So I found myself curious about the symptoms of autism, because Rain Man was my frame of reference. I researched the symptoms in the middle of a Geometry team meeting, and everything I read had my sitting up further and further in my seat, until I just blurted out “Oh my GAWD…?!” My colleagues asked what, and I said “Y’all…I think I might be autistic?” They looked at one another quizzically, like they were shocked at my personal revelation. One of them replied, “Wait…you didn’t know?!” I said, “…what, you DID know?!?” She was like “Yes! We all know that about you! You seriously didn’t know? 😂” HELL NO I DIDN’T KNOW!
I immediately called my mom on the phone to tell her that I thought I might be autistic. “Yyyyyeah…your dad and I always thought you might be.” HOLY FUCKING SHIT MOM WTF??? 😲😲😲WHY DIDN’T YOU EVER GET ME TESTED?!? "Well, you always made such good grades that we just didn’t think it mattered that much.
I have since been diagnosed with ASD Level 1, and I think back a lot on my life lived. I marvel at how much easier my life would have been if I hadn’t had to develop all of these coping mechanisms myself. I did well in school despite my autism. I earned two degrees despite my autism. I hold down teaching jobs despite my autism. The biggest problems I’ve had in my life, though, have been personal relationships. I can’t imagine how much richer my life might be right now had I known all along how to exist as a self-aware autist in a neurotypical world.
I don’t know the popular opinion on this, but I personally think you did a great job learning how to be your best self without having a label. Everyone is unique and everyone will have to learn how to do things their way, having children labeled as something when they already do well might just make them feel more alienated, or be like “I’m X that’s why I’m like this” instead of finding their way to be productive/have fun.
Of course it’ll help people struggling but not knowing what’s wrong. But if you’re a type of person who can feel/see what works for you and what doesn’t and find solutions for yourself, you might even make your quirks your strength. One frequent thought I have is, how many of the scientists or philosophers in the past were actually autistic? Or had quirks that made them who they are, but would definitely be “problematic” when they were young by today’s standards.
TLDR: My opinion is everyone is unique, using your quirks to do things others can’t is what makes some people great. Making everyone fit a “normal”, and medicating/… everyone else doesn’t seem like a good idea.
Would you tell someone who doesn’t have legs that they’d be better off without a wheelchair because then they’d be free to “find their own way to be productive/have fun”? Or is this reserved for disorders that you can’t see?
My medication doesn’t fundamentally change who I am, it just makes me less shit at the things I am most shit at, so that my daily life is less of a constant struggle.
And sure, it’s possible to imagine a world where having ADHD wouldn’t be such a problem, just like it’s possible to imagine a world where not having legs wouldn’t be a problem. But that’s not the world we live in!
Try not paying your bills and telling your landlord and credit card company that it’s fine, you’re just not one for rigid schedules and you’re finding your own way. Or instead of doing your job at work, do something completely different and see if your boss accepts that you’re just quirky.
I don’t know if you read it, the second paragraph goes with something like: if you’re having problems, then yes, if you’ve found ways to deal with things and be happy/productive then no need to labels things to be “normal”
There’s not medication for autism, and self-awareness is immensely helpful
Is it? Why does having a label for people treating you differently help with that? It mostly just turns into an excuse for others to use thank being a helpful label.
I think labels seem progressive and helpful but are mostly used to further divide people and make in and out groups.
If you know you struggle with people being told that it’s your fault cause you are genetically different somehow even though it seems ever so common and spectrum based does nothing to help you deal with people.
Here’s how a label can help: I did receive a social worker diagnosis (not medical) in elementary school, but my parents had a very similar outlook to you and didn’t do much for helping me learn how to handle it. I “knew”, but could never understand why I alienated everyone. I couldn’t manage my anger, because every time I met a new kid, it would get combative quickly. I felt I was in a position to have to earn massive respect from everyone to treat me decently, and therefore got controlling when working with others. This pressure also extremely heightened the natural tendency to procrastinate associated with autism (Note, all of this is afterthought analysis not what I thought as a kid).
College and then post grad, I had to confront these issues on my own with only poor coping mechanisms I had developed growing up. I had to educate myself about autism, and I had to spend a lot of time reflecting on myself and figuring out how to manage my worst impulses. If I had been educated and informed as a kid, I wouldn’t have needed to struggle like that for decades.
Do you know why humans are as advanced as we are? It’s because we can learn from each other and build on what people before us have done. A label helps you connect with people who have the same struggles and learn what strategies they used to cope and live a fulfilling life. It’s a way to avoid having to reinvent the wheel.
Everything is used to divide, someone autistic will behave in ways that “other” him regardless of labels, and people who want to hate are going to keep hating.
You don’t need them, don’t use them, but they absolutely are helpful for many people. We are nowhere near a society inclusive enough to make labels obsolete.
Beside, dealing with people’s attitude isn’t the only issue. Neurodivergent people will compare themselves to others on their own, and will struggle with their self image and self-esteem. A diagnosis will help with understanding themselves and finding better strategies much quicker.
Or…and just a thought…maybe people know their own truths better than you ever possibly could, and when they tell you that early diagnosis and therapy would have helped them immensely, you just believe them?
Also, I got diagnoses for Generalized Anxiety Disorder with Panic Attacks as well as Major Depressive Disorder, and having those diagnoses as a teen might have helped as well, ya know?
Fuckin Boomers
“We were focused on ourselves, so we just left you to twist in the wind.”
How precisely is this a generational thing?
It’s not specifically, but much of the cultural inertia that we struggle with today is a holdover from the outsized Boomer population and their influence on America for the last ~55 years. And Boomers, as a cohort, are markedly narcissistic and apathetic to the plights of others, while displaying significantly lower levels of empathy and/or understanding. They are largely uneducated, but obstinate that their outdated information still holds validity, and when pressed to change, or reform, typically respond with threats and attacks. This, while gaslighting those with greater knowledge than themselves- Dunning-Kruger personified.
So it’s not necessarily limited to Boomers, but this scenario absolutely describes a commonality of experience for those with Boomer parents, particularly of Millennial-age.