I just wrote my comment on this particular issue. I had a coworker complain that I made more than them and Boss tried to shame me for it.

Weirdly though I became the manager at my next place and had no problem sitting someone down and telling them why they weren’t making as much as their counterparts and when they’d get their scheduled raise and how they could improve and possibly get a bonus raise based purely on merit.

Some people get salty, some people rise to the occasion. The ones that rise to the occasion are dedicated, they’re receptive to constructive criticism and eager to show you they want to improve. It’s just as much a breathe of fresh air for me to see them so happy that they actually got a raise and I wasn’t just blowing smoke up their asses as it was for them to actually get a raise.

After two raises to two different people I had shown my owner that his money was being put to good use because we got long standing, dedicated employees that went above and beyond. He never questioned it again after that when I proposed a raise for a coworker. Good man, and a good team.

I’ve basically made a career out of serving and bartending. I took a 5 year break to do the stay at home mom thing but my first job getting back into it loved me at first.

It was a very interesting dynamic because it was my first job outside the city I grew up in but it was like riding a bike and I picked it up and immediately impressed them on the first night I was only supposed to be training.

Problem was was that they started firing my coworkers for the most questionable reasons. Then the trophy wife owner would show up to every court hearing for unemployment with forged signatures on their “policy handbook”. A lot of underhanded tactics were used. One of my very good friends was fired on his birthday.

But everytime they’d give me a raise to placate me so I wouldn’t leave. I could write a novel about that place because that’s how my mind works but I won’t.

Long story short, I responded to a server/bartender Facebook group at one point and mentioned my hourly for serving and for bartending. A coworker happen to see my comment and must have complained. (She couldn’t have ever earned the raises I got even if I got them on merit, but she’s a squeaky wheel and sits on a stool when her patrons need their beverages refreshed and plates cleared)

Boss lady made the mistake of messaging me that “it was agreed that you would not talk about your pay” which wasn’t true. She’d whisper to me that I got another raise but never actually said not to say anything, and also- you don’t get to dictate what I speak about on my own personal Facebook account.

I removed my comment just to unruffle feathers however I saved my boss’s message and linked her the exact federal/state article that forbids her from reprimanding me.

That’s when they tried to get me for minor shit. It was absolutely transparent what they were doing but I recorded everything and kept track of dates, times, incidents, message screenshots.

I saw the writing on the wall though and there was another place that had been wanting to poach me for a good while.

I was planning on fighting them earnestly for unemployment and take a month or two off before I started with the new place but they got desperate when their daytime bartender left so I got matching wages if I put my two weeks in and started ASAP so I did.

It was an absolute blessing. That next place treated me well and I was there for about 6 years until they closed their doors for good. Still miss them. I would have missed my old bosses too, if they didn’t try to do dirty the way they did because I genuinely loved them and I wish there wasn’t that bad blood. I don’t regret anything though. They brought it on themselves being so two faced and underhanded.

I threw up in my mouth a little bit. I wanna punch this dude and dedicate my effort to his poor wife.

Naw. I hear it all the time as a bartender. I think self deprecating humor is the outward intent. (Make the lady laugh)

But there’s another motive. Manage expectations: If they do happen to see your junk, they’ll be impressed because they assumed you weren’t lying.

And if you don’t mind me sharing all my side thoughts, let’s be real here. A dude can make your night with three inches and a dude can ruin your night with 8. Size is only just one of many variables when it comes to sexual compatibility but it’s one of the most popular that society focuses on.

I also don’t know why this is being coached as a gay vs straight thing because in my little bubble of anecdotal evidence, my non-straight friends/gamer friends/customers/coworkers/family focus more on size than their straight counterparts do. But they use the same fucked up humor! Honestly, they can tend towards more raunchy and uncouth humor, which I happen to love. It’s to the point where I’ve grouped many of my facebook friends into their own separate group that I’ll post to so as to not offend or traumatize some of my young and old friends and family.

The straights are OK. At least the same as they always have been. We’re all a little fucked up, but that goes for everyone.

I happen to find self deprecating humor funny.

I wouldn’t be funny at all without it. Gives us a break, sheesh.

They just forgot that /s

I really appreciate this perspective and it really does shine light on how one is raised based on their gender. I can think of a multitude of examples from your perspective and also from who you are responding to.

I’m absolutely positive that, regardless of how hard I tried not to, I did raise my son and daughter differently. All I hope is that I did a little better than my parents did for me and my brothers and, should they have kids themselves, my children do a little better than I did, and so on and so forth.

Today is not that day but maybe when I’m dust, society will slowly limp along and evolve. Conversations like this may seem divisive now but I think they’re needed in the grand scheme of things.

Maaaan. Why’d you have to go and do that? I was nodding my head at your words until you clarified it’s the woman folks fault.

You immediately made yourself a part of the gender war shenanigans with everything you said right after.

