The dating pool - eviltoast
  • DogWater@lemmy.world
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    10 months ago

    Truth is the second option one is just a normal ass guy. Everyone has emotions and needs. The fact is it’s still taboo to be a “man” and have emotions.

    Like honestly tell me any other option on there is preferable to someone with emotions… She acting like women don’t require the same thing? Gtfoh. It’s not even a bad thing. It’s just a human thing.

    • AnalogyAddict@lemmy.world
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      10 months ago

      What she’s referring to isn’t the same as having emotions. She means the people who expect everyone around them, especially their romantic partner, to manage their emotions for them. Plenty of women do it, too.

      • Echo Dot@feddit.uk
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        10 months ago

        I don’t know anyone like that. I do know we are plenty of people who are drama queens.

        But that’s not really the same thing as having emotions people with functional emotions are actually fine, it’s the ones that don’t have emotions but do have an awful lot of opinions that are the problem.

      • jpreston2005@lemmy.world
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        10 months ago

        No, that’s the narcissist. She’s referring to having to help someone with their emotional needs. Sounds moreso like she needs to work on her own if it’s laborious to support her partner emotionally.

        • Pelicanen@sopuli.xyz
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          10 months ago

          Expecting your partner to be your personal therapist is not cool but it’s also not necessarily narcissism.

          • jpreston2005@lemmy.world
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            10 months ago

            Ah, so they key is to have your own therapist, and a partner that doesn’t give two shits about your emotional well being. gotcha.

            cuz being an emotionally supportive partner means becoming their personal therapist. cool cool, you sound fun

            • Pelicanen@sopuli.xyz
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              10 months ago

              Who said anything about that? You can share your emotions with your partner in a way where you don’t expect them to be your personal therapist. Generally, it’s healthy to have a support network, preferably not just one person and especially not just one person who isn’t even a professional.

              When you share your feelings with a therapist, that exchange is in one direction, you should never have to emotionally support your therapist. That is however not how it should be with a partner, in a romantic relationship both people should be able to share their emotions and receive support, and that isn’t possible if one person is treating the other as if they were a therapist and not giving them the space to share their emotions in turn.

              Most things in life are about balance, just because you don’t agree with something all the way one side (e.g. there is no way to create an unhealthy relationship dynamic by sharing your emotions, regardless of how you do it) doesn’t mean that you agree with something all the way to the other side (i.e. you shouldn’t give two shits about your partner’s emotional well-being).

              • jpreston2005@lemmy.world
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                10 months ago

                in a romantic relationship both people should be able to share their emotions and receive support

                Expecting your partner to be your personal therapist is not cool

                I was replying to someone up there who was shitting on men with emotions. Because they equated having them with being a bad partner. My point is that emotions are normal and wanting an emotionally supportive partner isn’t the same as treating them like a therapist.

                • Pelicanen@sopuli.xyz
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                  10 months ago

                  Who was shitting on men with emotions? I haven’t seen that at all.

                  wanting an emotionally supportive partner isn’t the same as treating them like a therapist

                  We agree on that, you can do one without doing the other.

    • _number8_@lemmy.world
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      10 months ago

      one of the main points and benefits of a relationship is being able to share problems with someone else and have someone that could cheer you up or to share excitement with

      ‘emotional labor’ is for actual jobs, especially customer service type jobs

    • 【J】【u】【s】【t】【Z】@lemmy.world
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      10 months ago

      She’s referring to overly emotional men, who need extra attention; guys who can’t handle failure or rejection, who have a bad day at work and then can’t help around the house at all at night and who expect their partner to take care of them, regardless of how their partner’s day went. I know the type of dude she’s talking about and I wouldn’t want my daughter to bring one home. Dude needs a mother not a partner.

      • Olhonestjim@lemmy.world
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        10 months ago

        Nope this is a list of all the men available, like she said. She’s painting all emotional men with the same brush. There are good men and bad men in each of those categories she listed, but she thinks we’re all bad.

        So I cry and need a hug sometimes? Emotional labor. I can describe the full range of emotions I feel to a partner and deal with them in a healthy way? Gross.

          • Olhonestjim@lemmy.world
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            10 months ago

            I know who I am. I’m just reading what she said. That’s the dating pool.

            Let me ask you this:

            How could a decent man possibly respond to a post like that without being lumped into it, like you just did to me?

              • Olhonestjim@lemmy.world
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                10 months ago

                Yes, I suppose we could just become more silent and withdrawn, couldn’t we?

                Let me try a different tack. I know I have issues. I’ve been working on myself for years. As men, we mostly experience negative reinforcement with emotional growth.

                But if we are trying to get healthy, how are we supposed to respond to that kind of invalidating talk, inside our own heads? What if the woman saying that kind of stuff isn’t just venting her frustration onto the internet, what if she’s saying it to us, in a relationship? Does that kind of talk inspire us to improve or push us into darker places? Is complaining about us like this in any way helping to improve the way men and women interact?

                • 【J】【u】【s】【t】【Z】@lemmy.world
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                  10 months ago

                  Once again you’re making it the woman’s job to help you improve yourself. You’re going to see and hear things that put you in a dark place. That’s life. Bringing yourself back to a middle ground of contendedness requires constant self work.

                  I’m sorry you have problems. Not everyone breaks the wheel.

                  • Olhonestjim@lemmy.world
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                    10 months ago

                    Well I appreciate your input. I agree that it’s not a woman’s job to help us improve ourselves, but you haven’t convinced me that this sort of complaint benefits anyone.

                    And no kidding. This is going to take a lifetime of work.