Xpost from casual conversations. Delete if it doesn’t fit.
In the final stages of moving from the deep south to a northern state.
I used to run a shop under a corporation. Long story, but I integrated the shop, and built something beautiful. I had to use a temp service to do a lot of my hiring, I hired lots of black folks because they were undervalued and I could give them a good environment and pay. Was just starting to hire women. COVID and Qanon blew it the fuck up.
Tomorrow I’ll be having lunch with two of my former crew. One of them is the only man I’ve ever called brother. He was my neighbor and best friend for years. I would have trusted him to help me hide a body. The other feller was a kind and gentle guy, had a bad divorce but was a teddy bear, was on the road back up.
They both went down the rabbit hole real bad.
I miss who they were and the shop we had. It was fucking jazz. I protected all of them from corporate. We made shit happen. I fought to get them more money and got fucked over myself.
I’ve lost my parents, my grandfather, my aunts and uncles and cousins to the insanity. Thank jeebus my grandmothers and one grandfather are dead.
Tomorrow I’m going to hug my brother and tell him goodbye. He isn’t really my brother anymore. I don’t trust him. I love him. He’s not the man I knew.
It hurts a lot. It broke my heart.
I see a lot of workplace horror stories on social media, but my best and closest friendships formed through work. A crew of good people can do just amazing things and be a source of pride that absolutely can’t be replicated solo. Almost indescribable.
But that focus on work can hide some flaws and conflicts, even during downtime. It can feel like betrayal, and definitely enormously disappointing when those come out. And who knows, maybe, if one had been there at the right time, been supportive in the right way, then that slide down the rabbit hole could have been stopped, so there can be some guilt, too.
Glory days, man. Don’t be sad that they’re passed, be glad that you had the chance.
Yeah. For a while it was something amazing and I got to run it. It really was magic, made that corporation millions. I learned a lot during it. Also learned that I’m done managing.
Done consulting as well, I think. Done with most people.
I’m going to build a small shop. Either my son can work with me, if he decides he likes it, or I can hire a helper.