I’m a 40-year old dude with… let’s say, plenty of issues. Most of them stemming from childhood but adulthood has been equally painful so far.
I’ve been looking into self-help a lot lately and notice that many techniques tell you to focus on a person whom you consider an example, a role model you want to emulate.
The problem is, I don’t have any. None. My own father was an abusive alcoholic who offed himself when I was 15. My mother did her best but was a neurotic wreck with many untreated mental health issues of her own. She eventually found a new partner whom I looked up to for many years since he was finally that role model I thought I needed.
But a few years ago he tried to seduce my own partner (which luckily didn’t succeed), resulting in my esteem for him immediately imploding completely.
In the greater world, outside of my own little atmosphere, there aren’t really any actors or business people or coworkers, bosses, teachers… that I’ve looked up to or ever had any kind of relationship with. Sure, there are many people I admire for whatever they may have contributed to humanity, but that doesn’t mean they’re some kind of shining example in every area of their lives.
I guess I’m just trying to communicate that I’m a 40-year old dude with daddy issues and I have no idea how to healthily cope with it or even fix it.
Before anyone asks, I’m on a waiting list for professional treatment. Been a month, 5 more to go (in a best case scenario).
How did others cope with this specifically? Did you have any insights in what ideas to emulate or how to handle certain difficulties in life through the lens of a mentor? Is it even desirable or is it just another crutch for the weak-minded to cope with, well, being weak-minded?
Huh I always feel like it’s easy to say that you can be yourself and it will be fine, but it doesn’t hold to reality.
I’ve been myself my whole life (36 now). I’ve been alone my whole life, and at this point I doubt I can do anything about it. My job is shit, but branching away would be an ordeal.
I tried for so long to be my own self, but now I feel like a failure and this would mean that my own self is a failure. Yet I did everything “right”.
I’m not depressed anymore. But I’m not away from that dead end either.
What I know is that I can’t just be myself. I need to be more social, to seek people more than I am comfortable doing, to do things I don’t particularly like. Or I’ll stay in my hole of lonelyness.
“just be yourself” imply strong social skills, and often an already strong basis for your life to go. It’s hypocritical or delusional for people who don’t have these resources and skills. You need both before you can be yourself and get a comfortable life.
If you’re missing resources, you need help. If you’re missing social skills, you need either help or a model.
Amen. I feel like “just be yourself” is toxic advice because “being myself” is what go me in this entire mess in the first place. If I’d been someone else, I’d have been much better off.