Hello to everyone. I admittedly am posting this to discuss difficulties that this week has been with me getting myself moving with the new changes to my routine, and the stress it has brought about for me.
I work two full-time careers, one in the daytime from 10 am to 6 pm, the other in the nighttime from 11 pm to 7 am, the days offset to grant me 4 days where I work only one of the two offices and 3 days where I work both. I balance this with a biphasic sleep schedule, which while not the most ideal, has been one that works well for me. I also have other obligations in my life that I maintain, primarily for self-care and self-soothing to grant me reprieve from my stress in life, this is in the form of weekly D&D sessions with two groups of friends as a GM for both groups, a weekly meeting with my coven as a Pagan, a weekly support meeting for others in the local community, working out at the gym and biking, and also my garden which I tend to daily. I admit, my life is busy, and it is something I don’t want, but it is due to circumstances out of my control the life I have going for me.
I have had to recently as well though incorporate another part, specifically for furthering my career and making more of a future for myself, and this has been finishing out my degree. I have been doing online university classes for a few semesters now and normally have been able to maintain a good flow with my other life activities; however, this week started the Fall Semester and I find that I have been heavily struggling to get that flow going. I admittedly had to start late because I ended up having to work a lot of overtime over the course of a weekend due to issues with my night-job and had been too exhausted to do anything but sleep for the first two days of the semester. As this Sunday ends though, I find that I have fallen behind in what I was planning to have done by this point with my schedule, and am struggling with the stress of trying to figure out how to force it all to go so I can get the flow going, which is not always the best.
It is admittedly what causes me to find myself feeling tired from the life I live. In the past I had it where once I got a good flow going it all would line up and move evenly, with me only having to go with it and have the feeling of less stress as it all lined up, knowing that on which days were which activities, giving me something to look forward to during the work day and work night.
First—wow. You’re living an incredibly full life. You’re meeting the situation you’re in by working two jobs; looking toward the future with the university degree. You have an admirably balanced portfolio of purposeful avocational activities to meet spiritual, physical and social needs. You’ve thought out and researched how mind and body work.
But I find myself wondering: “But when do you dream?” I’m not referring to sleep-dreaming. Rather, I’m thinking of something more like meditation—where the mind is either not engaged in purposeful activitiy, or is engaged in activity that is so rote, so engrained as automatic, that the subconscious is free to make its own associations that (for lack of a better descriptor) allow it to connect the dots from what seem to be disparate experiences.
I’m a (retired) academic. You mention you’re progressing further in university studies. You don’t describe it as onerous in terms of literal time commitments: absorbing material, completing tasks that assess subject mastery.
My experience has been that intensive intellectual processing seems to drain some sort of subconscious reservoir, which then demands to be replenished. If I do not give this process its due, eventually I become a gibbering idiot; for lack of a better term, I think of it as “brain-lock.” If I try to push through, I make stupid mistakes. Like the day I woke up, cleaned my contact lenses like I had done for some 20 years, and tried to pop them in my eyes using the soap solution instead of the wetting solution. I burned my eyes so badly I had to take the day off. (No long-term harm—just serious ouch.)
Another consideration: You don’t say how old you are; some details you mention suggest you’re beyond early 20s. Specifics aren’t particularly important. I’m old enough to be retired. So here’s the point: as we age, the balance of body-mind-spirit components we need will change. I find that I need more “free-range” mental/emotional time to recover from stressful situations. Perhaps that is also so for you.
I don’t know what components you may want or need to shift in your schedule. But since you’ve asked what’s going on, I’ve offered my best guess on what you might need to assemble your own answer.
Honestly, I first saw your post and had to sit there for a bit and think on it. I did not have an answer for you as to when I truly do have time to just freely relax and think. I have the ability to memorize what is discussed in the classes and think on how to apply it to my work as well as applying to future goals I have for myself; however, I do not actually have a time that I, as you said, just replenish by doing nothing. Even in the time around my resting periods where I am not doing as much work I am still distracted so I don’t think I truly ever relax and let my mind freely float and think to replenish itself as you had mentioned. That may be something I really need to do something about. You mentioning the brain-lock is accurate for me, I have noticed times where I am stuck hitting a wall if I try to work out anything and end up having had to take a break to sit down and sleep typically to recover. You are correct, I am closer to early 30s than early 20s, and I can agree that the balance of physical, spiritual, and mental/emotional time has changed since I was younger, and even changed as the world around me has changed. When I was younger I needed more time for my mental/emotional time and my physical time than I do now. It is interesting how the balance does change.
Thank you for honestly giving me some room to think about what I may have to try and make changes to better make things work. It is most appreciated.