I regularly look back on the sex I have had, even with my wife, and wondered, “did I ever do something that would count as rape?” I don’t think I did. I sincerely hope not, of course. I really think I always had consent from my partner when doing anything sexual, but I can’t prove it. And I don’t have contact with enough of them to ask if I really had the courage to ask, which I don’t.

So did I ever force someone to have sex with me? I don’t believe I ever did, but it’s possible. And if I ever did, all I can say to that person, if they ever let me know, is that I am deeply sorry for what I did and I can’t ever make up for it, but I would be willing to try.