Vance works for me

Speak for yourself. My JO crystal is so supercharged I can levitate up to 6 cm from the ground and yell louder than a police siren.

I have won several fights by blinding my opponent with the flash of the JO crystal as I crank my hog with one hand and swing my crystal with the other.

My seed has become so powerful, I’m banned from donating semen in 17 countries, including Papua New Guinea and the Pharoe Island.

I have channeled the unholy energies from my magnetic wristbands and wooden bracelets to erect a dark labyrinth to contain me so I won’t accidentally break reality apart when I crank my hawg too hard.

Do not underestimate the power of crystals.

Man, Dutch is such a fucked up language.

I don’t even speak it, but I understand like 80% of it if I just imagine the speaker is a drunk Dane trying to speak English.

Putting Hamster Exploder Operator on my CV.

Huh, TIL I can smell ants too.

I used to live in a basement that had regular cycles of ant infestations. I would know they had returned, because the room had started to smell a certain way. Kind of like, damp slightly sweaty skin, but also kind of woody?

Every time I smelt it, I’d always find fresh ant eggs along the wall in the room.

But how many balls does it have?

What if cancer could be cured by turning the patient into a dinosaur?

Ever heard of a dino with cancer?

If it glows, it goes. (Up my ass)

I’m currently using revanced to browse YouTube on my phone. No ads and it automatically skips over promotional parts in videos.

And some will blast your brain into the 4th dimension and make you almost enjoy Tool albums.

• I never wash my rice

• i use the high power water setting on my shower head as a bidet

• i throw rocks behind me to distract people so i can adjust my balls while they’re not looking

“Has the economy gone woke?”

Unquestionable support for DPRK and its heroic struggle, but I wonder how Best Korea will handle taking over a country where Mccarthyism never ended.

Take the Russian war for example: the regions the Russians are going to annex will be easy for the locals to adjust to, since east Ukrainians are generally more russian-leaning than their westaboo nazis worshippers in Western Ukraine.

South Koreans are force-fed scaremongering propaganda about communism and their northern brothers from birth.

DPRK can absolutely take over SK, but the real challenge for them will be in actually holding the territory of a people who’s trained from birth to fear and hate the DPRK.

Tired of playing supertuxcart.

Pendejo Time.

Jake, a recovering cokehead, trauma dumps about his time as a drug addicted fuck up and his dead father while his friend Thomas grunts out his fever fantasies about talking animals while googling different types of dicks.

Scratches the same itch as cumtown.

Man, I thought my dried magic mushrooms would be ruined after sitting in my shed for three years.

I made a lemon tek shot with around 3.5 grams of the shrooms and held my nose while drinking the nasty sludge. I love mushrooms, but god damn i hate the taste.

I plopped down in the bed, turned off the lights and put on some music while waiting to see if anything would happen.

For the first ten minutes, all i could feel was a tingling sensation in my teeth and I bounce my feet to the music.

Then, suddenly, my vision got filled with millions of brightly colored ribbons of light that exploded like fireworks in my head and formed immense landscapes of sparkling rays of color that created constantly changing patterns that danced and changed with the music.

I lost myself entirely and became a being of pure light and merged with the eternal waves of dancing lights and ribbons.

Everything that made up me disappeared and I was one with the beautiful cosmic explosions of pure color. No worries, no cares, just vibing with the infinite universe and drifting around endless worlds filled with bright, dancing colors.

As the trip faded, I fell asleep for 14 hours and woke up at 18:00, cooked some food and wondering how much I’ve fucked up my sleep schedule now.

10/10. It was an awesome experience.

But he was sooo cool

Slayers, the anime. I thought emulating Zelgadis and acting all quiet and mysterious would make me look cool and get me a lot of friends.

It didn’t ;_;

I’m currently reading it. I can see why so many people just leave it in the bookshelf.

It’s not a bad book, but God damn does it feel like running a marathon.

Comrade Ronald McDonald is about to save my fat ass from WW3