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ZeroCool@piefed.ca to The Onion and other satire w/ layers@sh.itjust.worksEnglish · 27 days ago

Cornell Vows That Rapists Will Be Forced To Write Much Longer Essays In The Future

theonion.com

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Cornell Vows That Rapists Will Be Forced To Write Much Longer Essays In The Future

theonion.com

ZeroCool@piefed.ca to The Onion and other satire w/ layers@sh.itjust.worksEnglish · 27 days ago
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ITHACA, NY—Acknowledging serious missteps in their handling of a 2024 campus sexual assault case, administrators at Cornell University vowed Tuesday that, going forward, rapists would be forced to write much longer essays as punishment for their behavior. “Upon reviewing the disciplinary action we took toward the seven Chi Phi brothers who allegedly gang-raped a student […]
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  • ptsdstillinmymind@lemmy.today
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    27 days ago

    • Avicenna@programming.dev
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      27 days ago

      They should put these posters up in Cornell for the next four years and psychologically bully these kids fuckers out of school.

    • decolo@piefed.social
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      27 days ago

      I know I’m probably imagining it, but each one of them has empty serial-killer eyes, I wonder when the pictures were taken

      • zarkanian@sh.itjust.works
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        26 days ago

        Naw, they all just look like normal dudes. That’s what makes it so disturbing.

      • All Ice In Chains@lemmy.ml
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        27 days ago

        Ingalls and Kretszchmar for sure, harder to tell in the others

        • decolo@piefed.social
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          27 days ago

          altr

          altr

          altr

          altr

          altr

          altr

          altr

          • All Ice In Chains@lemmy.ml
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            26 days ago

            Oof, maybe Lopes and Newell as well

      • Malica@lemmy.zip
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        26 days ago

        I call it rape face and so far I’ve been right about every one of them

    • decolo@piefed.social
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      27 days ago

      We need a poster with names of all school admin who ran cover.

  • bitteroldcoot@piefed.social
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    27 days ago

    But that the essays will be allowed to be AI generated. So as not to put to much strain on the poor oppressed frat bros.

  • Avicenna@programming.dev
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    27 days ago

    You know what the sad reality of the situation is? I initially thought this was real news. Has been happening so often with onion in the last five years.

  • Sailor Anarres@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    27 days ago

    This is the reform we were calling for right?

  • Hanrahan@slrpnk.net
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    27 days ago

    These guys were convicted right ? Not just accused ?

    • Avicenna@programming.dev
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      27 days ago

      Don’t worry their rich parents will ensure they get a slap on the wrist, but hey “boys will be boys” right?

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