I have someone in my life who chose to find all of these things “meh”. One by one. Having recorded and enjoyed playing guitar for years, they deleted all of their music and decided to not play guitar anymore. Being into third wave coffee, they now stopped drinking it because it is pointless. Biking (or any kind of physical activity or being outside) has stopped. The introvert who was already hardly seeing anyone outside of home now leaves home even less and doesn’t want to meet any people. Anything that’s nice is met with a “meh”. All energy and devotion left go into buddhism, reading about it and meditating, which is a part of their life that is growing more and more. And I am not sure what to do. I would like them to get accessed for depression, but the answer I get is always “what for?”, because they would only prescribe antidepressants. Why would therapy work. I get that they are happy and content and that everything comes from the inside and not from outside things. But it feels like everything around this person is disappearing, nothing has meaning or value, so why bother. I’m really not sure what to do. Am I overreacting? Is this what buddhism makes you like? Just a zombie who finds everything meh because it doesn’t matter?
I don’t reply a lot, but your comment hits home for me, so:
That’s a bummer. No, Buddhism doesn’t have to do that, but there are a lot of ways to do buddhism, many branches/sects, a lot of people doing it wrong, overdoing it, doing it as obsessively as they did guitar etc. (raises hand)… It’s sad that it’s hard to find good role models in buddhism in the west, so we’re stuck sometimes trying to weed out the good/pure from the narcissistic youtubers. But as a fellow introvert who has done and still does a lot of things obsessively (including guitar, cycling, third wave coffee brewing/roasting, and meditation), my feel is: buddhism doesn’t require you to give up those things. It changes your clingy relationship to them, which may decrease your interest… for example, I realized I don’t want to be a rockstar, which was this big painful want for me (I had to practice every day and GET GOOD and find a band or else), and that changed my relationship with guitar. I still absolutely love playing, and practicing, but it’s a more relaxed love, not this painful drive to get this “thing.” You start to see the dreamlike quality of the “fictional” life you’re living, that it’s made up of concepts that we project from our own minds. But: you still want it to be a good dream, so you still do fun stuff! I love my friends and family, love jamming with my buds, love riding outside… but I’m able to see a little better now (than say 10 years ago) when that painful craving kicks in… so, same stuff, different relationship. More relaxed. At its best, more like a lucid dream than an anxiety dream.
However, at various points on my journey I’ve been accused by those close to me (well, my partner) of getting too into it. There may have been times where I was gung ho about meditating, and could’ve been ready to throw away old hobbies in the name of “spirituality.”. so I get that…
To answer your question, I don’t think buddhism makes you a zombie who finds everything meh because it doesn’t matter. If you’re trying too hard, you might unnecessarily eschew parts of your former life, but that’s not necessary for the path (unless you’re doing the whole monk thing… in which case, just go be a monk). Quite the contrary, life gets easier because you can pick up a hobby without the painful baggage of identifying with “I am this big coffee nerd now!” or whatever, and… just kinda enjoy it more. I’m not great at explaining it, I realize, hahaha. :)
I guess, feel free to PM me if you want to get more specific. I’m curious what sort of meditation your friend does. But I also don’t want to intervene… I am no expert.
oddly enough it was mostly the buddhist aspect and “the war against the ego/self” that caused it.
in going through the motions of the self or ego and the illusions thereof, or of your thoughts and ideas, you become very meta/self-aware and things that you enjoyed tend to take a back seat.
this is not because these things are bad, but because it felt like I had taken a “peak behind the curtain of the wizard of oz” and it made everything fall flat.
once I saw myself and reasons for what I did or didn’t do, it sucked the joy / purity / naivety of doing something for the sake of just enjoying it or for acceptance or being seen.
my wife oddly enough being so chilled (but concerned) allowed me to just follow it and play it through, as she probably hoped or expected it to naturally run to an end. which it did and I’ve had to let go of a lot of concepts and still have to unlearn things that damaged me emotionally (not pointing at buddhism, but I took things too far or serious perhaps).
if she wasn’t so calm and supportive and just let me go with it, I probably would have rebelled or turned it into this forbidden fruit.
so the more anyone had to go against me on it, I would just climb deeper into it. (same with other things) and when someone from the “outside” of buddhism said or criticised me, I would see it from a place of ego and I wouldn’t engage.
(PLEASE NOTE!!! this is just my personal experience and so I do not speak for anyone else on the matter of what and how they practice their beliefs lê lifestyles)
Its hard to focus on what you want from life when someone is constantly trying to get you to enjoy life from their perception of your previous interests. They have to want it. Whether the “it” us something new, a different perspective, or therapy.
