Do you actually care about your friend's new baby, vacation abroad or similar life events or are you just being nice? - eviltoast

Because I don’t, and pretending to feels dishonest. I’ll listen if they want to talk about it, but I’m not going to act interested, and I certainly won’t ask about it on my own. What I’m trying to figure out is whether people actually care, or if they’re just playing a social game that I’m simply not interested in.

I’m probably on the autistic spectrum, which likely explains this to some extent. But that’s not an excuse - being an asshole is perfectly compatible with autism, so before dunking on me, please realise I probably agree with your criticism.

  • Nougat@fedia.io
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    2 months ago

    I don’t always care about the specific thing very much, but I have learned to recognize when someone wants to share their life experience. And they’ve chosen to share their life experience with me. It takes a bit of extra effort, in an “Okay, what about any of this interests me, so I can ask questions from that perspective,” but I’ll always try to find something to say that makes the other person feel appreciated for sharing. Because it’s probably not that they want me to “see what they’ve done” and more that they want to engage on a personal level with another human being.

    It’s a lot easier for me to support that engagement when I look at the interaction through that lens. I don’t always get opportunities to engage like that with other people, and it’s probably healthy for me to accept those opportunities when they come.