Don’t do this. If someone makes it clear they’re not OK with something and you immediately do it, that’s rapist shit.
It creates a culture where people feel hesitant to call stuff out because of the fear they’ll get immediately bullied for it.
EDIT: 42 downvotes YIKES rape culture is out of control!! Maybe I need to look into deanonymizing votes so I can clear house, because that is beyond unacceptable.
Skipped straight to the “you’re a rapist for making this joke”, huh?
Maybe you can just like block me and move on with your life? It’s not like I’m going to remove this meme just because you think it’s making fun of trauma, and you’re not going to get me to repent my evil ways either. Or do you want to lecture me some more, maybe call me a rapist again?
I didn’t read that as “you are a rapist”, I read that as “this is the same kind of non-empathetic and hostileness that rapists display” and implied “do better”
So I get why you feel attacked but it’s a legit criticism
Not sure that’s much better. Did I handle that tactfully? No. Is that grounds for comparing me to a rapist? Also no.
I just really don’t have much patience with people who assume that it’s everybody’s responsibility to shield them from things they somehow find either offensive, traumatizing, or making fun of their trauma. While I’m not unsympathetic to trauma or completely unwilling to accommodate it at all, if we clean the meme community of everything that someone finds somehow either offensive or triggering, there won’t be much left here – considering how much you have to reach to say this meme is somehow grievously making fun of trauma or even related to trauma, the bar for removing “offensive” content isn’t going to be high.
So, tl;dr, just about anything can be offensive or triggering to someone, so where on earth do we draw the line? Again, I’m not unsympathetic, but is it not a bit ridiculous to come barging in with the apparent assumption that something as inoffensive as this meme be either removed or that they get some sort of apology for it or whatever their end goal was in their mind?
Edit: just to drive the point home because I’m irritated, but despite what could be assumed based on my twattery in some comments, I’m a fairly sensitive person. There’s a bunch of subjects that I’m very sensitive about, but I’m not going to go around telling people that their post about $SUBJECT_MATTER is offensive to me; my sensitivities aren’t anybody else’s problem, they’re my problem (well, mine and my therapist’s). And this doesn’t mean I’d eg. shut up about seeing blatant racism or whatever, but things I figure aren’t going to be more widely offensive or “touchy”.
While I’m not unsympathetic to trauma or completely unwilling to accommodate it at all, if we clean the meme community of everything that someone finds somehow either offensive or triggering, there won’t be much left here
So, tl;dr, just about anything can be offensive or triggering to someone, so where on earth do we draw the line?
I didn’t find the post to be particularly funny, nor triggering, but the responses to someone complaining by doubling down on the exact thing they just complained about is very telling about the culture you’re cultivating on beehaw.
If you had read carefully the beehaw.org TOS, you’d know there’s a fine-print clause that nominates you, personally, as the ambassador of all of its communities; everyone else is contractually obligated to upvote comments on your posts where you make fun of… uh, people who have had sex education or poor English speechcraft idk.
I can 100% understand where you’re coming from. It’s okay if you don’t feel comfortable with this kind of humor.
I’m not going to touch on what topics or humor are appropriate in what places, that’s a big conversation with very few black and white answers. Please just keep in mind that some of us use dark humor as a way of coping, of reducing the emotional strain by making light of our trauma in a safe way, or by using humor to generate empathy in others who might not have experienced the same trauma. Humor doesn’t have to tear things down, it can bring people together. I also don’t want to touch on the “rapist shit” comment, so… I won’t.
To anyone else reading, please try to be a bit more understanding when people politely ask you to chill. It’s usually not their business, especially in public, but please don’t immediately get defensive. I have the right to walk down the street screaming at people, as an extreme example, but no one would defend me if I was doing that and someone else asked me to stop. Most people are automatically aware of unwritten social norms and stuff, this is just part of that compromise we work with every day. Sometimes, you should ignore the person asking you to tone it down. Sometimes, you should tone it down.
I usually don’t subscribe to the “everyone is right” BS, but I think it’s true here. There’s no bad person in this, just a difference of how people process things.
