Jesus is chilling with his friends, some call them disciples, but that’s not really fair. They were the only ones who believed in him when times were rough, and he treasures that. They’re having a few beers, a few laughs, enjoying life.
Suddenly a voice calls out though space and time “Jesus, take the wheel” and an eldritch spell summons Jesus to a metal coffin, hurtling down a river made of stone at speeds which shouldn’t even be possible. Jesus can’t even believe what is happening. What the fuck, he screams as he desperately spins the wheel in his hands and flips over into a ditch.
Take Jesus away from the wheel!
Jesus would take the subway.
It’s ok, jesus can just get some guy on the street to deal with the cross for him.
Right? What a lazy bum, couldn’t even carry his own cross through the streets. Pussy.
Too soon!
