First of all, a vodka martini isn’t a classic martini. That’s why you have to say “vodka” before martini if that’s what you’re ordering. A martini is made at any reputable establishment with gin. I’m sure you could say “rum martini” and any established bartender would raise an eyebrow but make your order.

That said, I order my martini the same way every time: pure Everclear stirred with a single ice cube. Wave a bottle of vermouth over the glass while looking in the direction of France.

One olive or three, never even numbers. I’m not a savage.

Then after I’ve vomited on the bar, they wheel me home on a dolly.

Edit: my actual standard order is Beefeater, extra dry, one olive. Keep it simple and classic.