Heh, you can tell that you’re trying to talk with a reasonable person when the response to your fairly diplomatic comment was to compare you to pedophiles defending Nazi war criminals.
But in any case, I do agree with you that I absolutely could have handled the original response much better by not being an outright smartass twat, but I’m honestly not too sure the outcome would have been any better considering this frankly incredible tantrum going on about rape culture being out of control and calling people who are trying to defuse the situation pedophiles.
I was having a bit of a crummy day and felt like being snarky, but this… whatever this is that’s going on is just something else entirely.
I just now came back to this thread and started reading. I was avoiding it, because honestly it was intimidating when I suddenly had a bunch of replies about something I knew might be controversial.
I don’t know what you’re talking about with Nazis and shit, but I guess I’m about to find out…
I did specifically say that yes, being a snarky asshole was stupid of me and I could have not been one in my initial answer. So, yes, I was an asshole and that’s not something I or anybody else should be doing. That’s not defensiveness, that’s me saying I screwed up.
But can you honestly tell me that you think it’s sensible behavior from this other person to compare a completely random onlooker who’s trying to defuse this scene to a pedophile defending Nazi war criminals? Like, does that strike you as a good way for someone to handle it when there’s a conflict and someone from the outside tries to be diplomatic and calm things down?
I also really don’t understand what you’re trying to accomplish with these replies. Just popping up replying to my comments with petty insults doesn’t seem to paint you in a light that’s any better than my initial twattery towards the original commenter. If you want to actually say something, take a moment and formulate your thoughts? Because this… whatever it is you’re doing really isn’t any better than my original snark, so if you agree with the original commenter than I should have done better (and frankly I agree with them on that point at least), maybe don’t take your turn at being an antagonistic asshole just because you feel like venting – the way I did?
But can you honestly tell me that you think it’s sensible behavior from this other person to compare a completely random onlooker who’s trying to defuse this scene to a pedophile defending Nazi war criminals?
I’ve resigned myself to the fact that there’s just s lot of places on lemmy where “dark humor” and CSAM reign supreme, can’t say I blame others for having a stronger response.
Right, and is being on mobile a good reason for you to keep this snark going? It seems like you’d rather just choose to be pissed at me or something and continue this ribbing instead of, well, any other option.
If you think that being an asshole is generally not a good thing and that I was wrong to do it, why do you figure you’re justified in acting like this?
I’m just now catching up on this thread. I honestly don’t understand what you’re talking about. Nazis are bad. War criminals are bad. Sexual assault is bad, and perpetrators are 100% in the wrong, now and forever. Some things are very clear, and some things are nuanced. That’s just life.
Morality isn’t a free-for-all, and I don’t think anything I said would have suggested otherwise.
The reason nuance is important, is because we get actually get Nazis and shit if we make everything an absolute. I’m not advocating for anything goes, I’m saying that some things are complicated and simple answers don’t always work. How people use humor is one of those things that can be complicated. I know dark humor definitely helps me cope with and overcome my trauma when I’m in a dark place. It also helps me bond a little bit when I meet someone else will so uses dark humor. It’s okay if that’s not the same for you. People are different.
I’m not angry or trying to be mean or talk down or anything like that. I also don’t automatically think you’re a bad person, even though I feel like that insult was uncalled for. And I know some of the other people browsing here were kind of assholes, so, I’m sorry about them.
Anyway we don’t need to continue talking about this if you don’t want to. The entire thing is kind of stressful for me, so I might not check my messages for a few days anyway. If you do want to talk more, I’m open to that. But if you’re just going to be rude, I’ll probably not respond.
You don’t get to control the speech of everyone around you just because you personally have a problem with something. You can ask politely, but your control over other people starts and ends there.
It’s a little bit funny. Sorry about your caveman sex education trauma, though
Don’t do this. If someone makes it clear they’re not OK with something and you immediately do it, that’s rapist shit.
It creates a culture where people feel hesitant to call stuff out because of the fear they’ll get immediately bullied for it.
EDIT: 42 downvotes YIKES rape culture is out of control!! Maybe I need to look into deanonymizing votes so I can clear house, because that is beyond unacceptable.
