Good, dont need yall going anywhere ❤️

Yall got covid too!? Nooo that sucks im sorry that happened to you all 😭😭

Still cute as ever ❤️

Aagghh i love you your so gorgeous omg 😍

I feel you tho, the knees together thing is something im developing. My theory is walking more girly naturally puts your legs (thighs ideally) together more but like… there might be stuff in the way… that makes it hard to walk thighs close without the knees even closer

Anyway, you look incredible, i would let posture worry you too much. We all seem to have bad posture 😂❤️

Try a lip liner, draw the outline of your lips and then fill in with a lipstick

I prefer lip stain myself, much longer lasting. You just wait for it to dry a bit then get the excess off. I prefer to use a piece of paper in between lips and clamp down and up, that gets rid of excess handily

Once you nail filling your natural lips in, you can go/learn a step further and use the lipliner to overfill your lips a tad. Not too much, itll look bad, but just enough to make your lips a bit bigger and pop more

But youre looking great already, second attempt is miles better than my second attempt ❤️❤️

Edit: also lip plumper before lipstick/stain works wonders for making your lips a bit bigger as well

The depression for sure!

The anxiety is still there, just anxious about different things

I could see that being a (unlikely) case, just seems super fucked considering the context.

A better way would be to include “support after suspension” or “counseling” or something like that insteaf of just hey heres the number in case you wanna die. Idk

Damn dropped the suicide hotline in the suspension email!? That went from fucked up and cold, to just inexcusable and brutal. Wow

Unfortunately it gets worse before it quite suddenly gets much better, forever

The pain in your body means your alive ❤️❤️

I HAVE to go to one of these soon ❤️

Thanks nikki, youre the best ❤️

Hmm, maybe i need to switch back to convetional razors. Been using a safety razor but im still not at a place i like. Also cold shaving is the absolute worst, the longer i can soak the hair in warm or hot water the softer the hair turns.

Also have religiously followed your salicylic acid tip, that helped quite a bit. ❤️

Basically my problem is i can get smooth as fuck, like dont even feel a hint of stubble smooth, but i can still see it, through whatever makeup i use. Maybe i cant conceal it well enough in my skin tone? Maybe its growing up in the wrong body. Maybe i need to go back to full face makeup

Geez im so lost lmaooo

Dont you lie to me!

Lol, for real thats so cool, im happy for you! I feel like even with getting better at shaving and coverup i still can see it so clearly. Might just be me tho cause its mine? Idk, would love to see your process sometimes. Cant lie and say i dont get a bit jealous sometimes, youre clearly doing something right lol ❤️❤️

Pleasssseee do a video ill be the first view ❤️❤️

Honestly been pretty down in the dumps lately. I went to an old friends funeral this month, after he died by his own hand, and it was fucking tragic.

Just this weekend i learned that my old (falling out) best friend died too, by “stabbing himself and getting tazed by police”. And i dont know how to feel about it. On one hand i know he would have been one of the meanest people that find out about my transition. On the other hand i have so many memories with him that arent blocked off by other childhood traumas.

This summer honestly fucking sucked. Partner and i have been taking a break from eachother, 11 yrs will do that to ya. So i havent seen my kid nearly as much as usual for the summer, cause its usually everyday. I miss being the stay at home mom. I miss my kids.

And on top of everything else the question myself thoughts are strong lately. Like “am i fucking my life up?” “Am i really trans?” “am i going to hate myself even more?” Im coming up on half a year HRT and im still fucking sitting here wondering if i really am like this. Ive started growing a chest, honestly is not helping in those moments. But it helps during euphoria, so its a mixed bag.

I look like a girl(sometimes), i smell like a girl, i feel like a girl. So why is it still hard? Why are the depression and feelings coming back stronger, instead of abating finally? When will i fucking feel like i can use the fucking restroom in public?? When tf will i be able to swim in a fucking swimsuit instead of shorts and a tshirt?

This summer was supposed to be so freeing, but it turned into an emotional prison. Ive really tried staying connected here, and connecting with irl people who accept me. But i also get the curse of social phobia, my social battery is teeny tiny. Its gotten larger since transition, but its even harder to maintain. But if im not doing something, seeing someone, living life, then im stuck in my own head with feelings and thoughts that just make me want to die.

My therapist helps. But only so much, theres only so much affirmations from therapy can do when i cant remember half my life. And next appt isnt for 3 weeks.

I want to go further in the times of euphoria, like laser and stuff. But with everything piling on i havent been able to make the time. Everything in my life with my partner is more important than that. Its kills me, knowing im stagnating again on something i want. In the good times, ive never felt so happy. In the bad times, exact opposite.

Who knows if theres more wrong with me waiting to be found? I sure as hell dont. My therapist doesnt, my doctor doesnt either. How tf am i supposed to figure it all out?

I KNOW i never want to dress in gross baggy boy pants or jeans and a button up or whatever, or a fucking suit. It disgusts me actually. But then the feelings dont make sense, and are just fucking confusing. Like, what the fuck does my brain expect me to wear or conform as?

How much longer is it all going to take? Idk, i guess im committed now. Im here for the ride, no matter what. I dont want to leave this existence, but i wish it was a little god damn easier

Idk, im writing this as a vent of a kind. Just screams into the void. I dont expect replies.

Brooke is depressed… 😭😭

Ive been feeling pretty down lately but since you said stay positive ima try ❤️

Nikki must be blessed with the finest, most skin tone colored, softest facial hair imaginable

I must know how much of her soul it cost in the deal with the devil 😂

She mustve provided a sacrifice to the makeup gods or something 😂

Omg so cute and precious i must protect with my life 😍❤️

The cat isnt bad either 😅

Ofcourse you do, you turned hot 😍❤️