I did all the things. Transitioned. Quit opioids and cigarettes. Went back to school. Got discriminated against and persevered. Quit my last job because of anti LGBT policy and got my dream job.
Oh, and I did all that since 2020.
And it’s a nightmare. I’m isolated. No support, and I found out today my coworkers hate me and think I’m trash.
I don’t know what to do. Go back to school? It’s just going to be more of the same. In the last five years, I achieved more than I ever thought I could. And I’ve never been more alone or miserable than I am right now.
I’m tired of living in a world that doesn’t want me, that I’ll never be good enough for. My parents were right, I’m never going to be good enough.
So what’s the point?
Anyone. It isn’t about my physical characteristics. I just want to help people and instead I just get ridiculed and critiqued. I’m tired of being alone and sad. My cat is the only reason I haven’t killed myself, and I don’t know how much longer he can hold that dam.
First I want to say I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, and I know we’re just internet strangers, but we care; I care. I went through a really bad year about one year ago, the cat thing hits hard, I was exactly there.
Please consider talking to someone professional, and if you aren’t ready (it took me months to finally make an appointment) take care of yourself as much as you can in the meantime. I only did about 12 weeks over the phone (and it was surprisingly affordable, if that factors for you). CBT really helped me deal with a lot of the same issues, I was looking to please everyone, but myself.
Talking through and challenging some of the really toxic beliefs I had, especially around if I’m important, helped so much. I’m living my best life and finding my joy for me, and it’s starting to snowball into a full blown social life. I struggled so much with the “what’s the point” question, and wasn’t even sure if I had an answer after my last session, but I’m living the answer now and I’m so thankful for my cat.
What I have found is that when the whole world seems and feels to hate/ridicule you, all you need is a few people who love/accept you in your life to begin with. I would sincerely advise you to seek out these people in real, daily life. Places like https://foodatfirst.com/ in your city/state, where you can go volunteer and they would welcome you. Or find a new hobby and visit some hobby related places, like a board game cafe or something similar. One thing to remember is that the mind can spiral if left on a particular thought alone for a long while, so please find activities/people that help you divert your thoughts and attention in a different, healthy, direction.