I live in a small city and I feel like I can't go out anymore because my ex wife will be there and it always ruins my night/week - eviltoast

30 year old male, divorced last year after 9 years. Got dumped because I drink too much apparently. She was supposed to move back to her home country but ended up staying in this city.

I’m a member of the music scene and so is she so all my friends are her friends. So naturally because I’m not the pretty one, she gets all sympathy and I’m now a lonely motherfucker rejected by a lot of people I once called friends.

She hooked up with a dude who is an actual drug addict and last night. While trying to watch the band, they’re making out like 5ft behind me. I shouldnt care because these people are quite literally losers compared to me but I guess I’m jealous someone cares about her and nobody cares about me.

When I went home last night alone I actually thought about ending things. I don’t really know what to do going forwards. Do I just end my hobby of music because I can’t deal with my jealousy? Every gig she is there and she’s got a line of guys wanting to be with her while I’m left to rot alone.

Should I sell my house and quit my job and move? That’s what I was up all night pondering. I feel as if this place is too small for the both of us, and she won.

  • David_Eight@lemmy.worldEnglish
    29·
    2 days ago
    1. You’re not over her, at least not 100% which is normal. Just because you don’t want her back doesn’t mean the situation you discribed wouldn’t bother you. You don’t have to act tough for us, where all literally anonymous strangers that will never meet lol
    2. Work on your health, you’ll feel better. Drink some water, stop drinking alcohol for a few month, start exercising, get some sleep. Do it for yourself, you owe it to future you.
    3. Just avoid her for now, get some new hobbies. The whole music thing will still be there when you decide to get back to it down the line.
    4. If you think it’s necessary to move to a new city for your mental health or will help in some way. Yeah, maybe. If you like your job and like where you live then stay.
    • rabber@lemmy.caOPEnglish
      6·
      2 days ago

      Thanks for the words man. Interesting you point out I’m acting tough - I thought I was being quite vulnerable haha

      • RedAggroBest@lemmy.worldEnglish
        17·
        1 day ago

        I wanna reiterate some points from the person you’re replying to, especially around the alcohol. It’s a really sneaky habit that will have you saying “I don’t drink that much!” As your alcohol consumption slowly exceeds the norm before pushing beyond right into extreme territory. Cut out alcohol for a while and take a mental note of every time you would’ve been drinking and maybe you’ll find that even if you aren’t an alcoholic by definition, you might be far closer than you’d like to be.

        On top of that, drinking just isn’t good for bad mental health episodes in the first place.

        Side note: I agree you’re not over the relationship, even if you are over her. Therapy is numero uno for this one.