We’re lucky we had the first cold war, really. Imagine how shit spy novels and movies would be if this is all the material the writers had to work with. James Bond: A Quantity of Garlic and the opening scene is 007 at a casino restaurant wondering why all the people look sad and he thinks it’s novichok but it’s because none of the food has any garlic in it. The garlic bread is just bread with a bit of dry parsley sprinkled on top. Then he dramatically runs into the kitchen and whispers menacingly to the coffee machine.

Next they will suspect chinese water.

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