TW: (perceived?) Transphobia
So. I had a shit day yesterday. Doomscrolling my home page on YouTube and found a short. I commented on the author, cuz he seems like he thinks hes some kind of parasocial psychology expert or something, cuz I thought I could give my perspective on my recent transition journey and be met with intelligent discourse.
All I was met with is some variation of “poor wife” or “you aren’t telling the whole story.” Then the invasion of the shitheels that have been spouting transphobic nonsense here.
Tried to take a bath today to reset my brain. (I get baths now. It’s kinda like meditation for me.) I didn’t have any tops I felt comfortable wearing, so I went to the thrift store and found… Nothing.
“How does this relate to the title?” you find yourself asking. Well, if you remember, I made a post the other day about seeing my mom. About thinking it went well.
I asked today if at some point in the future, she would help me learn makeup and nails and whatever.
I think you’re confusing with me loving you and accepting this. I’m not supporting this decision
What The Fuck.
The one other person I thought I could go to for help, other than my ex, and I get rejected, again?
I just feel so isolated. I have no female role models to try to help me be myself, no trusted women in my life. Tried going on nextdoor and introducing myself in a gay group, cuz I wanted to try to be involved with my local LGBT group, and was met with “okay, but are you gay?” Even tho I laid out I was trans in my intro post. I guess it was gay in the guys looking for guys sense, not a homosexual support/ friend network like I thought.
I’ve got an appointment with my social worker (mental health) on the seventh, but this week has got me so fucked up.
I don’t want my kids to help me, and I don’t know why. I guess it’s just my parental mental block, that I’m supposed to take care of them, not the other way around? I just wanted a woman I love and support to love and support me. To learn from the masters haha. I guess I gotta watch YouTube tutorials and ask strangers for fashion advice I guess? Instead of getting personal care from people I thought cared?
This is so hard.
First, it’s OK to distance yourself from “I love you, but I can’t support what you are doing.”
My mother was devastated when I came out. But after seeing that I was serious about transition and she could either get on the boat or be left behind, she decided that she should offer some help with clothes and dressing nice. She introduced me as her daughter these days. She hasn’t said anything shitty in over half a decade.
Second isolation is ok for safety, but not a long term strategy. Be nice to people, ask for help when you can, and you should meet women that will help you. Seek out queer spaces and navigate them as best you can. A trans woman taught me 95% of everything I know about makeup. My wife taught me nails when we started dating.
I’m sorry you are being hurt. It’s not fair and you don’t deserve it. Feel free to pm me if you ever want to chat, or vent, or share your stories. I love yo tell my own.