Mad Scientist Ethics Board - eviltoast
  • GraniteM@lemmy.world
    67·
    9 months ago

    You’ve invented a machine that desalinates seawater. It could make the deserts bloom, save millions of lives. But you can’t get funding. So you go to the mad science funding board.

    You attach a puppy shredder to the side of the thing to get in the door. But then they have some questions about the puppy shredder. So you start doing research.

    The puppy shredder is more believable now, at your second presentation, but they have concerns about its efficency. You start increasing its power, adding more infrastructure. All the bones and fur have to go somewhere!

    Third round of mad reviews. They say the puppy shredder doesn’t have wide enough intake port! By God, you’ll show them! You TRIPLE the size of the puppy scoop, add robot arms and a big vacuum cleaner to suck the little sons of bitches up! You need more power! It’s time to switch to nuclear batteries! But where will you get the plutonium?! It’s so damned expensive! The bank in the middle of Silver City just received a delivery of gold bars, direct from Fort Knox! But first there’s those accursed poltroons in the Righteous Brigade to be dealt with! And then you’ll show those pea brains at the mad science funding council! YOU’LL SHOW THEM ALL!!!

    And somewhere in the middle of all this is a desalination miracle machine that could change the world. It just needs that damned funding…

      • FenrirIII@lemmy.world
        2·
        9 months ago

        I hate that you can see him obviously reading his lines offscreen rather than facing the other actors. But it’s still one of my favorite skits

  • grue@lemmy.worldEnglish
    16·
    9 months ago

    Despicable Me did it:

    (Okay so that was a bank funding supervillainy, but same difference.)

  • deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz
    13·
    9 months ago

    That there’s an evil machine attached with no functional purpose related to the primary device is even more evil.

    • FooBarrington@lemmy.world
      6·
      9 months ago

      What’s really evil is: you must use the evil machine to allow use of the non-evil parts.

      Oh, you want your cancer cured? No problem, please insert one puppy and step into the cancer-healing chamber!

  • admiralteal@kbin.social
    61·
    9 months ago

    Surely the unethical funding is coming from the unethical traditional finance system, right?

    You can’t be less ethical than cutthroat shareholder capitalism status quo, I suspect.

  • grendel@lemmy.world
    3·
    9 months ago

    I don’t know their area of research, but I’m already rooting for the puppy shredder machine!