Want to start dating but it'll probably hurt my best friend who I'm not romantically interested in. - eviltoast

Gotta keep it vague for privacy but the key details should be enough. We first met through a dating app. It didn’t work out. We remained friends. Became best friends. They fell on terribly hard times. They moved in with me. Sleeping on the couch was not good for the long term. We now share a bed, and eventually went halvesies on a new bigger one. We became very close over the past few years. I love my best friend. Sometimes do non intercourse sexish things but have no interest in a relationship. Hard times are likely to continue due to external problems that despite our best efforts, will not likely go away. I’d never kick them out, it would be on the level of hurting a puppy. What kind of monster would do that? I have been wanting a relationship but it would be awkward to have to explain all this to any new partners. I can’t even imagine how my friend would take it. I wouldn’t want to sacrifice our relationship just so I can start dating again. A room in the apartment is vacant now and they could move into that one but I dread broaching the topic to them. I don’t know how they’re going to react and no matter what happens I want to keep this person in my life. We’re getting older and there’s no guarantee that the “hard times” will go away. It might even last the rest of our lives. I don’t know what to do. I can’t face the reality that they might leave rather than watch me do my own thing. How do I have my cake and eat it too?

  • levzzz@lemmy.world
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    29 days ago

    Yeah, best friend? What the hell, i wish i had that kinda relations with my best friends…

    • Maalus@lemmy.world
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      29 days ago

      Had a “relationship” like this with my ex. Lots of “sexish” things, dates, furniture building together, inside jokes to denote “drop everything, it’s cuddle time”. First week we met after a long time of no-contact (we dated, broke it up, then she reached out after a few years and we started working together) we locked so hard in deep conversation, that we almost burned the house down (we left a pot of boiling soup on the stove; then remembered about it a few times and conciously decided not to check it because we were feeling so great talking). We thought “oh we are just talking for 10 mins, it’s fineeee” when that shit went on for hours.

      Yet it “wasn’t a relationship” after it fell apart. That shit ruins a person. I basically felt gaslit hard, questioning my sanity, the choices I made. Still trying to recover really

    • dfyx@lemmy.helios42.de
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      29 days ago

      Have you asked them if they would want that? Serious question.

      Edit: sometimes I think we are too shy when it comes to telling our friends about our feelings and wishes and too judgemental when they tell us theirs. Why does knowing something intimate about each other have to be awkward? I’d rather have them tell me something I don’t want to fulfill than find out after 20 years that there’s something we both wanted and never talked about.