The Holy? bible - eviltoast
  • Fedizen@lemmy.world
    45·
    1 month ago

    “Youtuber Kevin Tots here, today we’re going to find out which is more powerful: this AR16 sport rifle or the holy words of the king james bible.”

    gunshots

    “As you can see the bible didn’t stand a chance.”

  • Cadeillac@lemmy.worldEnglish
    24·
    1 month ago

    You can tell this tape was made by Satan. It has at least four sides. If that isn’t evil magic I don’t know what is

    • HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.worldEnglish
      4·
      1 month ago

      We had a blind woman at our church in the 90s. We got her copies of the Bible on tape and in braille and those fuckers are huge. She would have loved CDs.

  • Rolando_Cueva@lemmy.world
    5·
    1 month ago

    Oh man, come on. It’s not that bad. The Gospels are an enjoyable read. I also like 1 John, I wish more Christians read this one. But they’d rather behave like Pharisees…

    • Flying Squid@lemmy.worldM
      3·
      1 month ago

      I say this as a life-long atheist: a decent translation plus a decent reader can make the more poetic parts of the Bible worth hearing, especially since much of it was adapted from oral history, so it was adapted from stories that were originally told aloud anyway. It’s no different to me than the Odyssey or the Beowulf in that sense.

      All the begats and the crazy prophecies are still quite the slog though.

      For example, I haven’t heard this particular one, but I bet it’s absolutely worth a listen:

      Possibly not all 17 hours’ worth though. I hope the poor guy didn’t have to do it over just a couple of weeks of recording.

      Edit: I’d definitely give this a listen too. He would really bring out the bloodthirsty parts.

      Edit 2: Holy shit, he did it with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra providing the soundtrack. I’m sorry, if you don’t find this entertaining no matter what you believe, I don’t know what to say…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56wxqjvp4HA

      • Rolando_Cueva@lemmy.world
        2·
        1 month ago

        For what it’s worth, Job is so out of place, I’m not even sure if that guy existed lol. It seems that it was meant to be poetry in the original Hebrew.

        • Flying Squid@lemmy.worldM
          2·
          1 month ago

          There’s very little evidence for the existence of most of the characters in the Old Testament. There’s not even much evidence for characters in the New Testament.

          Most historians think there was a person that was the historical basis for Jesus in the Bible, but if anything was written down about him while he was alive, it hasn’t survived.

          • Rolando_Cueva@lemmy.world
            1·
            1 month ago

            I guess it seems that way, if you view the Gospels as hearsay rather than eyewitness accounts. Even if you substract the miracles, Jesus is a very inspiring person, even in Mark, the shortest Gospel.

            The Roman authorities could have denied the crucifixion if it didn’t happen. Then there’s the resurrection, that’s difficult to believe, I get it. One has to acknowledge the possibility that a god might exist. It does take a leap of faith.

            It’s nonetheless amazing how fast Christianity grew, even before the Edict of Milan. Greek polytheists, like Celsus, were skeptical. He wrote a book called The True Word which contained his objections to the Christian faith. Origen wrote Contra Celsum in 248 AD and addressed every objection. Truly impressive. Greek and Roman polytheists were abandoning their religion en masse because Christianity made so much sense to them. Islam spread through the sword, Christianity by word of mouth. Well at least before the crusades and colonialism, but it started out as a pacifist movement, like Jesus taught. Muslims started their caliphate the moment Mohammed died lol. It’s a problem with many “Christians” they don’t actually read their Bible. “He who takes the sword shall die by the sword” and there’s “turn the other cheek” etc, etc.

            Could it be all made up? Sure. But it could also be true. Jesus died in 33 AD, Mark wrote his Gospel c. 60 AD. That’s not a lot of time is it? The 12 were preaching the Gospel orally and then they were getting older so they wrote it down for posterity’s sake. And Saul of Tarsus was writing epistles before that. Not too bad huh?

            Idk I guess I have nothing to lose, Jesus is a really cool guy. Did you know that the first person that he appeared to was Mary Magdalene, a woman? Even though female eyewitness testimonies were considered unreliable at the time? Like seriously He is so dope. He was a feminist even before it was cool. That’s like a really weird detail if it was all made up.

            But I understand if you’re hesitant. So many “Christians” preach hate, even though Jesus told us to love our neighbour, even to pray for those who persecute us. I’m personally disgusted by Steven Anderson, he’s such a jerk. Kenneth Copeland obviously doesn’t care about Jesus, only money. He worships Mammon lol.

            I finished reading Mark not too long ago. I’m not sure which Gospel to read next. Maybe Matthew? I love Matthew 5. I wish more Christians would read this one. Or maybe I’ll read John, idk.

            Anyways man (or woman?) take care. Even if you don’t believe in God, I wish you well. May you find peace and happiness in your life. This is the part where I would say God bless. But maybe it’s not a good idea in this case lol. Have a good one mate!

      • Rolando_Cueva@lemmy.world
        2·
        1 month ago

        Ughhhhh the begats!!! People back then really cared about genealogies huh? I like Mark’s Gospel, short, concise, straight to the point. I found it inspiring even when I was an atheist!

        Matthew and Luke certainly do require more faith of course. But Mark can be enjoyed by anyone.

        Not the biggest fan of the KJV but thanks. I’ll check it out :)