Disclaimer: The narratives in these correspondences are shaped by my personal experiences. They are intended as entries in my journal. To ensure confidentiality, all personally identifiable details have been intentionally omitted from these texts. The possibility of anyone I am close to encountering this page is unlikely. If you find a connection with the information herein, rest assured that it is purely unintentional.

[These are still in draft and I ask for your patience with corrections]

I’ve learned a new word today that best describes my ex-wife : SCHADENFREUDE

Of course it’s origins are German and of course it was invoked by the National Socialist Party (Nazi) to inflict the cruelty against the many people that suffered under their hands. That’s not the origin of the word but I like to reference it relating to Schadenfreude and what appears to be a correlation with the hivemind that is so prominent today.

Def: The experience of pleasure, joy, or self-satisfaction that comes from learning of or witnessing the troubles, failures, or humiliation of another.

I visited the Imperial Library of Trantor once and I stumbled upon one book that made a deep disturbing impression on me. For the life of me, I cannot remember the title nor the name of the author, but it had stories of what it would be like to experience extreme hell on earth. Some people may use the term to describe the difficult challenges that they face in life. I don’t think most people reading this have ever experienced true hell on earth. Although I would describe my ex-wife’s need to punish me close to my hell on earth, the closest I’ve come to that is my own experience watching people jump to their deaths from 80 stories, because they don’t want to burn alive. I watched as the buildings collapsed disintegrating everything that was contained within them. The thoughts of those poor souls standing on a gaping open hole in the building trying to decide whether they want to be burned alive or plummet to their death intentionally, to avoid the pain of the heat. When the newspaper showed a close up of that man jumping to his death while covering his face, I broke down in tears. Myself, being a Christian have wondered if I were put into that position I’m faced with the difficult decision on whether God would forgive me for intentionally escaping this world to avoid the immediate pain of feeling and watching my flesh burn off my body. Imagine having to make that decision with those conflicting beliefs while thinking that you likely be alive during your travel to your death and end with your body smashing up against the ground in a violent death, never to see of be seen by your loved ones in this life again. The disintegration of the buildings caused body parts to be lodged on the rooftops of different buildings. I can’t help but think of what a violent death that was.

The story that stayed with me was the authors description of hell on earth from the perspective of a young mother in a Nazi death camp on her way to the gas chamber. The story describes her walking along a soft path made from the ashes of those that were previously gassed and cremated and being fully aware of that fact. She is aware of her doom as she holds her child’s hand in a death grip on their way to their final resting place. The author goes on to describe the image of a building bellowing smoke creating a slight metallic odor in the air. She is then beaten and permanent separated from her child. She is gang raped and sent back on her way facing her doom without child knowing that both her and her child will stand alone in their deaths only to become part of the same trail that she walked to end in this world.

I think about the American soldiers that first discovered the horrors of those death camps and the atrocities that they discovered. We see images of naked dead bodies piled up in buildings with barely any flesh on their bodies from malnutrition and disease covered with flies that are willing lay their eggs in the flesh in order to create new life. Not for one moment do I disagree with the policy of parading the local German people through the death camps forcing them to properly dispose of the remains of those people as punishment for their apathy. I’ve always marveled at the strategic military prowess that Adolf Hitler used at the beginning of the war, but I detest the disgusting actions that he took in desecrating the image of humankind. I think to today’s hivemind mentality and lack of common sense that is spreading throughout the world and the fact that history will likely repeat itself. I apply this mentality to my ex-wife and the power she holds on the multiple individuals that have harassed me for over a decade. It appears that these people take pleasure in making one’s life miserable which brings me back to SCHADENFREUDE.

The problem with Schadenfreude is that the more you try to plead with people to stop their carnage, the more they increase their attack on you. I have experienced this multiple times, when I have attempted to create peace between myself and my ex-wife. I find that I am attacked with more intensity and more pleasure than before. At first I could not explain this anomaly. It doesn’t make sense to me.

