Dearest Mother,

We were loosed into the wilds once again to-day. The bars had no monkeys, but I was sure I heard their cries. More loudly, though, were the cries of Timothy who fell from the top of a pipe-skeletoned half-sphere. He was carted away to murky insides of the nurse’s office, gravel in his knee and his leg at a strange angle. Without warning, another of my compatriots skids to a stop just before my feet, having flung themselves from great height off of a ‘swing’. Mother, I am only 9 and unprepared for this cruel world into which I have been thrust. Shall I survive the day?

Your loving son,
~signed

---

based loosely on a true story. I also got my head bashed on a merry-go-round that probably should have resulted in stitches.

I’ve been convinced for years that cursive is boomer encryption.

You can cut cursive but cutting phonics is a major path to illiteracy. That whole word bullshit that charlatans managed to sell schools for awhile wrecked a generation of kids if they were unlucky enough to be in a district with gullible superintendents.

Stop, drop and roll drills made me think being on fire was going to be a regular occurrence in my life.

Blessed would be the day when Wishbone was shown on the rolling TV cart surfing history class 🐕

‘I’VE been to a day-school, too,’ said Alice; ‘you needn’t be so proud as all that.’

‘With extras?’ asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.

‘Yes,’ said Alice, ‘we learned French and music.’

‘And washing?’ said the Mock Turtle.

‘Certainly not!’ said Alice indignantly.

‘Ah! then yours wasn’t a really good school,’ said the Mock Turtle in a tone of great relief. ‘Now at OURS they had at the end of the bill, “French, music, AND WASHING–extra.”’

‘You couldn’t have wanted it much,’ said Alice; ‘living at the bottom of the sea.’

‘I couldn’t afford to learn it.’ said the Mock Turtle with a sigh. ‘I only took the regular course.’

‘What was that?’ inquired Alice.

‘Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,’ the Mock Turtle replied; ‘and then the different branches of Arithmetic-- Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.’

‘I never heard of “Uglification,”’ Alice ventured to say. ‘What is it?’

The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. ‘What! Never heard of uglifying!’ it exclaimed. ‘You know what to beautify is, I suppose?’

‘Yes,’ said Alice doubtfully: ‘it means–to–make–anything–prettier.’

‘Well, then,’ the Gryphon went on, ‘if you don’t know what to uglify is, you ARE a simpleton.’

Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it, so she turned to the Mock Turtle, and said ‘What else had you to learn?’

‘Well, there was Mystery,’ the Mock Turtle replied, counting off the subjects on his flappers, ‘–Mystery, ancient and modern, with Seaography: then Drawling–the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel, that used to come once a week: HE taught us Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.’

‘What was THAT like?’ said Alice.

‘Well, I can’t show it you myself,’ the Mock Turtle said: ‘I’m too stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.’

‘Hadn’t time,’ said the Gryphon: ‘I went to the Classics master, though. He was an old crab, HE was.’

‘I never went to him,’ the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: ‘he taught Laughing and Grief, they used to say.’

‘So he did, so he did,’ said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; and both creatures hid their faces in their paws.

‘And how many hours a day did you do lessons?’ said Alice, in a hurry to change the subject.

‘Ten hours the first day,’ said the Mock Turtle: ‘nine the next, and so on.’

‘What a curious plan!’ exclaimed Alice.

‘That’s the reason they’re called lessons,’ the Gryphon remarked: ‘because they lessen from day to day.’

This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a little before she made her next remark. ‘Then the eleventh day must have been a holiday?’

‘Of course it was,’ said the Mock Turtle.

‘And how did you manage on the twelfth?’ Alice went on eagerly.

‘That’s enough about lessons,’ the Gryphon interrupted in a very decided tone: ‘tell her something about the games now.’

This dude is all over social media with his middle of the road, “relatable” takes.

Dude’s the Pizzacake of twitterers.

Was it the Book It club that let you read books for some Pizza Hut pizza? X-Men also had a promotion there. I got one of the cups.

Now check out my Q’s and Z’s.

I find cursive much faster to write. Reading is a bit more pain though.

I learned cursive and never used it ever again

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what? i was taught cursive in primary school some point around 2010-11. this is just boomer “kids these days have it too easy” humor but for early millenials

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Apparently he didn’t learn enough to stop starting sentences with “and.”