I have someone in my life who chose to find all of these things “meh”. One by one. Having recorded and enjoyed playing guitar for years, they deleted all of their music and decided to not play guitar anymore. Being into third wave coffee, they now stopped drinking it because it is pointless. Biking (or any kind of physical activity or being outside) has stopped. The introvert who was already hardly seeing anyone outside of home now leaves home even less and doesn’t want to meet any people. Anything that’s nice is met with a “meh”. All energy and devotion left go into buddhism, reading about it and meditating, which is a part of their life that is growing more and more. And I am not sure what to do. I would like them to get accessed for depression, but the answer I get is always “what for?”, because they would only prescribe antidepressants. Why would therapy work. I get that they are happy and content and that everything comes from the inside and not from outside things. But it feels like everything around this person is disappearing, nothing has meaning or value, so why bother. I’m really not sure what to do. Am I overreacting? Is this what buddhism makes you like? Just a zombie who finds everything meh because it doesn’t matter?
I don’t reply a lot, but your comment hits home for me, so: That’s a bummer. No, Buddhism doesn’t have to do that, but there are a lot of ways to do buddhism, many branches/sects, a lot of people doing it wrong, overdoing it, doing it as obsessively as they did guitar etc. (raises hand)… It’s sad that it’s hard to find good role models in buddhism in the west, so we’re stuck sometimes trying to weed out the good/pure from the narcissistic youtubers. But as a fellow introvert who has done and still does a lot of things obsessively (including guitar, cycling, third wave coffee brewing/roasting, and meditation), my feel is: buddhism doesn’t require you to give up those things. It changes your clingy relationship to them, which may decrease your interest… for example, I realized I don’t want to be a rockstar, which was this big painful want for me (I had to practice every day and GET GOOD and find a band or else), and that changed my relationship with guitar. I still absolutely love playing, and practicing, but it’s a more relaxed love, not this painful drive to get this “thing.” You start to see the dreamlike quality of the “fictional” life you’re living, that it’s made up of concepts that we project from our own minds. But: you still want it to be a good dream, so you still do fun stuff! I love my friends and family, love jamming with my buds, love riding outside… but I’m able to see a little better now (than say 10 years ago) when that painful craving kicks in… so, same stuff, different relationship. More relaxed. At its best, more like a lucid dream than an anxiety dream.
However, at various points on my journey I’ve been accused by those close to me (well, my partner) of getting too into it. There may have been times where I was gung ho about meditating, and could’ve been ready to throw away old hobbies in the name of “spirituality.”. so I get that… To answer your question, I don’t think buddhism makes you a zombie who finds everything meh because it doesn’t matter. If you’re trying too hard, you might unnecessarily eschew parts of your former life, but that’s not necessary for the path (unless you’re doing the whole monk thing… in which case, just go be a monk). Quite the contrary, life gets easier because you can pick up a hobby without the painful baggage of identifying with “I am this big coffee nerd now!” or whatever, and… just kinda enjoy it more. I’m not great at explaining it, I realize, hahaha. :)
I guess, feel free to PM me if you want to get more specific. I’m curious what sort of meditation your friend does. But I also don’t want to intervene… I am no expert.
this post is seriously weird and scary, it feels like it was written by my wife in 2017, everything about this. uncanny….
How did your wife deal with it?
oddly enough it was mostly the buddhist aspect and “the war against the ego/self” that caused it.
in going through the motions of the self or ego and the illusions thereof, or of your thoughts and ideas, you become very meta/self-aware and things that you enjoyed tend to take a back seat.
this is not because these things are bad, but because it felt like I had taken a “peak behind the curtain of the wizard of oz” and it made everything fall flat.
once I saw myself and reasons for what I did or didn’t do, it sucked the joy / purity / naivety of doing something for the sake of just enjoying it or for acceptance or being seen.
my wife oddly enough being so chilled (but concerned) allowed me to just follow it and play it through, as she probably hoped or expected it to naturally run to an end. which it did and I’ve had to let go of a lot of concepts and still have to unlearn things that damaged me emotionally (not pointing at buddhism, but I took things too far or serious perhaps).
if she wasn’t so calm and supportive and just let me go with it, I probably would have rebelled or turned it into this forbidden fruit.
so the more anyone had to go against me on it, I would just climb deeper into it. (same with other things) and when someone from the “outside” of buddhism said or criticised me, I would see it from a place of ego and I wouldn’t engage.
(PLEASE NOTE!!! this is just my personal experience and so I do not speak for anyone else on the matter of what and how they practice their beliefs lê lifestyles)
Its hard to focus on what you want from life when someone is constantly trying to get you to enjoy life from their perception of your previous interests. They have to want it. Whether the “it” us something new, a different perspective, or therapy.