@shinigamiookamiryuu - eviltoast

Call me Lenny/Leni

It’s nice to meet all you. I am she/her, can speak Toki Pona and English (non-natively), and locatable on Reddit as MozartWasARed. The links at https://discord.gg/sEuSSDz6TQ and https://www.deviantart.com/triagonal/art/My-copyright-policy-and-the-impact-it-extends-into-906668443 are pertinent to me.

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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: June 30th, 2023

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  • Same. I am what many would class as selectively mute (something which for some reason people think is difficult to take one’s word for), based on the inability to calculate things to say in a conversation (which also goes with trying to vocally/verbally train myself) but also based on anxiety, and even in school, people would look and think “oh she must be an introvert” which greatly reduced my ability to make friends.


  • One of my two best friends has autism (closer to the classic kind) and his resistance is impressive. One day he got poison ivy after having run through a whole patch of it in sandals, and everyone wanted to get him treated, but he was like “nah I got this”. Looking at him, you’d think maybe it was fake poison ivy, as he made it seem like there was no pain or itchiness whatsoever despite his legs looking like raspberries. After a few weeks, it went away completely on its own.

    I’m always surprised to see people assume things when it comes to health; that’s one of the last areas of expertise one should be assuming things in. I have a few medical conditions and they’re all things people say they have a hard time believing, even though it’s not saying much when even asexuality is met with skeptical reactions.










  • As testy as this may sound, sadly it seems everything is chalked up to a “cluster B personality disorder”. Maybe this is my sheltered upbringing showing, but this comes off as alien to someone who just treats people based on their character/deeds and assesses interpersonal issues individually as they come on a basis of consistency, not as a part of a larger whole about an individual’s inner mechanisms. I would not abandon the good intentioned, if you ever would like someone to talk to, no matter where you want to do it.



  • You don’t think I apologized? I did, feeling guilty and being encouraged to manifest that in the form of an apology by others I spoke to (as there are different ways to manifest guilt), and the person I apologized to forgave me, out of their own free will, and we have been friends for two years ever since, with no notable conflicts with each other. It was some of the onlookers who said it was invalid, as if they had anymore authority to decide that, and it’s outright resorting to lying now to say I never apologized. Imagine if the apology was formed according to their vision of how it should look, and the person I was apologizing to was the one who didn’t accept it. My friend matters to me, all of him and his alters, and I’d defend him to the death against a hostile mob, and it’s not like I don’t think of that when questioned en masse about him.

    I see how others approach things and am ready to chalk it up to a “they think differently from me” type of matter, so it’s disturbing in a way to see they in turn see so much as how someone phrases their issues (which in my case is cultural, neurodivergent, and a matter of trying to include every point) and decide to chalk their differences up to “she has a disorder” type of matter. Hypothetically, if you ask me, if there was any situation where someone with a distorted mind who believed in their ideas was in a kerfuffle with a non-distorted individual (or more than one such individual) who believed the ends justified the means, easily I’d side against the latter, especially after instances like in the original message which challenges the idea that appeal to emotion or appeal to the masses can point to a good argument (for example, people bring up “empathy” as if we’re supposed to depend on it for everything). Some undertones are just ethical, and nobody can fully make the case someone is “overjustifying” if nobody will even interview both sides.