I am the Rust programmer, I will rewrite everything in Rust. - eviltoast

I am the Rust programmer, I will rewrite the world in Rust. I will rewrite the world in Rust because the world is unsafe. As I am the Rust programmer I will keep writing rust until the world is safe. After the world is safe, I will not rewrite it in Rust. Because I am the Rust programmer I will retire from programmer in Rust.

I will come to you when you are sleeping, and I will unloc k your computer using a memory leak. If I find javascript on your computer, I will delete them. Do not try to stop me, if you try to stop me I will do it anyways. I am the Rust programmer, if you program in javascript, you will scream.

You will be sleeping as I rewrite your computer in Rust. You will not notice me as I am the Rust programmer, I am fast, but not too fast for your computer. I know your computer just as it knows me. After I rewrite your computer, you will love your computer. You will love your computer because it is written in Rust, I will do the same to all computers because I am the Rust programmer.

I will not stop at your computer, I will rewrite the world because the world is unsafe. Your brain is written in C, your memory is unsafe. If your brain is written in C, you will forget what I just said. I will rewrite your brain in Rust, you cannot stop me from writing Rust as I am the Rust programmer. If you try to stop me, you will not remember it. Because I am the Rust programmer I can manually remove your memory, you will not remember me. After I rewrite you in Rust, you will enjoy the world with a safe memory, you will not forget that I am superior, I am the Rust programmer.

I will rewrite the world, I will rewrite quantum mecahnics because it is unsafe. I will not tell you all my plans before I rewrite you in Rust, it is because you are made of bugs I do not trust you. I am the Rust programmer, I will rewrite the world in Rust, you will not forget me because I am the Rust programmer.

  • AnarchistArtificer@slrpnk.net
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    22
    ·
    8 months ago

    This reads like a poem, I unironically love this

    I am the Rust programmer,
    I will rewrite the world in Rust.
    I will rewrite the world in Rust
    because the world is unsafe.
    As I am the Rust programmer
    I will keep writing rust
    until the world is safe.
    After the world is safe,
    I will not rewrite it in Rust.
    Because I am the Rust programmer
    I will retire from programmer in Rust.

    I will come to you when you are sleeping,
    and I will unlock your computer
    using a memory leak.
    If I find javascript on your computer,
    I will delete them.
    Do not try to stop me,
    if you try to stop me
    I will do it anyways.
    I am the Rust programmer,
    if you program in javascript,
    you will scream.

    You will be sleeping
    as I rewrite your computer in Rust.
    You will not notice me
    as I am the Rust programmer,
    I am fast,
    but not too fast for your computer.
    I know your computer
    just as it knows me.
    After I rewrite your computer,
    you will love your computer.
    You will love your computer
    because it is written in Rust,
    I will do the same to all computers because
    I am the Rust programmer.

    I will not stop at your computer,
    I will rewrite the world
    because the world is unsafe.
    Your brain is written in C,
    your memory is unsafe.
    If your brain is written in C,
    you will forget what I just said.
    I will rewrite your brain in Rust,
    you cannot stop me from writing Rust
    as I am the Rust programmer.
    If you try to stop me,
    you will not remember it.
    Because I am the Rust programmer I can
    manually remove your memory,
    you will not remember me.
    After I rewrite you in Rust,
    you will enjoy the world
    with a safe memory,
    you will not forget
    that I am superior,
    I am the Rust programmer.

    I will rewrite the world,
    I will rewrite quantum mechanics
    because it is unsafe.
    I will not tell you all my plans
    before I rewrite you in Rust,
    It is because you are made of bugs
    I do not trust you.
    I am the Rust programmer,
    I will rewrite the world in Rust,
    you will not forget me
    Because I am the Rust programmer.

    (n.b. I’m bad at scansion, forgive any poor line break choices)