'Acme Killer' claims another victim, remains on the loose - eviltoast

Albuquerque, New Mexico. Once an idyllic, quiet town, it’s recently been thrown into chaos after life took a wrong turn. Multiple lives claimed in acts of senseless violence. Faces charred and covered in ash, people left flat on the ground, others suffocated by thought bubbles containing screws and baseballs. Police are trying their best to find the culprit but are now seeking outside help.

“The first time someone gets crushed by a safe, you’re thinking it’s a joke. By the third person who looks like an accordion, you know there’s a problem.”

Detective Richard Tracy has been tracking the killer’s movements for months now to no avail. At the end of his rope, the befuddled lawman hopes instead to make people aware of what to avoid.

“Obviously don’t go into any tunnels, avoid any kind of X marking the spot, if you see a sign saying it’s open season to hunt you definitely don’t try to rip it down. These are all things that we still need to be teaching children from early ages but just aren’t anymore.”

The state of heightened alert comes after an extended police chase in which authorities tried chasing the man responsible, only to fall off of a cliff after making the mistake of looking down. Thirteen officers were killed in the pursuit, all holding signs that say “UH OH!”. As the death toll continues to increase with no end in sight, one has to wonder what’s up, doc?

This story is developing, we will continue to update with more details as they become available.

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