I don’t hate my dick. I derive a lot of pleasure from it. I really don’t experience dysphoria from having one, and in many ways I’m glad that I feel I can integrate my experience of womanhood with having a cock. And yet… I wish I had a pussy. I wish I could finger myself, I wish I could receive penetration vaginally. Yes I’ve tried anal, yes I’ve tried muffing. They don’t do anything for me. I wish I had access to the rich range of non-anal sex toys available to people who have a pussy.
But it also isn’t something that feels like a distressing yearning either? And having such a huge surgery which high risk of complication (I assume?) doesn’t feel proportionate or worth it, but I’m also unsure if this is just because the prospect feels so out of reach anyway it doesn’t even feel like an option. Because I’ll likely never have the money to do that anyway.
To make it worse, I’m chronically ill and very disabled. Signing up to that much (albiet short term) pain, and higher risk of complications with my heart and hEDS, it just makes it all so much more complicated.
Idk what I’m looking for out of this other than: does anyone else relate? lol
The best I can do is give you my example I use when I try to explain my feelings regarding bottom surgery.
Once I was given a blue pen, didn’t ask for it but I enjoyed drawing water, the sky and many other things. I always fancied having a red pen though, so I can draw the sunset, fire and roses. I don’t hate the blue pen, it’s been great but if I could choose I’d have the red pen any day.
I feel mostly annoyed about my parts because they get in the way… I just can’t wear what I want without extra steps and a constant feeling of bulging ಠ_ಠ
In regards to the costs, how much is it in your country? I have no concept of costs because in my place the health insurance would cover the costs if I ever were to get it (if I have a paper from my psychologist saying the op is required or recommended).
In other TMI news: I think it patience and introspective is what will get you the furthest. I tried anal, the differences in enjoyment proper prep makes is - at least for me - staggering. Which I only bring up because sometimes we don’t do a thing because it wasn’t perfect the first time. Some things require practice/experience.
I soooo feel you on the bulging!!
So bottom surgery in my country is… complicated. I think you can get it done privately, but its prohibitively expensive. We have free state provided healthcare here, but they rarely provide GRS.