FnordPrefect [comrade/them, he/him]

“Calm down! That’s his leg…”

“Irradiate the Roads? You don’t actually believe this do you?”

“Eh, gotta irradiate something!”

I can’t be the only one who sees this as: “Don’t listen to this nerd! Also, don’t you want to check your phone?”

“And, obviously, price is the SOLE mechanism we have to limit purchases. I mean, sure, we could simply not allow one dude to back up a dumptruck to push 10,000 rolls of toilet paper into-”

*crowd interrupts with cheers*

"But-BUT that would be Un-American and communist! And my father died fighting those commies!

“So that will be $65 a roll if you want to wipe your ass”

Plasticizers are chemical compounds that make materials more flexible. “No matter who you are, or where you are, your daily level of exposure to these plasticizer chemicals is high and persistent,” Volz said. “They are ubiquitous.”

Well, at least all the microplastics invading my brain are staying nice and flexible…

“That’s right! It’s going well…”

“Sure it is. It’s just the coming back that’s causing trouble!”

Nominative determinism strikes again!

Meanwhile the Dems are whining and flailing because China has too many solar panels and EVs

“Sure appreciate that the government functions just well enough to make it illegal for it to function at all…”

“Sure thing bro!”

This has the same vibe as Homer’s re-interview with the Germans

“You’ve been Shadow Chancellor for 3 years. What initiatives have you spearheaded in that time?”

“Uh, all of them?..”

“I see…then you must have some good ideas for the future as well?”

“I sure do!”

“…”

“Such as?”

“Well, uh, I wish the workers wouldn’t be so whiny about us taking all their money…Because, a lot of capitalists really like money…”

Ohh, so that’s the deal with airline food

“NYT stands by its reporting etc.”

“Paper of record doesn’t care you caught them lying to promote genocide, and neither do we”

The US army has been training these militants inside Al-Tanf under the pretext of confronting ISIS.

“Look, just put these two letter patches after your name and we’ll fund you instead of fight you. Deal?”

One month later

“We’re pleased to announce the eradication of ISIS with the heroic deeds of our forces in the area: ISISN’T”

I appreciate that they took the time to find the perfect embodiment of guilty giggles to try to sell their BS. Like, every time I see this guy it feels like a sketch of “What if The Joker got a job at the State Dept.”

“If we stop testing right now, we’d have very few [concerns], if any.”

“This isn’t really our fault. Our “missing” money spreadsheets were in trillions and only configured for 2 decimal spaces, so another billion more or less gets lost all the time!”

Y’know…if a country can be completely erased by a woman wearing a shirt with a picture of fruit on it, perhaps that country lacks legitimacy?

Maybe by “Maverick side” they mean like Tom Cruise in Top Gun: really enthusiastic about guns and missiles, and just fighting imperialist wars in general?