Men do shitty things. Women do shitty things. That’s it. There are always exceptions to the rule, there are always stereotypes that too many don’t fall into. The bad apple stick out because they upset you and the memory sticks. We all come across asshole every day.

I want to give you a hug honestly. And that’s not being sarcastic or condescending. I just got off work and as much as I want to say what I want to say to this type of talk, I don’t. It does no good.

Having a good talk, sharing a drink or a smoke together and hugging/fist bumping/offering my jukebox credits is way better than man hating just because I deal with assholes all day. So I’m offering my last hug of the day to you because I’m sure you don’t truly believe the woman here was speaking against you specifically or even every man she’s ever encountered.

Men aren’t the devil incarnate. Neither are women, though.

I will happily let someone go on about something that excites them because I get it. I feel like there are at least two different points being made here and each camp will not listen to the other.

I will hide out in my studio sometimes to get peace from my boyfriend. It’s not that I don’t love him. I adore him!! He’s treated me better than any other man I’ve been with.

But we don’t have conversations. It’s a long standing issue with us that we are always working on. I listen to his monologues. Even if he has good intentions and asks about my day, most times I can’t get even halfway through something I need to share off my chest before it distracts him and I’m listening to him for 3 hours. Sometimes he’ll even ask, “you know what I mean?” “You get where I’m coming from?” And I’ll take a breathe to speak aaaaand shut my mouth on it because he doesn’t wait for a response.

It can be overwhelming but we talk about it respectfully in the end. I lie, sometimes I get overwhelmed and exasperated. Then he will knock or text me to talk things out. Sometimes he gets upset when I need alone time and then I go to him and we talk. We ultimately apologize to each other. He’s an amazing man and he calls me his goddess. We put up with each other’s bullshit because we are both imperfect and still come back together in the end and absolutely adore each other.

The difference in this particular post though, is my spouse wouldn’t respond the way this dude did. Then again, I don’t hinge my entire opinion on what woman on the internet says and what another man responds to it with. The warp and weft of gender, sexism, and neurodivergence, cannot be wrapped into one neat package of absolutes.

Everyone has their opinions but they can also all be at least a little right.

How many women are? They have been notoriously under diagnosed, so what? We still have to live and adapt to this world, regardless.

I got my autism diagnoses at 39 years of age. Not that it does any good besides validating many of my lived experiences.

Consider how many women are ND and have been forced fed the notion that we must sit down, shut up, focus, stay on task, do our duties, be strong women, never rock the boat, never be weird, keep a clean home, raise our children right, get paired with the ND boys in class who do actually get diagnosed so as to keep them on task, understand that boys will be boys ad nauseum.

If I could adapt without any sympathy others can, too, man or woman. Communication is practiced. It must be nurtured from a young age regardless of any roadblocks you’re born with or born to.

What I noticed was that most of my best friends were diagnosed. We clicked not only because we were similar but also because my teachers paired me with them and it brought us closer for it. Meanwhile, I struggled in school myself. I also had to hold the hands of my friends and be their keepers. It makes me upset that they had extra help while more responsibility was foisted on me when I needed help myself and never got it.

How am I a bartender who can absolutely relate to what she is saying and how he responded while still, also, being ND myself? Is it any wonder I never went into secondary schooling with the experience I had from grade school to highschool?

One of my patrons is so much further on the spectrum than I and I would never condescend to her while she is speaking about anything. I’m truly happy to hear about anything she has to talk about.

But if someone, man or woman, comes into my establishment and spoke to me in the same vein he is, I’d respond the same way she did because that response is something I learned to adapt to my surroundings regardless of a diagnosis.

He fell right into a trap she set and he did it all by himself by typing it out and hitting send. If he’s eloquent enough to respond the way he did, he’s deserving of the answer he got. There is no excuse here that would make me forgive his response.

If you’re going to use your diagnosis as a crutch, be off with you. You can disagree, but not anywhere in this little text post is there any indication that he even is NB in the first place.

What she was saying is something that women struggle with NB or not. Men also have their own struggles. Both are valid and there’s no reason to be defensive about her response unless you’re guilty of doing it yourself. But then you’re just projecting.

She was being sardonic. He was being defensive, borderline hostile. This observation is subjective, I know.

When I’m unsure, I just ask. Like this: Are you being sarcastic or satirical right now or or are you being a Shawn?

“If the shoe fits”… So maybe sit with your thoughts a bit longer to a logical conclusion instead of jumping to social media to dump your little thought vomit.

I knew a Tim that I haven’t seen in about ten years now, thank god. All I know is that if something goes wrong on the job, Tim was the one who should have dealt with it. Instead of actually dealing with it he’d make his 70 year old mother do it, he’d sexually harass and verbally abuse us in front of customers.

So when shit goes wrong at work for me now the code word is “Tim’s a douche” it always catches on anywhere I work.

