I’m non-binary, single, and looking for people to date IRL or through mutual connections. When one of my friends and I were playing a video game, he introduced me to one of his friends. I decided out of loneliness and just because I can, without even seeing her face or anything, to go out with me. She said no. Am I a weirdo? An asshole?
yeah, you’re the asshole. Kind of. Though in the grand scheme of things, there are farrrrrrrr worse things you could’ve done.
The following is going to sound harsh. It may or may not be true; I don’t know you, you’re young (or at least I really hope so), and everyone has the ability to change, anyway. But I think it might be helpful for me to explain the impression that you MAY have given her.
You asking her out before actually getting to know her (presumably, since you just met) communicates to her that you didn’t care to. That you are more interested in what you can get from her than in her as a person. That you jumped to considering a romantic relationship before even considering a friendship. And that you’re primarily seeking sex and/or relief from your lonliness, not spending time with her because you genuinely like her and want to know more about her.
I understand the loneliness, truly. I know it’s really really fucking painful. But please hang in there. This will get way easier over time, as long as you’re honest, gracious, and accountable to yourself and others.
There are so many lessons we all have to learn one way or another. Don’t be hard on yourself.