Since I cannot possibly reason with this woman, I can only ask that family members intervene here. For your grand-children, for your nieces, nephews, god-children, cousins and for mankind please intervene and stop the continued abuse that I receive from her. If you’re her attorney, it’s important that you are aware of this. Don’t turn a blind eye to this. You could be directly responsible for any negative outcome for these families. Your intervention is the only thing that is going to save our lives. Perhaps I fanned the flames and came off arrogant for my tit-for-tat behavior. I acknowledge that was wrong, but that was my defensive response to being attacked. I should have turned the other cheek as I have been taught and I acknowledge my short comings and realized the damage it created. Two wrongs don’t make a right, right? But you need to stop the insanity here because she will not.

I cannot express to you how this definition is so suitable to my ex-wife’s actions. People may come to me and say “hey cmon, she really isn’t that bad is she?” To anyone meeting her for the first time, she will come off as friendly and engaging, a normal person. If you cross paths with her she will become your worst nightmare. Although she may find that to be a good quality of hers, as human being, it’s a disgusting type of person to be. To have no empathy, no compassion, what good do you see in the world except your own selfish needs and desire. I don’t have the ability to diagnose anyone, but there are ailments that hold many of the symptoms I could label her as. I share children with this woman. This is not anger from me speaking. This is a sheer concern and desperation for the outcome of our children. I am desperately worried that our children may inherit this dysfunction. For someone to pretend that they are someone else in order to hurt or destroy another that they once cared for (or pretended to). To me, that is truly evil. If for some reason this outcome is the result of my desire to end our marriage, I apologize to you. It was never my intention to hurt you. The fact is, you hurt me and you have been hurting me for over a decade and it has worn me down. Perhaps you’re happy about that, but the fact is that I am the father of your children and you can continue beating me down, taking my money, trying to put me in the poor house, in a psych ward or worse in jail. What good does that do for your children? Everything is entwined and my outcome has a direct relation to the success of our children. If you hurt me, in some way it will hurt them. If you don’t believe your children will understand what has happened you are dead wrong. They are already starting to see what’s going on. Our last incident on the road has given me new understanding of how clever our children are.

Back to the situation with this farce. What I can tell you is that my ex-wife and her attorney have allegedly interfered with my relationship with my ex-girlfriend on social media or may have staged it to look that way. I can’t go into it too much detail because it would all be speculation, but someone was pretending to be my ex-girlfriend on social media looking to reconcile. People pretended to be me and my ex-girlfriend. Maybe there were points in which my ex-girlfriend was involved. It created a lot of negative results. If there was a possibility for reconciliation with my ex-girlfriend the ex-wife has likely extinguished it. I’m absolutely certain that it was her, based on certain correspondence that I received from her as her way to dig in the knife. So my ex plays severe games with the heart. We’re talking about a middle aged professional adult here.

I’m not licensed to diagnose but there appears to be a lot of psychology behind this issue. I’ve mentioned Schadenfreude above. Another one of which is called triangulation. Based on Psych Central’s definition, triangulation is when a toxic or manipulative person, often a person with strong narcissistic traits, brings a third person into their relationship in order to remain in control. There will be limited or no communication between the two triangulated individuals except through the manipulator. I cannot decide whether the manipulator is my ex or her attorney.

My ex-wife loves her revenge. My message to her is that you’re wasting a lot of time and money, destroying relationships, destroying lives and you’ve allegedly committed a lot of crimes. In addition, you continue to sever what is left of our co-parenting relationship. Please stop for our children’s sake.

I still haven’t asked why they’re doing what they do. I’d love for my ex-wife or her attorney to come right out and tell me why they have hired folks to harass me, why they are trying to destroy me. But I somewhat already know the answer and and it’s money along with her desire for revenge for perceived injustice and possibly mental illness. Do you guys want me to drop the case? I will consider it when you send an official letter to me stating that’s what you want and that you will stop your harassment if I waive any money. There has to be specifics in your stipulation about the harassment events that you have perpetrated. Of course, I know you’re not that stupid to admit to the crimes you have inflicted on us. Please just stop.