Skipped straight to the “you’re a rapist for making this joke”, huh?
Maybe you can just like block me and move on with your life? It’s not like I’m going to remove this meme just because you think it’s making fun of trauma, and you’re not going to get me to repent my evil ways either. Or do you want to lecture me some more, maybe call me a rapist again?
This is really insulting to me as a cavemen sex educator. Do you know how hard it is to explain complex concepts in cavemen speech?!
/s
*gasp* thousands of apologies my dear Grug! I will immediately remove this meme and rub nettles on my crotch as punishment
Edit: I lied about one of those things I promised to do
Pics or the nettles didn’t happen
That’ll be 25€, thanks
when the meme itself is funny and the comments even fucking better XD
I didn’t read that as “you are a rapist”, I read that as “this is the same kind of non-empathetic and hostileness that rapists display” and implied “do better”
So I get why you feel attacked but it’s a legit criticism
Not sure that’s much better. Did I handle that tactfully? No. Is that grounds for comparing me to a rapist? Also no.
I just really don’t have much patience with people who assume that it’s everybody’s responsibility to shield them from things they somehow find either offensive, traumatizing, or making fun of their trauma. While I’m not unsympathetic to trauma or completely unwilling to accommodate it at all, if we clean the meme community of everything that someone finds somehow either offensive or triggering, there won’t be much left here – considering how much you have to reach to say this meme is somehow grievously making fun of trauma or even related to trauma, the bar for removing “offensive” content isn’t going to be high.
So, tl;dr, just about anything can be offensive or triggering to someone, so where on earth do we draw the line? Again, I’m not unsympathetic, but is it not a bit ridiculous to come barging in with the apparent assumption that something as inoffensive as this meme be either removed or that they get some sort of apology for it or whatever their end goal was in their mind?
Edit: just to drive the point home because I’m irritated, but despite what could be assumed based on my twattery in some comments, I’m a fairly sensitive person. There’s a bunch of subjects that I’m very sensitive about, but I’m not going to go around telling people that their post about
$SUBJECT_MATTERis offensive to me; my sensitivities aren’t anybody else’s problem, they’re my problem (well, mine and my therapist’s). And this doesn’t mean I’d eg. shut up about seeing blatant racism or whatever, but things I figure aren’t going to be more widely offensive or “touchy”.I didn’t find the post to be particularly funny, nor triggering, but the responses to someone complaining by doubling down on the exact thing they just complained about is very telling about the culture you’re cultivating on beehaw.
Why on earth would you assume it’s a beehaw thing and not a me thing?
If you had read carefully the beehaw.org TOS, you’d know there’s a fine-print clause that nominates you, personally, as the ambassador of all of its communities; everyone else is contractually obligated to upvote comments on your posts where you make fun of… uh, people who have had sex education or poor English speechcraft idk.
I swear this post brought out some really fucking uptight and weird people
The upvote ratio was what made me think that
I… see? Any other fun conclusions you want to jump to based on hilarious “data”?
Hey there stranger.
I can 100% understand where you’re coming from. It’s okay if you don’t feel comfortable with this kind of humor.
I’m not going to touch on what topics or humor are appropriate in what places, that’s a big conversation with very few black and white answers. Please just keep in mind that some of us use dark humor as a way of coping, of reducing the emotional strain by making light of our trauma in a safe way, or by using humor to generate empathy in others who might not have experienced the same trauma. Humor doesn’t have to tear things down, it can bring people together. I also don’t want to touch on the “rapist shit” comment, so… I won’t.
To anyone else reading, please try to be a bit more understanding when people politely ask you to chill. It’s usually not their business, especially in public, but please don’t immediately get defensive. I have the right to walk down the street screaming at people, as an extreme example, but no one would defend me if I was doing that and someone else asked me to stop. Most people are automatically aware of unwritten social norms and stuff, this is just part of that compromise we work with every day. Sometimes, you should ignore the person asking you to tone it down. Sometimes, you should tone it down.
I usually don’t subscribe to the “everyone is right” BS, but I think it’s true here. There’s no bad person in this, just a difference of how people process things.