OP I’m sorry if this is a rant and your name is Tim. I know many good Tims as well.

When you get into main cities, public transportation and walking becomes easier and it makes sense to tax drivers more.

I’ve been working in the backwoods/suburbs for over 15 years now and in the US, you’re fucked. There is no way to get/keep a job without a car because there are no bike lanes, no sidewalks, and good luck trying to find a taxi/Uber. Your forced to take on the emissions testing, loans for junk cars because we can’t afford new cars. A 15 minute drive is 2 hours on foot because there are no sidewalks, you have to cut through yards, which is “trespassing” and you could get shot, especially in the backwoods areas.

They basically make it illegal to NOT have a car. And that’s a win for them because then they can tax the fuck out of you for owning one

Man sketchers are awesome. I have a pair that I’ve re-bought consistently for years because they were the perfect fit, comfy, and were nondescript. Now they’ve discontinued them so I have to see if I can order them online.

I remember when I was kid though. We always had hands-down, goodwill, and k-mart clothes. But one of my Pop’s jobs was a janitor at the “rich” school district and he’d watch the lost and found box and wait for the shit he brought in to expire.

Once it was in the bin for more than a month it got “donated”. Half of that stuff went to the kids of the people that worked there. My brothers and I being some of them. So Pops scored me a pair of Air Nike when Jordan was at the height of his career.

Wouldn’t you know it? One dude on the play ground had to ask why I was wearing a Walmart T-shirt while wearing Nike shoes. Seriously, kids are fucking brutal.

I learned long before that that I was “poor” so I learned how to play it off and flipped the script. “Are you that superficial that you give a shit? It never even occurred to me to look at what you’re wearing but now that I am, all you are is a wigger” (slur for a wannabe in my era/location). He left me alone the rest of our school career.

I’m in my forties now but somewhere in my thirties he hit me up on Facebook and apologized for being a little shit. Turns out he had a bit of a crush on me and that’s how he showed it amongst other reasons. He was newly divorced when he reconnected with me so I had to turn him down (that the only reason you’re apologizing, dude?) but he was much nicer about everything this time.

Kids can be nasty but many of them grow up. Anytime you can stand up to adults in front of your kids it’s teaching them how to stand up to their own peers. Show them every example you can of how to handle what they’re dealing with. How you stand up to your family, friends, and peers, is how your kids learn how to do the same thing.

You can’t buy yourself out of bullying. Even rich kids get bullied. Confidence in yourself and empathy for others are a far better lesson to teach the next generation.

Fuck that noice! Sometimes I buy bacon only because my fat jar is empty. That shit is gold for cooking with.

Pickled Brussels Sprout.

Depends on how relaxed you are. Also are you ok with chronic hemroids?

I just adore the little white line through “butt”. It’s ironically adorable and performative. That’s like in the 80-90’s when they’d censor movies on regular TV when they’d bleep over “hole” but not actually censor “ass”.

Makes me giggle everytime.

Even trying to censor or substitute any word for the sake of it being problematic is just stupid in my opinion. We all know the word it is you’re trying to say anyway. The substitute is just as triggering because it is the principle, the ideal, that is triggering, not the actual word itself.

Words have power when you give them power regardless of how vulgar, crass, or respectful you’re trying to be.

I always think of Michael Scott and one or two of his great lines when I have occasion to think/discuss this particular point. Honestly, I won’t even quote it. There’re actually two that fit perfectly, one being a single quote and one being a dialog.

I’d have to censor myself because I’m still not quite sure of the rules and guidelines. I’d be hypocritical by censoring it. It would also just be fun to draw out The Office (US) fans by letting them do it for me.

Maybe our lived experiences are anecdotal, different. Your stance seems very generalized, though, if you don’t mind me saying so.

The type of shit the average Joe/Jill deals with depends on their location, situation, and reaction cannot be wrapped up so simply. Mass shootings and politics are just more issues you’re lumping together in a way I feel just isn’t so beautifully packaged as you wrapped it up to be.

Our society is fucked. Don’t get me wrong. But I’m smart/dumb enough not to call you on it outright while I still understand that everything you encompassed here is far more nuanced than a simple, regurgitated hot take.

Many of the people that have helped me escape muggings are the same people our society would accuse of mugging me. 100% of the time they were more helpful than law enforcement.

I think that speaks more to the topic at hand than your comment. We only have each other, sometimes just ourselves, and we cannot look to those that are suppose to uphold the law so we take care of ourselves to a passionate degree and learn fast that it’s better to ask forgiveness than it is permission. The court system is a joke, too. So again. Too many topics, ideals, and talking points to wrap up in a neat little package.

If it was as simple as all of that, why not run for office with this as your platform? Do the work. We all know those actually in office aren’t doing it, so prove them wrong. Otherwise, and I’m sorry, but I take what you say just as seriously as the pontificating drunks I served all night.