Can I Put it in my Ass? - eviltoast

This was a team effort.

  • Technus@lemmy.zip
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    7 months ago

    I’d love to see the reasoning for each element. Most of them are obvious but I’m curious about some of them.

    Are all the gasses dangerous because they’d have to be frozen to a solid? You could use them to pressurize a dildo-shaped envelope, though.

    • Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.comOP
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      7 months ago

      That’s great! because a surprising amount of research was done (way more than anticipated). You will learn some crazy things by studying this. All elements are in solid form at STP so for the gasses that’s in the range of -200 C. Someone suggested doing a version with liquid and gas enemas but you know? I’m just not that dedicated (yet)

      • Technus@lemmy.zip
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        7 months ago

        My first thought was “why is nitrogen dangerous?” but I was thinking about it at room temperature or around 20C.

        I know about decompression sickness (the bends) but I wouldn’t expect that to be a problem at 1 atmosphere. Then I stumbled upon isobaric counterdiffusion and I wondered if that could happen from pumping any pure gas into the rectum at atmospheric pressure, since it’d be at a higher partial pressure than any gas in the tissue.

        • Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.comOP
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          7 months ago

          Yeah I think gasses in the rectum have several severe issues that liquids don’t have. Mostly because liquids don’t exert pressure. Could get pretty in-depth.

        • Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.comOP
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          7 months ago

          I was informed by someone that elemental iodine is actually toxic when not in salt form. Could be true/false?

    • Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.comOP
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      7 months ago

      Here’s some interesting ones that I don’t think anyone’s asked yet so far

      The two CIA ones? Only elements with an unenriched isotope that can reach critical mass (and don’t instantly disappear). You’d need only a few dildos to make a nuclear bomb. The anal probe and CIA disappearing is literal.

      Borat is in this diagram

      Starting with Potassium the Alkalis become basically explosive to water and get progressively more reactive. If you haven’t covered it yet this is because their valence shells get weaker the heavier you go.

      Hydrogen and Helium so far basically cannot exist in solid form at STP in any appreciable amount.

      • Technus@lemmy.zip
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        7 months ago

        IMO, I’d count plutonium in the anal probe category. Enriched or not, it’s gonna raise tons of red flags.

        Buying that much uranium would probably just get your house raided by the FBI. If you told them what you were planning on doing with it, they might find it funny enough not to indict you but they probably wouldn’t let you keep it.

        • Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.comOP
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          7 months ago

          You goin to Guantanamo but almost certainly alive. If you knew how to make quantities of Curium and Calorfinium though… yeah you’re dead or not coming out of a cardboard box.

      • skillissuer@discuss.tchncs.de
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        7 months ago

        calcium, strontium and barium are also pretty reactive with water, and at any rate beyond hydrogen the other product (metal hydroxide) is corrosive