Does she want her grave to become a public toilet?

I wanted to thank you for this comment. It actually means a lot and made me realize that I wasn’t as bad as I had thought. I do stand by everything I said and how I said because at the end of the day, when you raise your voice I will raise mine back. I do think you give me too much credit, while I have been slightly able to confront my family (I will not being doing it anymore as I’m already the black sheep and this fight has alienated me further) I cannot do the same in other settings like school. I was only able to confront the flag thing because it was in private office hours. I never speak up in class, even when confronted with blatant misinformation, and I never really talk back. I try to do all the arguing in my papers buts that’s about it. This whole family thing was honestly an outlier and recently (today) my grandma lectured me about it, saying I was possessed by the devil and should apologize for how I acted. It sucks but it is what it is. At the end of the day I have to lay low in every aspect of life, school and even in my own home.

hard men

Just admitting that war is their kink

The dichotomy of man

I have not, I didn’t even think that was allowed to be honest. I have, at best, considered emailing Ivan Katchanovski and Radhika Desai (both Canada based) but even then I still hesitate. I just find it weird for me, a student not affiliated with their institutions, to be emailing them about my own school stuff. It’s definitely a lot of anxiety holding me back, I struggle to even email my own professors let alone someone elsewhere.

I really wish he hadn’t said anything because now I feel even more unsafe. I confided in him before telling him that I felt unsafe and like a walking contradiction in this school (stupid of me, I know), and he said that its a shame fringe ideas aren’t accepted here since a university should be a place that fosters free speech. He even promised that he’d defend me if I ever spoke up in class and got dogpiled. Looks like that was a lie. Sure, I’ve never spoken up in class with something that would require him to defend me, but why would I when I was emailed with this shit? Now I’m more isolated and fearful than ever before, I don’t know if that was his intent, maybe he was genuinely trying to help, but it clearly backfired. He really fucked me over.

I’m glad I’m not crazy for reacting the way I did, because at the time I truly felt like I was. But thats what gaslighting is, I guess.

Pokémon Scarlet/Violet, Pokémon emerald, and sonic the hedgehog 1. I’m stuck on marble zone act 3, I keep falling in the fucking lava, I miss a jump and I fall three levels down, it’s so hard for what 😭 I want to beat the original sonic games before playing frontiers.

I am proud of our comrades in the Global South, they are making huge strides and it warms my heart, I just wish the same would happen here too. I know Canada will be one of the last nations to ever accept Marxism even a little bit but I thought a university would be a good place too foster knowledge, what with the whole “free speech” thing. My history professor told me that university is supposed to be a place for freedom of ideas but that was a bold faced lie (he was trying to comfort me when I expressed to him that I felt unsafe and like a walking contradiction… I should have never confided in him).

I sound like a huge pessimist and a downer, but I will keep my mind and heart open. It would be nice to have allies but if I have to go at it alone I will.

You know, I might do that. I’ve been hesitant to join any organization since I have no idea which ones are good or bad, there was an organization that I saw out ad about a lot and was considering joining them but on their socials I saw them call China imperialist and that made me very skeptical. I remember asking the grad about them and it turned out they weren’t that great.

It looks like YCL is associated with the Communist party of Canada, is it worth it? I get super nervous about stuff like this. Putting myself out there is really difficult for some reason.

What sucks is that people the who call themselves anti-imperialist seem to have a skewed definition of what imperialism is. I don’t want to write off every single person, professor or student, but it’s difficult to sustain hope as when I think I’ve found a peer that goes out the window the next sentence they say. I’ll keep an open mind but not so much I’ll end up disappointing myself, if that makes sense.

It honestly does boggle my mind when conservatives complain about “Marxism” is academia and how they have to pretend to be liberals when studying. Here’s the thing about that, they’re more accepted than any communist and the only problems they will face as conservatives is push back against their racism and transphobia (and antivaxx sentiments), if they drop those attitudes then they’ll get by easily.

