TLDR: I’m an older gaybro (48) who was married a long time and has no friggin’ clue how to date anymore because the times have changed. I’m looking for advice on how to meet other gaybros in a smallish town for actual dates, not just random sex encounters. Anybody with strategies that have worked or have been fun, please chime in!

I was married for fourteen years and, unfortunately, my husband died a couple of years ago. I’m (and have been) ready to start meeting men again but I was out of the loop of what single life was about so long things have really changed! I tried the Grindr thing. Not fun. Not to mention the fact that so many dudes on there are married or in the closet because I live in a very small, quasi-conservative town. Nobody on there or other apps actually wants a date. They just want anonymous sex, which I think is silly (correct me if I’m wrong) because you don’t have to waste your time scrolling through an app for casual, anonymous encounters. Go to the baths or something. Way faster and more efficient, if you ask me!

So, yeah, I get the fact that I’m 48 and I’m not exactly what a lot of other gaybros are looking for. However, I just want to meet other gay men, maybe have a coffee or a meal together, see if there’s a connection before I decide I want the sex. I mean, really, screwing around with random guys from an app is just mediocre sex for me. Then again, I’m old enough and experienced enough to know what really good sex is with someone special. Anything on line I’ve tried, I’ve put “looking for friends / relationship” in my profile and nobody asks me out. They just ask me if I have “my own place” so we can do the nasty.

Oh yeah, that’s the other thing. I really hate having strangers in my house. I’ve tried it. Not my thing. It drives me nuts. You just don’t know who these guys really are. Maybe hide all the sharp objects quickly before they show up! LOL.

I’ve been to the local gay bar. That place is sad and silly for meeting people. Lots of fun, though, but nobody there seems to be looking for a connection (or even a hookup!). The only conversations I’ve had there have been with men who consider themselves straight and just want a quick screw with another straight guy. Again, it’s a small town, lots of closet cases and people who don’t know what they are - not my idea of a fun time for dating. The gay bar these days seems to be full of bros scrolling their Grindr apps on their phones instead of interacting with others.

My question to gaybros living in small towns where there isn’t a lot going on: What do you do to meet men for actual dating and not hooking up quickly with a rando to forget about him in 30 minutes? Is this even possible anymore? I do all the other things you’re supposed to do, like taking classes, going to the gym, blah blah blah. The thing is, the bros at these activities and places aren’t gay and there isn’t a whole lot of gay group activities to do around here. It’s just not a gay paradise, know what I mean? However, I’ve been single in small towns before in a previous time (even in a previous millennium!) and there were gay bros that wanted to actually have a nice date (coffee, cocktail, dinner, lunch) and chit chat first before getting all naked.

I’m beginning to think that the reality for me is to live the rest of my life alone and isolated with an occasional mediocre sex encounter that will always leave me dissatisfied, bored, and nervous because I’m always the one with “the place” if you know what I mean!

If you read this far down, thanks for taking the time. I’ve tried to be specific and detailed about what I’m experiencing so I can maybe get some “hot takes” from others.