What meds do you use and how well do they work for you? - eviltoast

I am 55 and have had therapy and help and meds for asd since I was 15. Basically nothing helped and I’m at a point I feel burned out. I have tried most (if not all) anti depressants. They do not remove depressed feeling but only make it so I don’t care. They also come with horrible side effects like weight gain and erectile dysfunction. Antipsychotica just made me suicidal. Diazapams (opioïdes?) at least make me feel less anxious but that is about it.

What else is there to try? I have an appnt with my doctor next week. I am seriously considering things like xtc, speed, cocaine etc at this point. But with all the problems that comes with I just don’t know anymore.

What do u use that helps deal with life?