AITA for asking out a random lady? - eviltoast

I’m non-binary, single, and looking for people to date IRL or through mutual connections. When one of my friends and I were playing a video game, he introduced me to one of his friends. I decided out of loneliness and just because I can, without even seeing her face or anything, to go out with me. She said no. Am I a weirdo? An asshole?

  • Canaconda@lemmy.ca
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    2 months ago

    mutual connections

    You gotta establish that connection first my dude.

    TLDR what you did was inappropriate, but you seem to be aware of that. So you’re not a weirdo or an asshole AFAICT.

    As I posited in my other comment… I’m assuming you’re relatively young? This sounds like the normal learning process NGL.

  • SGforce@lemmy.ca
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    2 months ago

    As long as you didn’t keep pushing after the “no”, you’re fine.

  • inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    Hard to say without knowing the full conversation, but the fact that you refer to her as “random lady”, never met and did so because YOU “were lonely and could” aren’t great signs.

    It sounds like you didn’t really know her and only asked her out because it’s what you wanted, not what you think she might want. You need to join more groups and build up your own IRL social circle to deal with being lonely instead of just latching on to a random woman.

    I speak from experince and have done this sort of thing myself when I was younger. But you gotta understand it’s not fair to her nor a real solution for your own situation.

  • lady_maria@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    yeah, you’re the asshole. Kind of. Though in the grand scheme of things, there are farrrrrrrr worse things you could’ve done.

    The following is going to sound harsh. It may or may not be true; I don’t know you, you’re young (or at least I really hope so), and everyone has the ability to change, anyway. But I think it might be helpful for me to explain the impression that you MAY have given her.

    You asking her out before actually getting to know her (presumably, since you just met) communicates to her that you didn’t care to. That you are more interested in what you can get from her than in her as a person. That you jumped to considering a romantic relationship before even considering a friendship. And that you’re primarily seeking sex and/or relief from your lonliness, not spending time with her because you genuinely like her and want to know more about her.

    I understand the loneliness, truly. I know it’s really really fucking painful. But please hang in there. This will get way easier over time, as long as you’re honest, gracious, and accountable to yourself and others.

    There are so many lessons we all have to learn one way or another. Don’t be hard on yourself.

  • BCsven@lemmy.ca
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    2 months ago

    Depends on if you mean go out as in: “Hey want to go out to dinner and get to know each other” or out as in: " wanna be by GF"