How crucial texting is to modern dating - eviltoast

I am 23 and I am currently in the dating scene. I’ve had no success and I’ve had the fourth person lose all interest in between setting up the date and the long wait between the date. It typically goes match on dating site, set up date, try to get to know each other over snap and then interest lost. I do tend to respond quickly but it’s not like I am constantly spamming or shit like that. I am just tired. It’s such a dumb minor thing but it seems to be destroying my chances. I am on the autism spectrum and I find texting and shit like that extremely stressful. I know no one is actually going to like past that. Divergence is punished must stick to strict social rules around dating fuck being my actual self I guess.

  • Hyperreality@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    The idea isn’t to pretend to be something you’re not. Don’t do that.

    The idea is that you do an activity you find interesting, that way you’re not wasting your time, and prospective partners get to know what you’re like from watching you or talking to you. From what I gather, a lot of the texting in modern dating, is because they don’t know what you’re actually like as a person. You might be a serial killer, 40 years older than your picture, or raving lunatic.

    So for example, instead of using tinder, you go on a language course because that’s something you’ve always wanted to learn. You learn a language, someone in the course finds you attractive, they observe you interacting with others, you’re a bit different, but otherwise friendly and/or harmless. They talk to you during the course about something they’re not actually interested in, say homework. You get to interact a bit, without it being a date, and see if there’s chemistry. Perhaps one night you walk them to the bus or stay to clean up. Once again, not an actual date. Just getting to know if you’re relatively safe.

    Worst case scenario, you learnt a language, did something you enjoyed. You didn’t waste too much time. With a bit of luck, you make a few friends/acquaintances and practice your social skills a bit. And if you’re lucky, there is chemistry, and you don’t need to do the weird post tinder match text convo. You already know each other a bit, they know you don’t like texting (or that you’re too busy) and you’re not trying to hide the fact you have a wife, so the first real date is far less awkward.