My political science professor told me that I would do well in academia because Marxism is very accepted, but he was so so wrong…

I definitely won’t bring him up, I’ll just read him on my own time. I’m already in a precarious situation and don’t want to rock the boat anymore than I already have. My history paper might be the tipping point but I’ll at least be done with the semester by then.

I can see why you’re upset, comrade. Sorry you have to go through this gas lighting.

That’s literally what this is, isn’t it? Gaslighting. I’ve never been gaslit before so I didn’t know what it felt like. It’s horrible. I really did question if I was crazy. If two authority figures are saying I am, maybe it’s true. It’s not, of course, but I went through those feelings of questioning my sanity. It’s a painful experience, I never thought it would hurt so badly. Even though I’m not feeling as terrible as yesterday, it is still lingering and the lecture today plus a new email I received is not helping. Sometimes I feel like this is being done on purpose but I have to remember I am not the centre of the universe.

Maybe I should read Marxist theory as a relaxer, it may help me make it through school more than video games will (although they are fun). Sometimes I just get overwhelmed with the sheer volume of works it can be hard to choose.

I will survive my undergrad even though I’ll be a little “traumatized” by the end. Maybe my masters won’t be as bad if I can study under a professor that is worth learning from. I want to get involved with either my school’s Indigenous club or with a local group but my social anxiety hold me back tremendously. Once I get it reigned in I will definitely move forward with that.

Honestly, I probably would have just groaned rather than cried upon reading that email

You are much stronger than me, but then again I am a very sensitive person, I have been my whole life. Hopefully one day I can have the same reaction as you. I think being incredibly sleep deprived (pulled two all-nighters in a row to finish a paper) made it easer to break me down. I think I also just got protective over Katchanovski too even though he’s a grown man who can defend himself just fine, I’m sure he knows about what certain people think of him and it doesn’t bother him, but him being called fringe hit me personally because I guess I am too. It also cuts that this is all coming from two authority figures, two people (probably more) that can do so much and I can’t. It just proved to me that I am unsafe no matter where I go in this school.

Ooooof, G‐d… I swear, that historiaster has laid waste to the field of WWII studies.

My professor seems to be a big fan of Timothy Snyder, and I guess the Head of the Ukrainian “club” is too considering they both mention him as an authority. My professor told me to look into Snyder during our meeting, he references him in our class about the holodomor (this was on Wednesday) and he gets mentioned again by the Ukrainian “club” leader. People seem very attached to him. I do have Grover Furr’s book but I haven’t had the time to read it, but I might have to soon.

Thank you for linking so many sources, I’ll try to get through them too.

Yes, I’m a university student. I knew before hand that I was going into a very liberal institution (I would say most Canadian schools are like that) but I honestly didn’t think it would be this bad. My political science teacher told me that Marxists do very well in academia so my ideas and whatnot will not be unacceptable. But it seems like he’s wrong for this specific school as not only are professors like this, but so are the higher ups. The statement he copied and pasted from the head of the Ukrainian “club” (it is much more official than a club but I’m being careful with words) just proves this goes much further. So far it seems all the decent professors live elsewhere and I’m stuck with cryptofascists…

I may have screwed up in my summarizing of the statement. When I wrote “gain ground” I meant gain support., that’s my bad for doing a terrible job of paraphrasing. What he said in the statement was “[the separatists] were flailing and had comparatively little public backing until Russian troops moved in to support them in 2014.” That’s my bad but I don’t know if what he actually said helps his case.

With regards to finding solace in my fellow students, I don’t think that’s going to happen any time soon. So far everyone in my classes follows a similar line of thinking, even when one girl (who is an immigrant from Latin America) criticized Hannah Arendt’s “banality of evil” piece we had to read for our holocaust week, in another class she doesn’t pull any punched against the Soviets (essentially equating them to Nazis in how they treated the Polish). Maybe future courses will be better but I won’t hold my breath.

Perfect timing for me, oh my god lol

There’s nothing embarrassing about ASMR, I think I just got personally embarrassed because I was being “spoken to” if that makes sense. I don’t usually listen to these but this one I saw in a video and was intrigued.