Disclaimer: The narratives in these correspondences are shaped by my personal experiences. They are intended as entries in my journal. To ensure confidentiality, all personally identifiable details have been intentionally omitted from these texts. The possibility of anyone I am close to encountering this page is unlikely. If you find a connection with the information herein, rest assured that it is purely coincidental.

I updated some information and criticism of my ex’s immediate family below. It’s not my place to judge. Her family was good to me up until the point that I became their enemy. That was their choice alone and of course I only had problems with her immediate family. At least that is what I like to think.

This is a draft of an ongoing saga. Check in the future for updates.

This is my story of being married and divorced to a spouse that just cannot let go of things. Many ex-spouses spew stories of hatred and resentment about their ex-spouse, most of the time onlookers just disregard the statements because of bitterness with the divorce. In my case, when the divorce started, I really didn’t have a negative view of my ex-wife, even with the fact that she made false accusations against me and had me arrested, taken from our home, forbidden to return to both home and forbidden to see my children children just weeks after I filed for divorce. There were never any claims of domestic violence before that occurrence. I was waltzed out of my home in the early hours in handcuffs because they got to take someone. Interestingly enough, the case was dropped rather quickly as a result of a conversation I had with a police officer earlier explaining my fear of living with my soon to be ex-wife. Attorneys know what actions they can suggest to their clients to turn a divorce in their favor overnight, and a claim of domestic violence works well to do that… That’s when I realized we reached the point of no return. There was no coming back from that despite the feelings I still had for her. She set that reconciliation ablaze that night and it was never possible to recover from it since then. I understood she was riddled with anxiety as a result of me filing our paperwork for the divorce. Her primary concern was maintaining custody of our children. I understood that but her actions since the beginning have been very well orchestrated. In hindsight you could see what steps she took to prepare for the moment of surprise. She is truly a master of trickery. Since that night of arrest, for the last decade she still continues to make me out as a monster and she has done some pretty disturbing things. I will go into the issues and her actions in the following documents.

About 10 years ago in Central California, I decided to divorce my then wife of 2 years. It wasn’t my intention to get divorced but it was the final straw that I could bear in an ongoing marriage of continual abuse. I believe that when people hear abuse they see a man in a sweaty tank top yelling and beating his wife telling her to do the dishes. That’s a standard stereotype that some people would love to portray. A lot of people love to throw that word around to gain sympathy and support to their cause. The truth is that abuse can come in many forms. Emotional abuse, financial abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse and legal abuse are some of those types. It can be abuse against women and it certainly can be against men too. You have harassment from the individual or the hiring of a third party to initiate the harassment. In my case the harassment came from my ex-wife, a hired third-party and her attorney.

As a husband I was only physically abused once while we were dating. Upon the threat of leaving, she promised never to do it again, and she didn’t. As I mentioned above, there are many types of abuse and I was undeniably subjected to them all. That slapping should have been a red flag for me, but I forgave her. I never physically abused my ex-wife at anytime when we were dating or in marriage post divorce. I have never committed any of the abusive behaviors I previously mentioned, but I have suffered under every one of them. In hindsight I think I would prefer having been physically abused by her, compared to what she has done to me for over 10 years. If you ask her if she has been abusive towards me, she will respond to you in absolute denial. She’s likely telling the truth because I believe she is in absolute denial that she has done anything wrong. For over decade I have not see one apology from her about the downfall of our marriage, whereas I have apologized profusely and I have taken the burden of the punishment unfairly.

My ex was born in a very wealthy family. The type that owns the gated compound, the tennis court, pool and was situated on a large piece of property. She was first generation American born to an Asian family that held certain “values” or behaviors that were obviously different from mine. Her Dad was a shrewd businessman that had a penchant for cutting corners and getting things done under the table. They never paid taxes on consumer goods and used cash to get the best discounts as a bargaining tool. It didn’t bother me. At the time I thought it was quite ingenious this unmentioned discount so to speak.

I took out a lot of information in here that was previously written because it was probably written out of frustration and bias. No one should judge someone else as far as morals are concerned. It could be a matter of their perception of me and their anger. The fact is that many people in my ex’s family were good people. I have my gripe with my ex and I should keep it at that.

My mother made the statement until her death that she still holds no hard feelings for my ex-wife despite every negative thing she did to me. My mom lived a short portion of the decade of harassment that I’ve experienced. I’m almost certain, based on how I was raised that she would still side with forgiveness after 10 years because that’s the way she was. Here’s a perfect example of my families forgiveness that one might say is flawed after this story. I never met my grandfather. My grandfather was walking across the street late at night in New York City when a teenage driver hit my grandfather with her car killing him. She was from the same neighborhood and at that time you knew someone or you knew them from someone else you knew. Thirty years after that devastating event the women is a regular patron at my Aunt’s restaurant bar. It was always an odd thing to see. If it weren’t for this woman perhaps I would have had a grandfather but it wasn’t my place to be angry. If my family wasn’t angry then I wasn’t going to be either. We can compare that to my ex’s family, who do nothing but talk bad about me to our children. They are hostile to me at my children’s events. They are hostile to me during court hearings. They think they are above the law and test the rules all the time. I’ll go into the details on their actions and behavior in future parts of this document.

