I go with my gf to her grandmas lake house every year, and while its relaxing and fun, I absolutely notice a change in her demeanor, I find I have to walk on eggshells around her and every other thing I say or do seems to be wrong and warrants nagging. I have confronted her about this but she seems to deny any change in behaviour is happening and just retorts with “well I told you xxx!”
Obviously her family is stressing her out but it kills me that she won’t acknowledge that, especially since I’m such a straightforward person who likes to discuss what’s going on. And that shes such a family girl on top of that. I’m planning on marrying her but i m just not sure how to discuss this particular point of contention with her first, because it’s one of the few things she’ll get actually defensive about
Couples counseling my dude. There is probably way more shit there to unpack than you are qualified to handle. A good therapist will be incredibly helpful in many ways, but especially because they are a neutral party. They can bring things up or make suggestions that you can’t, at least without being resented.
It’s worth the money. And it’s easier and faster if you do it BEFORE it becomes a huge issue.
I’ll even underscore that this is worth it even if you aren’t having problems yet. You can learn about each other from a professional that has no horse in the race. You can learn the tools of communication to avoid all kinds of misunderstandings and hurt feelings. There’s no reason to be self conscious or embarrassed. None of us are issued an instruction manual on relationships. Why NOT hire a professional to get understanding in place?
I wish my ex husband and i had done couples counseling. I sabotaged that relationship because i just didn’t have the words to tell him how i needed to act a certain way in front of my very MAGA parents. He also had to pressure me into going to Thanksgiving and Christmas, and just couldn’t understand why.