If you knew you were going to get Alzheimer’s at 65 would you have kids? - eviltoast

This has been on my mind lately. My dad is going through it, his sister has got it pretty bad and I apparently have the predisposed gene to get in my future.

I’m leaning no because I wouldn’t want to make my child go through slowly watching their dad’s mind leave them and also potentially pass it on to them when they get older.

It’s thrown me for a loop since I always imagined myself having kids and I’m around that age now.

What do you think?


Edit: I just want to say that I did not expect the kind of response this post got. I’m grateful for all of your comments and the perspectives it’s allowed me to peak into.

I also should mention that were I to have children they would most certainly not be burdened by being the crutch of my own personal journey of accepting and loving who I am. That is work for me alone and I would never unload that responsibility onto those I love and especially those who I’d be raising.

As for my partner not wanting kids, I would never consider forcing or persuading them to raise a child when they know for certain it’s not in their cards. This is another element in how I’ve been navigating this question. I love her with everything I have and I can’t imagine us being apart and yet there is a pang that lingers of the father I assumed I would eventually become.

Anyway, thanks again for your thoughtful replies. They’ve helped so much especially since this is the first time I’ve voiced these thoughts.

  • bobaduk@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    From your other replies it seems like you’re unsure you want kids in any case, but if you do there’s a simple thought experiment here: do you wish your father hadn’t had you? If not, it’s reasonable to think your children would be just as grateful to be alive as you are, sick dad or not.

    • droans@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      it seems like you’re unsure you want kids in any case

      Unless you’re certain you want kids, don’t have them. I love my little one, but it’s not easy.

      Kids deserve to have parents who can give them 100% and you do not want to live the rest of your life resenting them.

    • Enma Ai@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      The positive for experiences dont equal out the negative experiences though. Negative experiences weigh more

      • CiderApplenTea@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        But still, that would be weighed correctly in the question whether OP is glad their dad had them, the question isn’t whether they haven’t had happy memories