I like to compare addiction with hunger. You are feeling bad when you have it and only eating will get you feel comfortable again. Also it is hard to fast. It’s difficult to not eat something.

You are most likely not making the decision " I am eating now so my body has something to process" more in the line of “I’m hungry. I don’t want to feel hungry, therefore I’m going to eat”

(edit) And you are absolutely able to get yourself sick that way, depending what you eat and how.

I responded to your other comment, but I like this question too. I haven’t been addicted to a substance, but I can firmly say for other things that the answer is “No”. I’m not blacked out, I’m completely present when I’m making this choice, but sometimes there’s a constant justification of “ok I’ll do it this last time and tomorrow is when I’ll resist it.” And you keep doing that. And that voice gets weaker over time to where you just start accepting that this is what you do now. And that often comes with self-loathing and frustration.

Imagine having the worst flu you’ve ever had. It feels like you’re dying. And there is literally only one thing that will help and taking it will instantly cure you.

You’re going to do what you can to get that thing. It’s a difficult urge to fight, especially when it feels like life or death (and in the case of alcohol and benzos, it can be).

Your body dictates that you do things all of the time… You can only hold in your piss and shit for so long before it starts to harm you. You need to eat food. You need oxygen, and cannot hold your breath until you die. Your body has tons of “reflexes” that cause you to do things outside of your control all of the time.

I’ve never experienced addition either, luckily. From what I understand, you become more and more reliant on the substance, to the point where you literally cannot function if you don’t smoke that cigarette. Depression, lack of sleep, constant grumpiness, they’re all withdrawal symptoms for a reason. At the same time, it heavily affects your judgement and decision-making abilities, making it incredibly difficult to resist the urge to light a cigarette.

Now imagine trying to quit. You’re depressed, haven’t slept right in three days, and a cigarette can instantly give you that boost of dopamine you so desperately want and need. Besides, it’s just one cigarette, right? How bad could it hurt? I can’t blame anybody for failing to quit. Quitting an addiction sounds like hell, and I’m glad I’ve never needed to experience it.

Well, that’s the difference. At different points in my life I’ve had varying levels of self-control. You have a higher bar than I do right now for what requires a self-control check.

My username is what it is for a reason. I don’t think being on a site like this improves my health or mentality in any way, yet here I am. I still go on Reddit on a desktop when I’m working almost out of habit, even though I’m kicking myself mentally the whole time I’m scrolling. I wake up, say “30 more minutes” to myself knowing full well that will make me start work later, less prepared, hungry, and unshowered and I’ll have to work later into the night (when I work from home). I watch YouTube until 1 am or later most nights because I don’t want to sleep even though I’m tired and I know it will make my day miserable tomorrow. Dishes are piling up because I say I’ll get to it later.

People have different thresholds for this and at other times in my life I could just shut off many of these urges. Right now, because of my mental health, that ability for self control is near zero. Just think of that push-back you get when you say to yourself you’re going to go for a run and imagine that push-back to be stronger and applied to literally anything that requires effort or mental presence.