I sleep in the couch and my wife of 18 years sleeps in the bed. (We’ve been married for 18 years, not that she’s 18…we both wish). On her last pregnancy she almost got a permanent irreversible divorce for free if you know what I mean. But she stuck around. She’s the type of person who has a vagina and can get pregnant. I happen to have a penis. I don’t know what she does to her vagina on a daily basis. I don’t give a fuck when she farts or what comes out of her asshole… I believe it’s both skittles. All I know is that I gotta go when I gotta go. I don’t use her restroom because I’m tired of leaving the seat in the wrong position. There are 7 days of the week and 3 possible toilet positions plus flush or not flushed and I’m just tired of the random ash Wednesday, when the moon is rising against Venus aligned with Pluto and the in-laws are coming so the seat must all be down and two flushes and a scrub. Fuch that, I go the the restroom next to the garage. I wash paint brushes there too and it smells like tires so nothing grows there. Finally, if the government must be informed every day I go to porn hub and bdsmx.tube and I know exactly which of the three things hanging from between my legs I must polish. Clearly two of them are not polished and have no practical purpose, believe me, I try quite a few times. I do that at the hotel too and when my wife is doing laundry I take my clothes off and give them to her. She’s not amused. Sometimes she comes and helps me on my daily struggle for personal smelly jelly. That makes my day sparkle. Now, the most important part of this is that we don’t do any sexual stuff in public. Not in church or at a funeral or in the car. We actually used to do it in the car when we didn’t have a house. Those were the days! Kid’s, get your selves some condoms and lube and go to a dark spot in the forest. It’s fun and no one gets hurt. Back to public, my plan is to have sex with anyone willing in a huge orgy where I get to touch and squeeze and penetrate and get touched and squeezed and penetrated back. I ran this by my wife and she said maybe. She’s afraid she might like it. Sometimes she offers me the possibility of having a play partner and I’d be happy to try another guy.
Anyway people on the internet, enough about my desires. One last thing, I’ve actually gone many times into the public restrooms used by women and kids in grayhound buses and 747 jets. No one seemed bothered and I really had to go! Plus they don’t let you get off the 747 mid flight anymore.
I hope that instead of making weird as fuck accusations about restrooms and what we do privately, the gob donates some money to give school restrooms private changing rooms and lets people love other people the way they’d like to love and be loved. Additionally in regards to privacy in schools…has anyone been to Walmart? They got changing rooms! You go in the room and test clothes. Its just you and your coach in the room. Oh wait, no at Wall mart you don’t need to have a coach watch you get naked. Maybe they should have that in schools. Assigned changing rooms. That way everyone gets privacy.
That’s all. Now one last thing to mention. I just woke up here in the couch and I gotta go poop. I wish you all and your partners a great weakend full of sex. Get out there and fuch somebody… Within legal limits. Think about those limitations and vote whoever is against your freedom off the gob. Vote them as far from public policy as your vote can get them.
I sleep in the couch and my wife of 18 years sleeps in the bed. (We’ve been married for 18 years, not that she’s 18…we both wish). On her last pregnancy she almost got a permanent irreversible divorce for free if you know what I mean. But she stuck around. She’s the type of person who has a vagina and can get pregnant. I happen to have a penis. I don’t know what she does to her vagina on a daily basis. I don’t give a fuck when she farts or what comes out of her asshole… I believe it’s both skittles. All I know is that I gotta go when I gotta go. I don’t use her restroom because I’m tired of leaving the seat in the wrong position. There are 7 days of the week and 3 possible toilet positions plus flush or not flushed and I’m just tired of the random ash Wednesday, when the moon is rising against Venus aligned with Pluto and the in-laws are coming so the seat must all be down and two flushes and a scrub. Fuch that, I go the the restroom next to the garage. I wash paint brushes there too and it smells like tires so nothing grows there. Finally, if the government must be informed every day I go to porn hub and bdsmx.tube and I know exactly which of the three things hanging from between my legs I must polish. Clearly two of them are not polished and have no practical purpose, believe me, I try quite a few times. I do that at the hotel too and when my wife is doing laundry I take my clothes off and give them to her. She’s not amused. Sometimes she comes and helps me on my daily struggle for personal smelly jelly. That makes my day sparkle. Now, the most important part of this is that we don’t do any sexual stuff in public. Not in church or at a funeral or in the car. We actually used to do it in the car when we didn’t have a house. Those were the days! Kid’s, get your selves some condoms and lube and go to a dark spot in the forest. It’s fun and no one gets hurt. Back to public, my plan is to have sex with anyone willing in a huge orgy where I get to touch and squeeze and penetrate and get touched and squeezed and penetrated back. I ran this by my wife and she said maybe. She’s afraid she might like it. Sometimes she offers me the possibility of having a play partner and I’d be happy to try another guy.
Anyway people on the internet, enough about my desires. One last thing, I’ve actually gone many times into the public restrooms used by women and kids in grayhound buses and 747 jets. No one seemed bothered and I really had to go! Plus they don’t let you get off the 747 mid flight anymore.
I hope that instead of making weird as fuck accusations about restrooms and what we do privately, the gob donates some money to give school restrooms private changing rooms and lets people love other people the way they’d like to love and be loved. Additionally in regards to privacy in schools…has anyone been to Walmart? They got changing rooms! You go in the room and test clothes. Its just you and your coach in the room. Oh wait, no at Wall mart you don’t need to have a coach watch you get naked. Maybe they should have that in schools. Assigned changing rooms. That way everyone gets privacy.
That’s all. Now one last thing to mention. I just woke up here in the couch and I gotta go poop. I wish you all and your partners a great weakend full of sex. Get out there and fuch somebody… Within legal limits. Think about those limitations and vote whoever is against your freedom off the gob. Vote them as far from public policy as your vote can get them.
Dude wtf