[TW] Dating - eviltoast

Sorry this is a bit of a depressing subject but I’ve been feeling down and I kinda want to interact with ppl online.

Basically I’m feeling down because the girl I liked (I’m not out to her) is very likely into another girl (she’s bi).

I never dated in my entire life, mostly because I feel like a freak and don’t want to seem like a pervert trying to flirt with a girl. I don’t know why I feel like this, but it’s really taking a toll on me because if even as a relatively attractive guy I couldn’t find anyone, how the hell can I find someone now?

I know T4T exists but there are so few trans women where I live, and the queer community is tiny here. I feel like I’ll always be a second option to cis women(genital preference) and it just feels bad. I’m scared I’ll end up alone. Moreover the HRT is making me crave intimacy so that adds to the pile…

Anyone feels like this too and found how to deal with it?

  • zea@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    30·
    3 months ago

    Being attractive as a guy isn’t everything. Given you’re transfem, I’m assuming you had low self confidence and all the other things that come with being happy with who you are.

    I don’t look particularly amazing right now, but my family recognizes I look a lot happier and act like a person now, rather than the husk I was.

    • Chloë (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
      9·
      3 months ago

      Thank you yes, it could be a reason why but, idk being confident seems easy to say, in practice I can only seem confident even right now, I’m not where I want to be though.

      • zea@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
        4·
        3 months ago

        Oh yes, it’s hard, but I just want you to know it’s not an issue of looks, it’s a changeable thing. Personally, I only got some confidence when I started HRT.

  • blackboxwarrior@lemmy.ml
    17·
    3 months ago

    I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this qt, it can be really tough. I found myself in a similar spot when I transitioned and moved to a rural area. It’s been two years since then and i’m extremely happy in a T4T relationship.

    On “feeling like a freak,” yeah, I get that. It sucks to feel that way. Part of that perception changes with time as hormones do their thing and you fit more into a feminine role… part of it doesn’t go away. I think it’s important to realize that if people are around you and being friendly they likely don’t think you’re a freak, and acting as if they do will just make it awkward. You’re not a pervert for being trans and liking cis women. Be confident and love yourself.

    Feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to <3 all will be alright.

    • Chloë (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
      7·
      3 months ago

      Thanks a lot! 💖

      I think it’s important to realize that if people are around you and being friendly they likely don’t think you’re a freak

      That’s helpful thank you! I’ve got a pretty big network of friends, I’m terrified at the idea of trying to flirt with one and destroying whatever relationship we had.

      Be confident and love yourself.

      That’s not easy to do, I should probably go talk to a therapist about it, my self confidence has always been in the toilet, it’s getting a bit better with hrt I think.

  • Lumelore (She/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    11·
    3 months ago

    Same. I’ve never felt like dating until I was a few months on e. I just felt like it was wrong to date someone when I wasn’t feeling like myself.

    Even now though, I’m still not dating even though I want to because I live in a rural area and there’s very few other queer people where I am.

    I also get very lonely and crave intimacy, and I honestly don’t know how to deal with it. I’ve tried dating apps, but everyone is so far away, and it ends up just not working out.

      • dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        7·
        3 months ago

        Without dating app, the usual places people meet partners are where they spend a lot of time with other people: at work, at school, etc. The bar scene is / was a way people used to meet people, though in each environment there is a kind of filter about the kind of people you are likely to meet there.

        I’m sure you can find someone without a dating app if you wanted to.

      • SkyeStarfall@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        6·
        3 months ago

        It’s very possible not to use dating apps, you just need to try to meet more (queer) friends. Eventually, as you meet more people as friends, somebody will come along that you hit it off with. Given enough attempts, it’s basically guaranteed (law of big numbers and all that)

        So, generally, the best steps towards dating is to not try to actively date, but being open to it, and in the meantime trying to love yourself, become genuinely happy if possible (or go to therapy etc), and to hang out in places where other people are, and meet other people and spend time with them as friends.

        All of my partners, past partners and current partners, started out as friends (though, I also do a lot of casual sex)

  • Elise@beehaw.org
    9·
    3 months ago

    I don’t know what works for you, but boymoding just never worked for me in the dating scene.

    That’s because I’m mostly demisexual. Meaning I first need them emotions to flow. And that just ain’t a thing when you’re faking it.

    Now that I’m just myself I get way more attention. It honestly surprised me because I thought I’d just have to accept that I’d be a freak the rest of my life.