rejection anxiety and real pain - eviltoast

Hey there. I am incredibly sad, downright depressed and mentally exhausted.

I wanted to celebrate my birthday yesterday for the first time (maybe ever?) with lots of nice people. I invited about 30-50 people. Some, I invited personally, some just casually through groups. Lots of those people I thought of as somehow close and friendly.

I exhausted myself in the effort of preparing the party, I rented a room, I prepared photos, activities, food, music, and just put a lot of mental energy into the planning. I have been planning it for about 2 months, invited those who were most important to me back then even.

5 people showed up.

I am devastated. I was always so anxious about my birthday and never celebrated it. I think I removed myself from groups a lot in my life. And only the last two years, I’ve started to understand my diagnosis and how to communicate with people. This throws all my anxiety and pain back into my body and brain.

I don’t know how to deal with it. Especially I don’t know how to interact with the people that were important to me and who didn’t show (or those who didn’t even cancel). My past behaviour was burning down all the bridges. I don’t think I should do that. But I also don’t know how to pretend like it doesn’t hurt…

Any advice about rejection anxiety and … well, real rejection?

Thank you.

  • Mighty@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
    5·
    1 month ago

    Thank you. That means a lot and I hope your situation improves, too.

    I wrote it in another comment: I can see how it’s partly not about me. Everyone had a specific and relatable and legit reason not to come. Just in the collection it also is indicative of my standing. So apparently I don’t have 50 friends, I don’t appeal to people in general and I don’t pull people who have ever the slightest reason not to go.

    • Pandemanium@lemm.eeEnglish
      3·
      1 month ago

      If I got an invite like this and I knew that many people were invited, I may have assumed that most of the others would show up, and therefore you may not even notice whether I showed up or not. Like, inviting 50 people is already kind of impersonal, isn’t it? Would you really have the time to interact with all 50 if they had all showed?

      And really, who cares if you don’t have 50 friends? I don’t. Most people I know don’t. They might have 50 acquaintances, but keeping up that many friendships would be exhausting.

      • Mighty@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
        2·
        1 month ago

        So the number. Out of 50, 30 are just my colleagues. I didn’t all invite them individually, a few I did, but mostly I gave a group invite. It’s quite usual for the colleagues to hang out together, go to stuff together. So that leaves 20 people I invited by hand.