Over the years, I’ve seen many folk talking about their relationship with femininity and how it relates to their transition and to their sense of identity, of who they are.
I’ve never understood it though. I don’t feel like I have a relationship with femininity, or at least, nothing beyond pragmatic necessity. It doesn’t relate to my sense of identity or who I am. In many ways, it feels like an obligation, rather than a source of empowerment or self understanding.
So, I’m curious how it works for other folk who find empowerment in it. What does it mean to you? How did it help you find yourself? How do you relate to femininity now vs earlier in your life?
Edit - To add some context. I’m 7 years transitioned, and “post transition” for want of a better term. I’m quite comfortable with my own relationship (or lack of it) with femininity. This is more an exercise in trying to understand different perspectives :)
To me, it’s feeling assured in myself and my ability to enrich the lives of people I love. It’s practicing self care and building self-confidence. It’s being there for my friends when they need me. It’s feeling connected to my womanhood, to my inner sense of self and my feelings. It’s feeling confident and powerful.
I used to feel very ashamed of my own femininity. My experience with masculinity was fragmented, disconnected from my inner sense of self. I felt cut off from who I actually was, so it failed to resonate with my identity. I felt feminine when I could express my femininity without facing judgment or bullying. When I could smile extra wide and wear girly clothes. In middle school, I felt feminine when my friends would take me shopping behind my mom’s back to buy clothes. When they’d help me do makeup. When strangers would gender me as a girl, which they often did at that time of my life.
The femininity I felt when I was younger had a lot more to do with what I was actively being denied. It was all the things forbidden from me. It helped me understand my gender identity. And I would say early on in transition, my femininity was still rooted in those forbidden things and reclaiming them for myself. 8 years 10 months in though and femininity has changed a lot for me. It’s less rooted in specific individual things and more rooted in myself. It’s rooted in doing things that make me feel happy and self-confident.