We were internet dates at a time when it was still a bit taboo to meet people that way. My ex always had a cover story for how we met. She was always embarrassed of the internet dating story. We had planned to meet for the first time but my ex had to cancel due to illness. I thought she may have been backing out and was upset because I was excited about the date. I remember talking about it to a friend at work and he assured me that she would be calling to reconnect. I recall asking him if I should bring something as a gift such as a flower. I recall him suggesting otherwise, saying that it was too soon for that. I was ecstatic to get a call from her asking for I cannot recal whoe picked the a seafood restaurant by the pier. My ex had already arrived and was standing eagerly in front of the restaurant. As I drove by, I saw her and waved. I knew she saw me but the sun was in her eyes and she had smiled while she blocked it with her hand. For that reason she may not have gotten too much of a view of me, but I had certainly checked her out. Not to be the shallow man but I did get a little nervous. The distortion of the sun gave me a bad interpretation of her legs. I never told her this but as I was pulling up to the restaurant, she appeared to have cankles. If you’re unfamiliar with cankles they are when the ankles blend in with your calves creating a an interpretation of having large legs. I had to make a U-turn after passing the restaurant and I found a spot about a block walk. My panic created a unnecessary nervousness about my new finding, but I was very pleased as I walked up to her and realized that was not the case. Her body was very nice. It was petite and very proportionate. Her skin was light and she had a beautiful eyes and a very unique nose. Her hair had this gorgeous black thickness to it, and she had it slightly curled, something that I noticed she did in the future on a rare occasion, but it was still beautiful any way you looked at it. To this day I have a picture of her standing buy the ocean with the visibility of the island in which I proposed to her. Recently, I have tried to get my child to take the same picture. Unfortunately I explained why and my child did not want to do it as she has sometimes has her mother’s un-pliable personality. As far as her looks were concerned I could say that it was love at first sight the day I met her.

My ex was the picture perfect girlfriend. Thin, feminine, intelligent, good family (as so I thought), motivated. She wore some of the best clothes that I’ve seen on a woman and I always commented on her shoe collection comparing them to those owned by Imelda Marcos. She had a lot of great style and dress for a woman which made me proud to date her. We got along very well and we rarely argued while we were dating.

In hindsight t he problem that I never took into account was that she was handed everything she ever wanted in her life on a golden platter. She never had to work before her career. Her parents paid for her to attend college. I came from the opposite end of this. I worked continually from the age of 13. I paid for some of my college and my parents helped with the rest. I wore hand me downs from brothers and cousins. To me and my friends and family that was normal living to us. We were good kids that didn’t get into too much trouble. We didn’t need much and we were very happy with what we had.

Although my family ties with my siblings were fairly strong, I did have some fallout with my family that created some rifts as a result of their difficult significant others. My parents did their best to contain these issues but they were long distance and limited due to their age. For that reason I welcomed being a part of my ex’s family. I thought that I could finally be a part of a close knit family that cared for one another. What I learned is that all came with a cost. Although the divorce was finalized a year or so after filing, my attempts to leave that family over the last decade have been unsuccessful. My ex has made it impossible for me to leave, keeping a grasp on me for an entire decade through our child. My life is comparable to the black sheep adopted cousin that nobody wanted and I have none of the benefits of being in a family, but all the negatives. It started with my ex-wife wanting to get married. Her younger sister had already been married and I could sense that was a problem with her. The relationship crumbled quickly with the high burdens of her desire to fill in the things that she believed were voids in her life. Marriage, homes, cars, baby and all the stresses that came with them were rushed in like an open valved tap. Despite my pleadings with her to stagger these needs, I was met with her frustration and rejection at every avenue. Then came the accusations of anger. “He’s angry!”, would start many of our conversations when it came to disagreement. It was her method of silencing me into compliance. We hired the help of a marriage counselor. Our first counselor pointed out weaknesses in the relationship with my ex-wife being the problem. That ended quickly with accusations of sexism and perversion. I didn’t see it from this counselor. I agreed to get another counselor. This time it was a divorced bitter old women that lived alone that would now counseling us. I didn’t know of her marital problems and bitterness until too late our last session. I was new to all this realm. We would attend the sessions and my ex would never say a thing. We’d go again and the same thing was done. Another session she would say a couple of words and she would point to me as having drinking problems. Next session was about me having anger issues. She allowed me to empty my heart out in every session pointing blame at me, while she did absolutely nothing to better the relationship. I had to ask the therapist to make her participate and still it would be the same finger pointing. Everything was my fault. It wasn’t until the last and final session when I got angry because of her lack of participation. we got into an argument that day and I left justifiably angry. As we exited the therapists home, an immediate sympathetic wife came into the picture. She had promised she would take us out to dinner at a local sushi restaurant. At that point I just wanted to go home, but she poured on even more sympathy touching my hand as she told me to come to the restaurant. This soft wanting behavior was unlike her in a very long time and as a result I agreed to go. At that point I was confused but complied hoping we could get to a point of peace. I can recall the restaurant It was one of the sushi places with the conveyor belt that goes around the diner’s tables. We sat in the center at a small table and watched as the sushi containers scurried by our table as we sat in resentment and silence. There couldn’t be a point of realization where I understood much more that we were over. It wouldn’t be until the near future that I realize the importance of that visit to the Sushi restaurant. That would be the place where I was to meet my harassers. These were people that would help her try and destroy my life for almost 10 years.

To be continued.