Heh, you can tell that you’re trying to talk with a reasonable person when the response to your fairly diplomatic comment was to compare you to pedophiles defending Nazi war criminals.
But in any case, I do agree with you that I absolutely could have handled the original response much better by not being an outright smartass twat, but I’m honestly not too sure the outcome would have been any better considering this frankly incredible tantrum going on about rape culture being out of control and calling people who are trying to defuse the situation pedophiles.
I was having a bit of a crummy day and felt like being snarky, but this… whatever this is that’s going on is just something else entirely.
I just now came back to this thread and started reading. I was avoiding it, because honestly it was intimidating when I suddenly had a bunch of replies about something I knew might be controversial.
I don’t know what you’re talking about with Nazis and shit, but I guess I’m about to find out…
Maybe try being less defensive?
I did specifically say that yes, being a snarky asshole was stupid of me and I could have not been one in my initial answer. So, yes, I was an asshole and that’s not something I or anybody else should be doing. That’s not defensiveness, that’s me saying I screwed up.
But can you honestly tell me that you think it’s sensible behavior from this other person to compare a completely random onlooker who’s trying to defuse this scene to a pedophile defending Nazi war criminals? Like, does that strike you as a good way for someone to handle it when there’s a conflict and someone from the outside tries to be diplomatic and calm things down?
I also really don’t understand what you’re trying to accomplish with these replies. Just popping up replying to my comments with petty insults doesn’t seem to paint you in a light that’s any better than my initial twattery towards the original commenter. If you want to actually say something, take a moment and formulate your thoughts? Because this… whatever it is you’re doing really isn’t any better than my original snark, so if you agree with the original commenter than I should have done better (and frankly I agree with them on that point at least), maybe don’t take your turn at being an antagonistic asshole just because you feel like venting – the way I did?
I wasn’t aware there was a limit on the number of posts we were allowed.
I’ve resigned myself to the fact that there’s just s lot of places on lemmy where “dark humor” and CSAM reign supreme, can’t say I blame others for having a stronger response.
Just using the website, and when I’m on mobile I’m not going to type a multi paragraph essay to say one thing.
Right, and is being on mobile a good reason for you to keep this snark going? It seems like you’d rather just choose to be pissed at me or something and continue this ribbing instead of, well, any other option.
If you think that being an asshole is generally not a good thing and that I was wrong to do it, why do you figure you’re justified in acting like this?
Part of the core function of the website is to post, if you’re tired of my shit stop responding
Nuance nonces on their way to defend nazi war criminals
I’m just now catching up on this thread. I honestly don’t understand what you’re talking about. Nazis are bad. War criminals are bad. Sexual assault is bad, and perpetrators are 100% in the wrong, now and forever. Some things are very clear, and some things are nuanced. That’s just life.
Morality isn’t a free-for-all, and I don’t think anything I said would have suggested otherwise.
The reason nuance is important, is because we get actually get Nazis and shit if we make everything an absolute. I’m not advocating for anything goes, I’m saying that some things are complicated and simple answers don’t always work. How people use humor is one of those things that can be complicated. I know dark humor definitely helps me cope with and overcome my trauma when I’m in a dark place. It also helps me bond a little bit when I meet someone else will so uses dark humor. It’s okay if that’s not the same for you. People are different.
I’m not angry or trying to be mean or talk down or anything like that. I also don’t automatically think you’re a bad person, even though I feel like that insult was uncalled for. And I know some of the other people browsing here were kind of assholes, so, I’m sorry about them.
Anyway we don’t need to continue talking about this if you don’t want to. The entire thing is kind of stressful for me, so I might not check my messages for a few days anyway. If you do want to talk more, I’m open to that. But if you’re just going to be rude, I’ll probably not respond.
You don’t get to control the speech of everyone around you just because you personally have a problem with something. You can ask politely, but your control over other people starts and ends there.
Yep this comment sums up with libertarianism stands for.
“Oh no, downvoting me is rape culture, better start figuring out who they are so I can clean house.”
lol the hell does that even mean? You sound like you’re planning on murdering people for downvoting you
Yeah this bad vibes, how dare you push back on the least funny ‘meme’ I’ve seen all year